Learning to Dad with Tyler Ros 014 - Tyler Ross
Speaker 2: All right. [00:00:30] Well, how the tables have turned? The interviewer is now the interviewee. So I'm Stephen Cod here with Tyler Ross looking forward to interviewing him
Speaker 3: On his own
Speaker 2: Podcast. Learning to dad. We'll see what Tyler's learned so far. So first Tyler, I guess everybody, obviously who's listening to this knows a little bit about you, so we don't have to go through all of that, but I guess just to give a little bit of background for me to what, what inspired [00:01:00] the idea for this podcast for learning to dad? What w what went off in your head to say, let's do this.
Speaker 3: So that's a wonderful question. I wanted exactly the thought in my head was I want to do cool with cool people. Okay. And the thought was, how do I do that? And so the first thing I did was go through what I think is cool. And I think working and being an entrepreneur and, you know, building businesses, [00:01:30] the people that do that I think are, are cool. I think that's awesome. And I love being a dad. I mean, it's, I've wanted to be a dad since, you know, the concept that I could understand it was in my brain. I was. So it was really what I thought the best avenue to do that. And I find that talking to people about being a parent is like a shortcut into their soul. So like, we can talk about the weather. We could talk about sports. We could talk about coffee as Gary [00:02:00] Vaynerchuk says, you can talk about Smurfs, man. There are people talking about Smurfs and making a living. And to me, business of any kind and being a parent or my, like my two favorite things. Yeah. So that, that's why I started it.
Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. So I guess, uh, just as, uh, a little bit of background, because most people have heard, you ask a lot of questions to other people about being a dad, but a little bit of background. Tell, tell us about, you know, you and your wife, how you [00:02:30] met, you know, we'll start there.
Speaker 3: Okay. Well, there's a race in Virginia. That's called the gold cup. Uh, it's a horse race that happens in the fall and in the spring. And it's been something that I have pictures of me is, you know, in diapers. And that was not like high school or college that was like as a toddler, as an infant appropriate for age appropriate diapers. And so I've been going to that for ages and got to, to the mother [00:03:00] of my sister's best friend who just, as the conversation started to wind down, she said, let me introduce you to my niece. And so she introduced me to Sarah and you know, who lived in Roanoke at the time and had a boyfriend at the time. And that was my boyfriend
Speaker 2: There. He was not
Speaker 3: Know, uh, which, you know, I, I just gave her one look up and down and was like, it's on, yeah, this is, this is a girl that I'm going to pursue. So I chased her around gold [00:03:30] cup and we messaged a few times. She ended up, she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend over time because I strategically drove a wedge between them, uh, just a little bit at a time. And she ultimately ended up moving up here. She has family, you know, just outside of Warrington. And so the move was not a huge, you know, leap of faith in terms of a brand new community that she wasn't unfamiliar with. But that was how we met. We moved in fairly quickly together after [00:04:00] a year, 18 months of like not dating. And then we started dating and more or less moved right in.
Speaker 2: So, so we'll get to some of that. You kind of went from the very beginning to, to, and, you know, I wanna, I wanna talk about that first day at gold cup, just a little bit. Did you know, a lot of people ask you, you know, love at first sight and stuff like that. And you, you kind of said that you knew that it's on like, um, I'm going to pursue this, but yeah. Looking back on it now, was it a, [00:04:30] was it a love at first sight or was it, you know, what, what was that, what was that feeling like?
Speaker 3: I think it was like a kind of a contrasting feelings. It was definitely lost at first sight because I think she's beautiful and she was rocking, you know, she's 25 smoking hot, just graduated from college, wearing a ridiculous, Huge gold cup hat. And like, and she was happy. She was fun. She, you know, uh, the first, some of the first words out of her mouth where you want to go do a shot with me, it's like,
Speaker 2: You [00:05:00] want to answer to that question? So I
Speaker 3: Do. Um, but as it, as it turns out, because I'd been going to gold cup, basically my entire life, and she had been going to gold cup her entire life. And as it turned out, the spot that we were always at was three spots away from her spot. So over 25 years, we not once ever crossed paths. And then my sister McKinsey was best friends with her cousin, Amanda for 15 years. [00:05:30] And as much as I saw both of them, we never crossed paths. Wow. So Amanda and McKinsey, like, wouldn't it be fun if you know, Tyler and Sarah got together, we'd be related. And so there, there was, but to answer your question, it was definitely lost at first sight. And as I got to it quickly became love. You know, after our first date, I wrote her a letter that I talked into, my safe, I had saved [00:06:00] may as well, been a drawer, but like, it was basically saying, you know, I know this was our first date, but you're in wow. You know, and I, I gave her that letter, uh, on our wedding day. She said, let's give you, we don't need to give each other a gift. Let's write each other a letter. So I sat on that letter for several years and then gave it to her. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So that's, that's pretty darn cool. And how long did you guys date before you got engaged before you got married?
Speaker 3: Gosh, I don't even know the answer [00:06:30] to that. We met in 2009. Okay. We got married in 2012 and I think we were engaged for a year. So we dated for, uh, I had to, it took me about six few months to get her to break up with her boyfriend and then a few months to convince her to date me. Okay. And then, so I guess we were together a year, 18 months and then got engaged and they got married. Yeah.
Speaker 2: What was the proposal like?
Speaker 3: It was,
Speaker 2: And the answer that I got a picture of it for the listeners, [00:07:00] but tell me about the, tell me about the engagement
Speaker 3: I shopped for rings for months, and I must've gone to a hundred different stores and, uh, it's probably a dozen stores, 12 stores, and ultimately bought a ring from our neighbor who owns a winery and a neighbor at the time, my parents' neighbor. And he was also a jeweler. And, uh, it turns out that winery was one of the first dates that we ever went on. And so that, in addition to just [00:07:30] being the coolest ring, I've seen, we, I bought that carried around with me a cold cup, like all day. I didn't, you know, that's usually a drink fast. I didn't drink. I wanted to be, you know, stone sober, ready to rock and roll. And her dad, who's a camera man got, got his camera ready. And actually he had the camera rolling. Sarah thought it was a still photo. So she was striking a bunch of poses and then realized it was a video. And that started having even more fun with it. And ultimately around, [00:08:00] you know, 15 or 20 of our best friends got to get down on one knee, you know, as the horses are running by the fence and, uh, propose there at the same place, there's more or less within 15 or 20 feet of where we met.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And had you, had you gone through the whole, obviously with her dad doing the video, he knew he was in on it. So did you do the, you did the traditional, you know, asking for parents. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I can't imagine not doing that. I feel like getting married is such a big part. [00:08:30] You know, you're combining families. I see a lot of people that don't necessarily feel the same way, but it was important to me and her parents live in Roanoke, which is about a three and a half hour drive. So I told Sarah one morning that I had to go to work super early. So I left the house at like four and I drove to Roanoke and kind of, you know, rung the ballot, uh, her dad's office. And when he saw me, he was like, if somebody's dead, you know, like, what are you doing here? And I just pulled the ring out and showed [00:09:00] it to him. And he gave me a big hug and her parents were amazing. So, so he, he, he quit work for a couple of hours and we went over and saw his wife, Sarah's mom, and, you know, got all excited about it. And it was all I could do to hope that they could, you know, be cool for a few hours, a gold cup. Cause it was just a couple days later
Speaker 2: Where they just, they were just super excited. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was super grateful for them to be so excited because I'm, you know, maybe different with a boy or a boy, but you know, [00:09:30] somebody come to me and talking about wanting to marry my daughter, like it would really make my day to be excited about who that man would be and to be welcomed the way I was welcome to it.
Speaker 2: And the reverse is there'd probably be hardly anything worse as a dad than seeing, you know, your kid getting married or, you know, in a very committed relationship with somebody who didn't think was right for them. So yeah. That's, that's, [00:10:00] that's, that's cool.
Speaker 3: I think you totally have to own that. Like yeah. If your kid is doing stupid, like we all did stupid, but I think as a parent, we really have to own it. No matter what, you
Speaker 2: Know, be honest
Speaker 3: With them. Yeah. We have to own our responsibility was, you know, we messed that up. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So did, did, did Sarah's dad have any good one-liners or anything for you prepared when you asked him or any advice?
Speaker 3: I didn't see a comment. I think he was as nervous [00:10:30] as I was. I talked about it. Yeah. He's just like, you know, made it clear that his daughter was important to him and then I'd better take good care of her. And yeah, I did have a couple of his friends physically threatened me in the event that I did anything, uh, you know, unwanted.
Speaker 2: Right, right. And now, now as a dad, I don't, I don't have a daughter, but you do obviously, you know, can you imagine being in that position, have you thought about that? Like when [00:11:00] constantly, really?
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I like, I think kids condition you for the future, you know, it's not like one day she's going to get married. It's like as a first grader or a fourth grader or whatever, you know, as a kindergarten or she's gonna come home and talk about how nice this boy was and I'm going to want to kill that boy, but it's like, he's a kindergarten, there's no harm. So like you talk yourself out of it. And then by fourth or fifth grade, she's got a crush [00:11:30] or maybe she's got her first kiss at like a slumber party or something playing spin the bottle. And it's like, you really not quite ready for it, but you know, that's what happens. And then by the time you get to high school, college, you know, marriage, like, I think they've conditioned you to be, you know, mostly ready for that. Like letting go, yeah,
Speaker 2: You built up to it kind of, gosh, it's got, I mean, it's, it's gotta be, it's gotta be terrifying as a, as a dad, to a daughter. I don't, like I said, I don't know what that's [00:12:00] like yet, but those types of things.
Speaker 3: Well, I think the, the things that you can control you can control and the things that you can't, you can't. And so I feel like I'm confident enough in my intention that she's going to make good decisions. I think her mom's awesome. Her brother's great. She's going to be an environment that is healthy and honest. And I think as a result of that, you know, she'll, she'll make a decision.
Speaker 2: I'm sure she will. And [00:12:30] I'm sure that she'll kick her if she does. All right. So you're, so you're, you've gotten the parents approval, you've done the engagement and then you guys, you guys get married. I was fortunate enough to be in the wedding. One of my favorite weekends, you know, in, in, in memory such a good time, I'm sure. Hopefully you like mine. When I think back on my wedding, I, I said, God, if I could go and do that, that same weekend every year, I would do it in a heartbeat. Man. I had such a blast at my wedding and [00:13:00] I had had a really good time at your wedding. I actually brought my wife as my date to your wedding. So we had a, we had a great time down there, had a really fun weekend down in Roanoke. So at that point, what was the plan for kids?
Speaker 3: We're both very interested in a family. Her, our families are so different and mine have been, my parents have been divorced a couple of times each my dad's remarried. And, uh, uh, my mom's currently single and you know, we've got, um, sisters from a [00:13:30] mother. We don't share my, my dad and I, uh, my, I share my dad with my sisters and, uh, her family and I, and I've lived in 15 or 16 different houses, but all in the same town. Whereas her family has lived from soup to nuts. I mean, like her parents have lived in the same house for 35 years. They're both of their parents have lived in the same house for 65, 70 years. And they've got a lot of kids and a lot of cousins and they're all super close. [00:14:00] Whereas my family with exception to my sisters and my parents have all been, you know, here and kind of scattered, but I, um, I've lost track of, uh, but like, but because of results of both of our growing up, we were both really interested in having kids soon.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So you knew right off the bat, that was the plan. Go ahead. And you weren't, you know, nowadays I think a lot of people get married and they want to spend a few years traveling, working on their professional life. You [00:14:30] know, things like that. How old were you guys when you got married?
Speaker 3: Let's see. So seven, wow. Seven years ago. We're coming up on our seventh anniversary,
Speaker 2: 27, 28. Something like that. She's she's what, a couple years younger than you
Speaker 3: Two years younger than I am. So I felt like I had, I was really rolling with work, like on a nice trajectory. And then when we got married, like a double down, like it was, it's like time to roll. And then when we had kids, it's like, how do we manage that?
Speaker 2: Yeah. [00:15:00] So you guys, you guys got married and then how long was it before found out you were pregnant? I think she was spraying.
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, it was 2014. So about 18 months into our,
Speaker 2: Yeah. And your initial thought, did she, did she set it up and, you know, surprise you with it? How did you find out?
Speaker 3: Uh, I think she just came out of the bathroom and, you know, sat next to me on the bed and was like, guess what? And we just couldn't have been like happier, thrilled. [00:15:30] Yeah. Just we were, we were trying,
Speaker 2: You were trying, so you were ready.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And it happened right away. Like we'd said, you know, you want to have a kid now. And like, yeah. Like 10 minutes later she was pregnant. Like really fortunate in that respect because I know a lot of people will do a lot of work and have to like you, like you, I mean, you, you had a lot of effort that had
Speaker 2: Yeah. And it's fun. It's fun. Try and sport, not going to lie, try and part is fun, but the emotional element of, [00:16:00] of trying unsuccessfully can start to wear on you over time. And, you know, that's probably another, another episode of the podcast to talk about, you know, some of those types of things that, that, that my wife and I went through with it, I'd love to share in depth. Some of those, uh, sometimes for people that are, that are going through similar situations with, uh, you know, with getting pregnant and that sort of thing. And since we had, uh, a good successful story with it. Yeah. I'd love to share some of that stuff, but yeah, but today's topic is you buddy, so. All right. Cool. So, [00:16:30] so what were you, how were you feeling at that point? Not, not as a couple, but how are you feeling as an individual? Obviously life's about to change. You've got a baby on the way your career's going pretty well. You know what you know, but inevitably there's going to be fear or something there. What, what did you, what did you feel when did
Speaker 3: You know? It was really just kind of joy, you know, I was so excited. Uh, there's definitely a new thing to consider [00:17:00] in every decision that you make. It's like, it's not just about me. It's not just about us. It's about us plus one. Uh, so the real, there wasn't really any difficulty, but there was definitely like a, uh, a period of time that you had to adjust on what your priorities are and what they should be, because you don't really know. Um, all you know is that you're about to have a new experience and you can only prepare as best as somebody [00:17:30] that has no idea what to expect, can prepare. So like it was uncertainty, but it was the kind of uncertainty. It's not like economic uncertainty where it's like, I don't want to make a decision. It's more like the uncertainty of like excitement and just being excited to have the experience. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Were there any of, of, you know, just fear
Speaker 3: Just second baby, second baby. So they can baby. Yeah. Great. The, the, actually there was a moment of fear with grace and our daughter, our first kid, [00:18:00] she was born at 35 weeks. And, uh, you know, I can relate to you to the extent of like all the emotions going through your head of, you know, the, what ifs. I mean, 35 is different than 31, like you, but being in the hospital and having like, oh 11 doctors and NICU nurses and all these things like, like standing there waiting, like it's a first experience. So I was fortunate that I didn't really understand what was going on, but we were really lucky in that our daughter [00:18:30] was born at five pounds and, you know, uh, everybody dispersed and we went back to just kind of normal. We had some feeding issues and some warmth
Speaker 2: Issues. You have to do anything NICU or any, anything like that?
Speaker 3: No, it worked out really great in that way. But our second kid, Riley, Sarah, like started having contractions like 28 weeks or like super, really early. And, uh, she ended up, uh, I don't, I could be off on that timeline, but she was on bed rest for a month. [00:19:00] And, uh, I had just bought, we were living in a little rambler, like 1300 square foot house. And I had had a short sale house under contract for like nine or 10 months. They was just dragging on and on. And I thought it was going to be a good investment. You know, something that I could get under contract and then maybe sell the contract because I didn't have any money, but I had people that would lend it to me or other people that would invest. And just as she went on to bedrest, [00:19:30] the short sale got approved and I couldn't find anybody to give me any money or to buy it from me, but it felt like too good of a deal to let it go.
Speaker 3: So I ended up managing to, to find the money from a bank. And so we were under two mortgages, one, which is definitely an overextension. So it was like had we just moved into that house and sold the other one. It would have been stressful financially, but we couldn't sell either one of them. So we're like camping in this. [00:20:00] The only way we could buy it was like a principal mortgage residence. Um, so we moved into it. We basically camped in the living room and we had a mattress on the floor and she's, you know, seven months pregnant on bedrest with a 10 month old under, you know, about to go into the red because two mortgage payments is chipping away at us. And, um, my beard started falling out and, uh, you know, like I'd never been under that kind of pressure before, like wondering [00:20:30] about the health of your wife, the health of the baby inside of your wife, whether you're going to survive economically. And, uh, we're just incredibly fortunate to have my sister Mallory stay. Basically she was available. It was summer like she in school and she just saved our lives and kept Sarah sane and grew super close to our daughter. And, uh, fortunately our daughter was a pretty easy [00:21:00] kid. It's like, she sensed how hard it was on Sarah. Yeah. But that was definitely the scariest scariest part of my familial life with exception to Sarah's a allergic reaction.
Speaker 2: Right. All right. Yeah. That's surprising. Cause normally it's that first when I would, you know, I would think that the first one is the scary one and then the second one's like, I've been there, I've done that. You know,
Speaker 3: It was that way until the account scary, you know, it was fine until it wasn't anymore. Right, right. Like everything just happened at once. [00:21:30] Yeah. And we had, you know, somebody had just given us a puppy on top of that, so
Speaker 2: Thanks.
Speaker 3: It was easy.
Speaker 2: Just what we needed. No. Um, all right. So, so to backtrack a little bit with the, uh, you know, going back to just having one kid, how do you feel like when do you think it sank in, you know, having a kid changes everybody. Yeah. But when did you notice a change? Was it immediate? Was it when you found out you were expecting, was it right after the baby was born? How did that, how did, [00:22:00] how did becoming a dad changed?
Speaker 3: I think the what's the opposite of traumatic. Like that's the opposite of that? Like an enlightened moment maybe. Yeah. Seeing my kid for the first time when Grayson watching that delivery, like on paper sounds disgusting. And on paper, it is disgusting. But in real life, when you're watching your kid get born is like the most amazing thing. Blake it's like the very, I vividly remember seeing the [00:22:30] top of my daughter's head. Yeah. And it was incredible. And like, it was really at that moment where it was like a weight lifted off of me, like, um, like, um, like purpose is coming into life. Like it was really like, I was so aligned with being a parent. Like it's all I really wanted to be a parent. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's yeah. It's unlike anything else. But yeah, I think that you're right. It's, it's hard to find the words to describe what that is when you first see your kid for the first time, [00:23:00] you know, cause you're right. The delivery part, it is scary and it is kind of gross, you know, but when you hear that, that first cry come out and it's just, oh my gosh, it changes your complete,
Speaker 3: Uh, Grayson. Uh, she was super like wiggly when she was born. Like she, she wasn't out of, you know, Sarah for five minutes before she like grabbed onto my finger. And it was like, that was the most amazing experience. Like my kid, [00:23:30] my kid's hand is grasped around my finger. And that hand now is so big. Like even at four and a half, four years old, like feet, her hand, that's the same little delicate hand. Yep.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's unbelievable. When you, when you think about that and that, that, that hand is going to be her hand that she's going to experience life with, you know? Yeah. I think about that with my, you know, with my kids a lot, uh, just all the, you know, I think there's that in there a book [00:24:00] called like all the places you'll go or something, you know, something along those lines. And it really is. Man, when you look at, you know, when I look at, uh, you know, Cohen and when I look at Ethan and you know, and you see their eyes and it's like, man, all the things that you have in front of you to experience, it's, there's a, there's a jealousy, there's an excitement, there's a, you know, and also a desire to want to be there, to witness all of it. And I think that, uh, you know, for me, at least that that's one of the big things that it adjusted for me was just my own, the importance of making sure that, um, you know, kind of [00:24:30] taking care of myself and, and, and, you know, exercising and doing, you know, cleaning up life a little bit, man, so that you know that so that you can, you know, do everything you can to be there, to witness as much of that life as you, as you can, Tom.
Speaker 3: I know my, my dad like totally shifted gears. He stopped smoking. Yeah. Started eating better. I mean, now he liked juices on a daily basis. He eats two handfuls of chia seeds a day, like right. He went from drinking whiskey and beer and, you know, smoking cigarettes [00:25:00] and pipes and cigars and not necessarily eating great to like he's got grandbabies now that he wants to see, grow up, look amazing. What a kid will do. Motivator. I want to be able to pick up my daughter when she's 17 years old. Like I want it to appeal to pick her up. That's my kid. I want to take really good care of myself. Yep. Longevity is important now.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The things, yeah. When I go to the gym now it's no longer like when we were, you know, we were workout buddies back in high school and then how much, how much weight can I lift? And [00:25:30] you know, trying to get veins in my arms, you know, whatever.
Speaker 3: Well, actually I wanna, I wanna interject this thought that you had, you said something that inspired this thought about kids, uh, and what they don't know. And like the, the, their introduction of the world wanting to be there for them. Like something that really resonated with me was when somebody talked about how just purely unknown the world is to kids, to the extent that when you put them in the bathtub, they don't know [00:26:00] that when the water's going down the drain, that the drain is not going to suck them down to like that example to me just went, oh my gosh, we have such tremendous influence on these little things. Like, we're the ones that explained to them you're safe here, or this is how this works. And we totally create a framework for their perspective. It's just an interesting observation. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And a hell of a responsibility on our parts to, to,
Speaker 3: So I think it's our [00:26:30] obligation to be as good as we possibly can be. Yeah. And it's hard to do. I mean, Tom Brady is as good as he can possibly be. Every decision he makes is geared towards his goal. Like instead of corn chips, I'm going to have kale because this little minutia is going to make me that better. And I aspire to be at that kind of level as a parent really hard. Cause you have your own goals and ambitions and
Speaker 2: Well, and for somebody like Tom Brady, like he's accomplished so much already. It'd be very easy for him [00:27:00] to just say, screw it. I'm gonna eat tacos and you know, uh, live on, you know, my island with my supermodel wife, who's worth a ton of money. Yeah. I mean, it'd be so easy to just do that, but right. That's something that, that continues to inspire him and, and you know, for him, it's, I'm sure love of his kids, but also love of the game, love of, you know, what he's known as whole life. And, and, and, you know, a lot of the things we do is for love of our kids. So, and I think that taking care of ourselves as one of those that we can do totally [00:27:30] for our kids. And so that hopefully down the line, just like your dad you'll be able to experience being a granddad. So,
Speaker 3: Yeah. And like what, the first question you asked me about why'd you do the podcast, like part of it is to help whittle down what my goals really are, because the more you can clarify your goals, I think the better decisions you can make towards achieving them. Because if you don't, if your goal is blurry, it's hard to make the right decision. So by listening to all these other dads talk, [00:28:00] you get to start piecing together, all these things that really make sense. And that puts you in a better position to make a better decision to reach your own goals.
Speaker 2: Yeah. All right. Well, let's, let's, let's get back on the, on the, kind of the timeline here, as far as the kids. So you have, you have Grayson, you guys are now a family of three, just, you know, little, your own little slice of heaven, how long until
Speaker 3: 12 weeks. And Sarah was trying, uh, we, weren't not [00:28:30] trying well,
Speaker 2: Yeah, clearly it doesn't happen.
Speaker 3: We, weren't not trying, but yeah. I mean, she, she said I'm pregnant again. I said, no,
Speaker 2: A little different.
Speaker 3: It's awesome. I mean, it was still pumped like who, but it was like a joke,
Speaker 2: But maybe a little more real
Speaker 3: Doctor just said that, you know, it's okay to resume activities and you're pregnant. Right.
Speaker 2: Awesome.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Here we go. And anybody that ever complains about having [00:29:00] one kid, I feel you it's difficult, but reserve your reserve, the, uh, the energy, because two is a challenge, uh, far greater than one in three. I can only imagine I've interviewed somebody that had seven GS and, uh, I mean, it's a lifestyle. You can't like be a parent and go to a job. Like you're just, your lifestyle is different, but anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and I, and I've heard, you know, kind of off of that, I've heard that, you know, [00:29:30] the, the first kid changes mom's life, the second kid changes dad's life. Do you, do you buy into that?
Speaker 3: I would believe that. I mean, it's the ma like moms or superheroes and her amazing. And you do feel as a dad or at least I feel as a dad, maybe you can relate that, like to a certain point, you really just kinda like the assistant, like you've run in support. Like you don't really add a lot of value to the kid with exception to supporting your spouse, the kid's mom, [00:30:00] your wife, but yeah. Having to now you're much more, hands-on like, you're part of it now. Truly.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, you know, I I've been, I've been lucky in that, you know, I mean, I do change diapers and stuff, but the number of diapers I've changed compared to Vanessa is, I mean, it's, it's pathetic. And I can only imagine if we had a, uh, uh, a newborn at home right now, how many more diapers of Cohen's I would be changing on a daily basis or a nightly basis. And that sort of,
Speaker 3: If your [00:30:30] roles were different too, like you and I both live lives where our roles tend to be, you know, fairly traditional by definition in the sense that, you know, we have the role of financial support in these things. And mom is, you know, the caregiver and the homemaker and taking care of the household stuff, which we both, you grew up in that kind of environment because my parents divorced our environment was peculiar, uh, a little bit, but, uh, [00:31:00] that can totally be flipped to, you know, I interviewed a guy who stayed. It was a stay-at-home dad for a little while. And, uh, this is big, big general contractor, you know, hard rocker type of dude. And he was like a stay at home dad for a while. It's like, that's the role he played for that period of time. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think he'd do what your family needs. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. But generally at that, that sounds that doesn't sound inaccurate. You know, the first kid, his mom and second kid, it's like, dad's dead.
Speaker 2: Have you noticed [00:31:30] that to be true in your particular case? Yeah. Yeah. Second one changed things for you. More, more dramatic.
Speaker 3: We hardly got adjusted to the first change. Sorry. It's hard to contrast it to,
Speaker 2: Right. It just was all kind of a blur.
Speaker 3: If Grayson hadn't been born a month early, our kids would be 11 months apart.
Speaker 2: Um, w how did you feel, you know, just kind of shooting from the hip here, how did you feel from a financial standpoint, the kids, how did that, how did it adjust your [00:32:00] approach to things, you know, cause I know like you were saying, you know, you had deals out there where it was like, I don't have the money, but I think the deal is too good. So I'm going to find the money and you know, how did, how did your approach to your financial wellbeing and lifestyle change once you became a dad?
Speaker 3: Um, you know, because it's not just brokerage, but like investment and other things. So your tolerance for risk changes, you know, you have to make sure, you know, uh, your primary is considered [00:32:30] and now when your primary used to be just this wheel and deal and make something happen. So from that perspective, there has to be a little bit more meat on the bone. And then from a personal financial perspective, like you start, you know, instead of spending this money on you, now you're spending it on your wife or your kid, you know, because a diaper budget is a line item on your budget. Now I know it. And you got to start preparing. If you're going to send your kids to private school, that's a serious [00:33:00] line item budget. I mean, everybody that sends their kids to private school and has a full tuition or even half tuition paying student, parent is giving up a car, a $50,000 extra on their mortgage, a vacation savings, you know, even people going into debt, you know, they put that up, but for the benefit of their kid's education. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's one thing for you to be single or, or even married with no kids and, you know, scraping to get by. It's another thing when you've got, [00:33:30] you know, little mouths that depend on you and, and, and, and things like that. So it's always one of the, I think from a male, you know, well, I shouldn't even say of our male, but from a, like you said, from, from the perspective of somebody whose primary responsibility is financial, uh, you know, security and providing that for their family, I think it's natural for finances to be a main concern. Cause everybody will tell you how expensive kids are. And I I've gotten to know that firsthand, you know? Yeah. So I was curious [00:34:00] how
Speaker 3: I'm super fortunate to have a wife who, so like we live in a shoe box and we'd be fine. Yeah. It's like, I'm glad that we don't have to write. And she gives me enough support and leeway to go, you know, chase the stuff I like chasing, you know, in terms of taking risks and making investments in building a business. But, you know, uh, you know, what's the worst that happens, lose it all, you know, like I still got the important stuff. So, you know, if it's, if it's worth it, [00:34:30] you know, risk it, you know, cause worst case, I know, I know how to make a living. If you know how to make a living, you can always build it back up. I mean, that said, I'm not doing anything that's tight or putting us in risks. Cause I don't ever want our family to go backwards if we don't have to. But if there's something really exciting, that would be amazing to be a part of. Like, I know that, you know, I have the permission to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome to have the support [00:35:00] of, of a wife and you know, what was, what was that Jim Carrey movie where I think the wife ended up leaving them, but she, she said she'd eat blubber for him. Do you remember that? I think it was like me, myself and Irene, something like that. Yeah. She didn't end up moving to Alaska and Eaton blubber for him, but she said she would. So that's cool. Glad Sarah will eat blubber blubber. Nice. All right. So then second one comes around. Uh, was Sarah working at the time? Like when the
Speaker 3: First one she was elementary school teacher,
Speaker 2: Even after the, even after Grayson was born,
Speaker 3: [00:35:30] She was staying at home. Okay. She was staying at
Speaker 2: Home. So she stayed at home. She just
Speaker 3: Went back this year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so how was that, you know, having, having your wife staying at home, you've got two kids at home. You're you're at work. And during the day, what, what was your role in being a dad at that stage?
Speaker 3: Definitely. You know, providing financially because public school teachers are dramatically underpaid. Like a babysitter would have cost twice as much as her income was. [00:36:00] So right. It only made sense that mom be the primary influence on our kids. So there's definitely a little extra pressure to be conservative in decision-making and to keep your powder dry and you know, and it was, it was it the hairiest that ever got was while she was pregnant then. And fortunately we ended up selling one of the houses and doing, doing well enough to actually have some savings, as opposed to like hoping that we didn't cross [00:36:30] the zero threshold. Um, but we're fortunate that we didn't have to go into debt or credit card debt or anything like that to stay rolling.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Now how about your, your day to day with the kids and stuff? You know, what, what, what's your role with w what was your role with them? What is your role with them? You know, today is,
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's, I think trying to be an example and a peer just be present with them. The, you know, you definitely are, you're 25% of the household [00:37:00] and you got to do at least half the work. You know, if, if not more, that's something I'm learning to do to be more, you know, I was used to having a, you know, you know, a wife that had pretty KC hours relative to mine, and then she had taken care of a kid and staying at home and a lot of stuff got done and now she's working again. It's like, I got to double down on my duties of, you know, those things that are so easy to walk by, you know, like pulling the trash out of the can or right when the dishes are, [00:37:30] you know, throwing some socks together or whatever it might be
Speaker 2: Right on. So, so we've talked about, you know, you and Sarah and all of that. Now let's talk about parenthood, you know, as a, as a practice. So, so as a parent, how do you, you know, cause obviously you're doing this together with, with Sarah, with your wife, how do you, I guess, how do you work together as parents? And, and, and I guess specifically what I'm asking is, is, you [00:38:00] know, each one of us has parenting styles or ways that we think that, that the other, you know, the parenting should go, how have you guys run into conflict? Of course you have where you have a different opinion on the way things should be done with the kids or something like that. And how do you, how do you approach that? How do you resolve,
Speaker 3: It's been, uh, lately I've actually been really into addressing just this. And I find the majority of the problem is mine.
Speaker 2: I don't doubt that.
Speaker 3: [00:38:30] Like, it's, it's all about self-awareness and self-improvement, and you know, as much as I, like my ego tries to convince me that I'm amazing, like I'm a human and I'm imperfect, and there are things that I need to work on every single day. And one of them is, uh, humility and, uh, respecting the other person's opinion, because if it's my opinion, I'm right. You know, why wouldn't my opinion be right. Because I feel so wedded to it. Yeah. But, you know, [00:39:00] here's an example. I, I asked my wife, you know, what would you want to do? If we took three months off, we won the lottery. If we saved up and we just took, it took a whole year off, what would you want to do? And she immediately said, I'd want to move in next door to my family in Atlanta, uh, you know, her cousin and their three kids.
Speaker 3: And, and the first thing that popped into my head was that seems lame like a whole year, like, yeah. But like, that's her true? What are we going to do? And like, somebody might think that [00:39:30] my idea of what I would want to do is let him, and so reconciling that has been part of, uh, my greatest efforts over the last few months, I've been doing a lot of reading and a lot of journaling and a lot of thinking about like, how can I be more respectful of other people's opinions in their truths? And that's part of my truth is, you know, being honest and it's improved our communication. So if we have disagreements, like it's easy to get snippy or, um, for one [00:40:00] of us to dig in, but you know, when one of us does we're improving and getting better every day on coming back to the middle and saying, let's talk about this. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And at the end of the day, the goal is the same, obviously, which is to raise good kids that are balanced, that are, you know, you know, just good people in general. So yeah, I think it's just about figuring out how to, how to do that. Exactly. So, all right. Cool. And then, so Sarah's back to work now. Yup. [00:40:30] Yup. How did how's that, you know, maybe I should be asking her, but how has that, how has that affected things at home with the kids?
Speaker 3: Uh, from a selfish standpoint, it's messed me up because like now I don't get as many hours in at work and from a financial perspective that if it was purely financial decision, it doesn't make any sense at all for her to be at work. However, I think she under appreciated and I definitely underappreciated the work associated with being a stay at home mom. [00:41:00] And so I think she needed that contrast to have that experience and be fulfilled and find the satisfaction and putting in, uh, uh, the workdays like she used to. So it's been a challenge, but the beauty that's been out of it is I've gotten to spend a lot of time with our kids because I used to leave at 7, 7 38 and come home at 6, 6 30, but I packaged everything in between those hours. Now she leaves the house at seven 30 and I've got the kids until school [00:41:30] starts.
Speaker 3: So I spend 90 minutes with just so low every single morning. And, uh, that's like cutie, you know, then, you know, I get to be a little bit more of a part of their day and that's been really great much as like part of that little voice in my head is like, you know, how effective and efficient you would be if you got these extra three or four hours. Cause I'm watching the kids while Sarah's getting ready to. So I basically have them from five 30 or six until nine that's, three hours. I usually had to go out there and [00:42:00] kick doing the stuff that I liked doing. But like it's given me an opportunity to be more present cause real estate agents and, and you know, anything else that we do can usually wait until 11, you know, nothing really ha it seems like everyone waits till five 15 to start calling you. But, uh, I've gotten to spend a lot of time with the kids, which is awesome.
Speaker 2: Cool, cool. And you guys, do you have kind of a routine every morning? You get it down to a science at this point? Yeah.
Speaker 3: Um, I unfortunately stick them in front of the TV [00:42:30] or iPad cause I got to go shower and get dressed, you know, for that period of time. But we usually play a little bit, uh, I make them breakfast, anybody that has had two kids can, uh, relate to this, but it takes, it can take an hour to get a kid's shoes. It's like put on your side, by the time you put socks and shoes on one kid and go over to the other kid, the other one's taken their socks and shoes off. It's like, it's all you can do to keep from going crazy. Like we live two blocks from where they go to school. We could walk [00:43:00] to school, but we could start getting dressed at, you know, 45 minutes. And we're still like last people in the drop off line.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Have you found yourself as a parent? I know it's something that we, we do in my wife's half Colombian and we joke that, you know, Colombians are never on time to anything. And, and so I learned very on a very early on in our relationship, even before kids to get used to being on Colombian time, which meant if you showed up, if they set the party dinners at five and you show up at five, it's almost like, what the [00:43:30] hell are you doing here? Why are you so early? You know? But as we've had kids, I found that we've continued to be late to stuff, but yeah. But do you, do you adjust, uh, the adjust your, your schedule accordingly to give yourself plenty of time to prepare if you just accepted the fact that you're going to be 10 minutes late for everything?
Speaker 3: Um, I fight it, you know, I always want to be on time. Um, but what it has done has given me a new appreciation for people that are late with, you know, when I'm expecting them. Because I, my perception, [00:44:00] especially people that don't have kids like, all right, you're late. So first of all, you're wasting my time. And second of all, you're liar, cause you told me you were going to be here at this time. And a third of all, you've got zero respect for this. So I've loosened up on that a lot. And I've taken kind of ripped a page out of Thomas Friedman's book and it's like, thanks for being late. You know, like now that someone else is late, it because I, I am late now as much as it pains me to be late, because I feel like I'm projecting all [00:44:30] these things that I would otherwise receive onto them, that they feel that way about me. And I don't want someone to feel that way I've as a result, I've stepped back and I can appreciate when somebody is late and be totally fine with it. You know, somebody brings me a hamburger and I ordered chicken. Like, it, whatever. It's fine. Just have enjoyed the,
Speaker 2: Well, most of the time when it comes to kids being late, it's not because of something that we did wrong. It's, it's not, you know, it's, it's the unexpected comes up. I mean, I had it [00:45:00] happen about a week ago where I was, I was walking out the door. I mean, I was putting my jacket on to walk out the door and giving myself plenty of, you know, plenty of time. I didn't have to go that far. And Cohen tripped, fell, bumped it, you know, banged his mouth into something. Tears are flowing. I couldn't walk out the door at that moment. I just could not. You know, and like you had alluded to the, the, the primary, you know, going off of, uh, Goggins [00:45:30] a little bit there as far as protecting your primary and that sort of thing, you know, I, I know exactly what you're talking about. There's nothing that could have physically pulled me out of the house at that moment when my kid was crying with tears, rolling down his face. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Never give anyone, any slack for skipping something with me to do something with.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So, you know, it's, it's one of, one of those, one of those types of things, but all right. So, so you got some routines in the morning, get the kids out the door, you know, kind of building some memories with that [00:46:00] would that sort of thing. Oh, so moving forward, I guess, is there, what do you hope for what, what is, you know, and this is just kind of an open-ended question here, but what is your goal, you know, as a father, what do you, what are you trying to, what are you trying to do, I guess, uh, what, what's your, what's your focus with your kids?
Speaker 3: I've, that's evolved because it used to be, I want him to be this. I want them to be there and I want them to have this level of XYZ, but now it is to provide [00:46:30] them opportunities so that they can explore themselves. So a lot of the things that motivate me like to pursue the things I like doing is to be an example to them that look, even though you do this for a living, you can still carve out time to pursue all of these other things, because I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. So all I want are the opportunities to explore. And I know not all [00:47:00] people are wired the same way and wanting to have a little piece of everything. So when people want to dive into a single thing, but I feel like what I want for them is to have the opportunities to explore the life that will fulfill them the most and bring them the most joy. And I can not be the, I can't be the road sign for that. You know, I can't direct them towards that. I have to allow to find [00:47:30] that on their own. So I just want to, as a dad, put them in a position to, you know, go the direction that feels right to them. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And how do you, you know, I guess this question could be asked multiple ways, but you've got, you've got a little girl and a little boy. How does your parenting style, does your parenting style differ between them because you're dealing with a daughter or because you're dealing with a son, do you approach it differently? How do you deal with that?
Speaker 3: [00:48:00] That's a good question. Um, I don't think I approach it differently yet based on a boy and girl perspective, like right now, I think at three and four, like the, there's not really a boy girl difference. I mean, they could be interested in different things as it happens. My boys interested in trucks and cars and dinosaurs, my daughter's interested in princesses and makeup and stuff, but it may as well be, you know, red team, black team or whatever. It doesn't matter what those two,
Speaker 2: Like [00:48:30] your approach to talking to them. Because I, you know, I have, I have a stepson and I have, you know, my, my, my real little son Cohen, who's only 13 months old, but I don't have a daughter. And the idea of having a daughter terrifies me because I don't know if I have it in me to, you know, discipline, to yell, you know, raise my voice at, at, at a, at a daughter. I don't know if I have that in me. And so, uh, as much as I think I would like to say that I would, you know, approach each one of my kids equally [00:49:00] or the same, you know, based on that, I, I don't know if I have any,
Speaker 3: Um, my, my daughter is really smart in a different way than my son. Like she, she doesn't know her alphabet yet, but my son who's a year younger knows it backwards and sideways, but my daughter knows people and understands how to work with people. And, uh, she is in my head. Yeah. Like, and that's the, [00:49:30] I'm going to chalk that up to a gender difference and not an age difference. Maybe that's misogynistic that
Speaker 2: When you say something in your head, what do you mean?
Speaker 3: I mean, like, she knows how I work. Like she, like, I can see her experimenting with different angles.
Speaker 2: She's working you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I th I'm sure that she is, and I, and I can sometimes see when she's trying to, and it's fricking adorable and I love it because it makes her more aware of the way the world works. [00:50:00] But at the same time, it's hard to like, if you can't explain that to them, like, I feel like I'm, I want to talk it out. Let's talk, but talking in concepts to a four year old can be challenging. So I don't know that I treat them differently on a gender basis yet, but as, or maybe as a result of their gender, they are different humans. And I treat them different in that way. But she, you know, she's, [00:50:30] she's definitely infuriated me to the point where I have barked at her and it kills me. I bark at my son. He's super sensitive. He cries. And it's funny, the first thing he wants is consoling and he compartmentalizes it. And so he wants consoling for me. It's like, dude, I'm the. Now I feel terrible that my daughter can give it right back. So it's you think it'd be difficult to like chew on your daughter a little bit, but like, she's tough. Like she's strong and she'll give it back [00:51:00] to me and we'll have that conversation. And, uh, I mean, she gets, I think she gets it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm not worried about her as a, like, I think she's really strong. Yeah. I think I'm not worried about her at this point as a, as a female,
Speaker 2: Which one, you know, you are Sarah, who does she take after more? I'll ask that for both kids. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's funny. They both have a lot of each [00:51:30] of us. Um, and Sarah and I are a lot alike. So like, she's, they might be like two X-ing on stubbornness and things like that. I am very sensitive. Think I perceive myself that way. I've been told by my mom I'm that way. I don't know if that other people feel that way, but, um, my son is really sensitive and cerebral and he's not interested in talking to, he's not interested in groups. Like, he'll go play on his own. And like, I totally relate to that. Like [00:52:00] as well, as well as I think I can work a room or something, like I'd rather be in the corner playing with my truck. And that's like, occasionally, like he loves older kids. Like he wants to go hang out at night. I like that. Like, I can relate to that. And my wife, you know, I just see the, as much as the kids look like me, I see her in them, in their build and, uh, you know, their behavior. I don't know, man, [00:52:30] just going from one thing to another constantly, my daughter does that. She'll do this for five minutes. Do that for five minutes. Do that for
Speaker 2: You think so.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So that she gets, I was thinking that was Sarah. No, no.
Speaker 2: Oh, Sarah is that way? No, that's you man. That's you? I mean, not that you forget about the one thing that you left to go to the other one, but you know you're you're somebody that likes to have a lot of balls in the air and, and, and always have your hand in something new and you're doing this, but you're also doing this. So I, I definitely see you in that. I can see Sarah [00:53:00] in it as well, but yeah, it's funny that you would identify that as a quality that Sarah has and I'm sitting there going, no, that's totally,
Speaker 3: There's so much stuff to do in life, man. I just want to squeeze as much stuff as possible out the stuff that interests me. And yeah. If I ever exhaust that, I'll start doing things that don't interest me, maybe.
Speaker 2: Yeah. All right. Well, let's, uh, just another question that kind of popped into my head that we'll, we'll see where it goes, and this is just kind of random thought, but what is, what is [00:53:30] something, uh, a situation where you've reacted in a way like you've been having to dad, you know, this was a dad moment. What's one situation where you are proud of the way that you handled the situation that you were a dad and maybe one that you're not so proud of, something that you did where you said, I should have reacted differently. And I'm sure there've been a lot of them, but is there any that stands out to you? We'll start with the good and then with the bad
Speaker 3: Particularly [00:54:00] proud moment, you know, I think, I can't think of any particular moment off the top of my head, but I think that I'm, I'm proud of myself for being kind of cool under pressure. Like you like a duck, you know, it's like calm on the upside, but underneath like everything's freaking out, but like whenever the kids gets hurt, one of the kids hurts themselves. You know, Grayson broke her arm. She was dropped on her head [00:54:30] at one point. Like she just, um, she was dropped on her hand and like, I feel like even though I'm freaking out on the inside, like I prioritize and my fight or flight kicks in, and I understand that the most beneficial thing to do in this moment for the people that are important, like I click in and I'm calm. And I think that brings an energy [00:55:00] to the moment that keeps everybody okay.
Speaker 2: All right. Now, not to keep it real, yeah. An experience where maybe you didn't dat up as much as you, you could have, or maybe a, you know, maybe they, they ticked you off and you shouted at them and say, oh, I shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 3: I've definitely barked at the kids. Uh, and immediately feel regret. Yeah, the time that I did was when Riley, I got [00:55:30] really upset with him, uh, barked at him. And, uh, he started crying as a result of him being sensitive in my being out of character. And, uh, he immediately wanted a hug. And when he wanted the hug from me for consoling, I felt like such an. It goes like this kid is so pure and you know, he's already forgiven me for this, you know? And, uh, he feels terrible. [00:56:00] And I don't know if it's because he felt like I let him down or because it was just weird, but like, I felt really bad and that sticks with me. So that has encouraged me to practice patients with reactions and basically try to eliminate reactions. I want to be as logical and deliberate and thoughtful as possible. I want to be enthusiastic when things are fun and great, but when things are bad, I want to be cool as cucumber [00:56:30] talk it out. Yeah. And so every time I that's, when I feel like I'm a bad parent when I'm reactive. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I agree. I've, I've had that happen to me before as well. And, and what I found is a lot of times, it's not the behavior that I'm frustrated with. It's maybe something else that's going on. I've had, you know, I just got off the phone with, you know, uh, uh, another agent or a client or something, you know, some deal was, you know, just being, you know, particularly stressful and stuff. And then I, I took it out on the kid cause he made [00:57:00] a loud noise. Why, you know, while I was trying to think or whatever, you know, and then, you know, and you kinda, you kind of snap and stuff. And it's, it's one of those that I think to me, that's, that's hard as a parent, the guilt that you feel, you know, for, for allowing your frustrations about something that have nothing to do with your, you know, the kid, uh, allow, you know, kind of, you know, allows you to maybe, you know, snap or bark or something like that. And it's something I try to work on too. And, you know, just the whole, [00:57:30] you know, not allowing your stresses to affect the way that you're gonna, you're gonna to,
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's not even just parenting, but dealing or working with other people that are being disagreeable, whatever shape or form. And another time that I feel like I'm a bad, I'm not doing as well as a parent, as I could is when I get distracted, you know, instead of being present with them, I'm dicking around on my phone or, you know, not work-related stuff, even work-related stuff. It's like, there's gotta be a, like [00:58:00] if Sarah says, Hey, the kid was just trying to get your attention, but you're playing on your phone.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We're all guilty of it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And there's not an excuse for like, there's just not an excuse. We can't be guilty of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it's, yeah. It, you know, I know for me, you know, the phone, like, I, I, I do try to put it down and I know that recently you had me take your phone for the weekend so that you could, uh, you know, essentially go, you know, unplugged and get away from it. But it's so hard. It's amazing. The, [00:58:30] the, the addiction that we have to these things and, and, you know, as much as we want to break free from it, it's almost like the, the world that we've created. And, and, and I know a lot of industries are like about, particularly in real estate. I mean, my phone is my central hub for everything, for emails, for text messages, for phone calls, obviously, and then for entertainment as well, you know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally, totally. I mean, it's like, instead of having the newspaper in your hand, you've got the phone in your hand, instead of having, you
Speaker 2: Know, it's replaced
Speaker 3: [00:59:00] So many things, instead of making a reservation, you know, through the phone call, you're making it online, you're ordering your groceries online. It's like the phone is central hub for everything. Yeah. Actually this I'm going to, it didn't occur to me until just this moment, but I just finished reading the four hour workweek and the intent of reading, it was to try to figure out how to free up more time to do work and to automate more things. But I don't know if Tim Ferris intended for it to be this way, but you could totally apply that to parenting. I didn't even think about that until just [00:59:30] this moment, but I might reread that book and stop thinking about real estate or anything else and do it from a
Speaker 2: Different perspective. Try
Speaker 3: To try to look at it as how you can like hack into different things to be more productive, so you can be more available as a parent.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, I try to listen to a lot of, of what other people I respects, uh, opinion is on, on just kind of the whole untethering thing from the phone, you know? Cause it is, it's a real problem. Yeah. And, and, you know, and, and not even just for the kids, but you know, particularly [01:00:00] for, for me and you know, my wife, you know, you know, even laying in bed at night, we're watching TV and you know, we're both sitting there on our phones, scrolling through whatever, you know, because it is it's, it's, it's recreation as well. It's entertainment and yeah. So do do, do either one of your kids have a phone?
Speaker 3: No, no, no. Uh, they do have iPads that we have increasingly reduced the amount of exposure they get to. And in fact, we bought both of them, blue light blocker [01:00:30] glasses, that if they want to play in their app, they have to wear their blue light blockers just for iHealth reasons. But the incentive there, the reason that we stopped as much is that tearing it away from them was so hard. Like they were so out of sorts when we take it away. And uh, it's like, you can't kick and scream because I'm taking this away from you. Like it's time to go to bed. It's time to get in the car or whatever. Like, you can't be an. [01:01:00] So like you're not getting it anymore. So if you want to use this, you're when we ask for it, you're giving it to us right now. And if you don't, you don't get it. Yeah. But we've tried to limit it to when only one of us is home and we have to go take a shower or something. Or if we're at a restaurant and the wheels are just falling off, like they can't stand it anymore because it's
Speaker 2: On everybody else's meal. If you don't put the pad in front
Speaker 3: Of them and not just the people sitting at our table, but everybody else that's there, it's like, we can't wait 40 minutes for [01:01:30] the chicken fingers to come out guys. Like we ordered this when we walked through the door before you gave us menus, because we need to keep these kids busy. Yeah. It's like,
Speaker 2: It's so hard. It's so hard to, you know, um, because unfortunately we have to accept that, that phones and technology and all of those things are going to be, uh, an even as big a part of our lives as it is, it's going to be even bigger for our kids. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I didn't even laugh at us for carrying phones around who knows media. It wasn't integrated [01:02:00] into your school year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. No, it's, it's, it's crazy. And so it's one of those things that, you know, as much as you fight it, you also have to embrace it. And, and, you know, because it is, it's here to stay. I'm afraid. I've often said that I had, I have kind of a love, hate relationship with social media and that, you know, in, in this industry, it's important to have a social media presence and, and don't get me wrong. I enjoy it as well. You know, it, it is, it's, it's, it's, it's definitely [01:02:30] something that I enjoy as far as keeping in touch with people as far as learning things and, and getting insight into other people. But I've often said that if there was a button I could push to eliminate social media, I would, but there's not. So I use it. Yeah. And that's really how I feel about it.
Speaker 2: I think it's done a lot of good, but it's also, it also could definitely take away from your family, from your professional life, from your, your kids, all of that. So, all right. And so, so I guess the last [01:03:00] thing we asked was, uh, you know, something you've done as a, as a dad that maybe you weren't, weren't so proud of what, what have you, I guess, what are you, what are you trying to teach your kids? What, what kind of examples do you have, or, or, or have you given that, you know, try and try and trying to guide your kids, trying to, trying to raise these kids. What's something that you do on a, maybe a daily basis that, that, you know, guiding you towards, you know,
Speaker 3: I try to be loving and affectionate [01:03:30] in kind to them, no matter what I think if they're, you know, they say, w Wayne Dyer says, you know, if, if you squeeze an orange, what comes out, you know, orange juice. It's like, when I squeeze my kids, I want love and affection and kindness to come out. And I feel like the best way to get that into them, which I believe that children, babies are born as pure as it comes. And that, that it's the world that sours that. [01:04:00] So if I, you know, it's all these inputs and all the, you know, the, the socialization that occurs that, you know, exposure that kind of beats that out of them. And, uh, I want to do my best to keep that keep as much of that inside of them as possible. And by expressing that to them, I get it too. Does that answer the question? Yeah. Sure,
Speaker 2: Sure. Okay. Uh, we've kind of already touched on, on kind of [01:04:30] what you see in your kids. Do you see yourself what, what's something that you, that you try to make sure other than, than just love, like, but maybe, maybe as a male, you know, and I know that these kinds of questions can be a little questionable nowadays with gender roles and stuff, but, you know, as a male, as a husband, as a, as a father, what's something that you want your kids to see you doing. You know, what's a trait that, that, uh, that, uh, that a male that a father, a husband [01:05:00] should have, that you want your kids to see in you.
Speaker 3: I want them to be open. I don't want them to be rigid. And I, uh, I've been working on being more self-aware and more honest with myself. And I think that that's really the key to a lot of fulfillment and success and joyous to you and know who you are and know where you stand and to accept yourself as imperfect. And that, you know, even though you are that way, that being perfect is worth trying. And [01:05:30] the only way you can do that is if you are authentically you. And, uh, I think we all tend to take the shape of our environment to some extent. So if we can kind of reform ourselves to get to our honest selves and to be the best that we can be the best us we can be, we can be an example. It all comes down to example. Um, that's important to me that they remain authentic to themselves. [01:06:00] And don't, I mean, they're going to explore as they grow up and, you know, figure out who their real influences are. But to the extent that I can get my hands on my kids and keep my hands on my kids, uh, I want them to be just themselves. Yeah. Without, without fear of my judgment. Okay.
Speaker 2: Um, all right. Anyone
Speaker 3: Else's for that matter.
Speaker 2: All right. So let's, let's start with some, some kind of faster questions. [01:06:30] Here are some lightning round, give you a taste of your own medicine.
Speaker 3: Um, you think that I would have thought about this by now, but
Speaker 2: So we'll start with kind of one that, uh, w was a tough one for me to answer. Um, but what, uh, sorry, who is your favorite TV? Dad? I
Speaker 3: Know this one and it's Phil Dunphy. Okay. For modern
Speaker 2: Family. Okay. What is it about Phil dumpy that you like good quick?
Speaker 3: Um, well, one, I can relate to him as a realtor. Um, and, [01:07:00] but he is just up for anything, you know? And he tries different stuff. I mean, every, every time he says TM, it cracks me up because it's like the head-scratcher TM or whatever. It's like, I can totally resonate with that. And he just adores has all of his kids and, uh, has it has fun. And I want to be more like that. I want to have more fun. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. So another question here, [01:07:30] if, uh, it, it, the billboard question, which I know you're familiar with, but for people listening, if you had billboard space on a highway and you could put up a message to other dads out there, what would you write? What would you have it say, okay,
Speaker 3: I've heard a couple of really great ones hosting this podcast, and I might steal some of theirs. One of them is they're watching you. They're all your kids are always watching them. So be very aware of the way you treat [01:08:00] other people and the way you treat yourself in the way you treat your family, because your kids are learning. So they're watching you that by itself might be kind of a creepy message, but to parents, they're watching you. And, uh, I brought us one that I thought was great and I hate to ruin it for anyone that hasn't listened. Um, but it was just, his was go home,
Speaker 2: Go home, go home.
Speaker 3: I was like, whatever you're doing here,
Speaker 2: Go home, go home, spend time with [01:08:30] your family. All right. And then how would you describe the kind of father that you would like to be remembered as
Speaker 3: Gosh, a great example. Somebody that always said, why not? Instead of now, uh, I hope that I can inspire my kids. I hope they find inspiration from me and I want, [01:09:00] I don't know what the right word is, but I want them to know that whatever you get testicle, part of me wants to be the best. I want to be supportive and to them being a lot better than me.
Speaker 2: All right. And then I guess we'll, we'll, uh, I may have other questions that come up to me, but the last formal question here is if this recording this podcast is going to be out [01:09:30] there forever for your, your kids' kids' kids to, to listen to what is the message that you would like, like, like for your kids to remember, like for your kids to hear,
Speaker 3: I want them to, whatever, however much they love, however kind they are be more kind, love more, give more than they take, which I don't know if I do or not, but I'm working on that regardless. Use your time. Well, [01:10:00] you use it don't waste time. Always find the time is a, find a sense of urgency. Yeah. And if I'm speaking directly to them, I'm going to borrow something I heard the other day was like, I hope I was a strong part of the chain on the way down and that they can be proud of the decisions that I made that helped lay the groundwork for their existence. Um, [01:10:30] and I hope that they're all better than every single one of them is better than me and that, uh, I love them unconditionally. I'm watching you and I'm watching, I'm watching you.
Speaker 2: All right. And then just kind of as something that just popped into my head, a message for your wife. Oh, wow. About parenting, about being a father, [01:11:00] you know, in parenthood. Yeah. What would you say?
Speaker 3: Uh, that I'm grateful for her patience with me as I evolve, I try to be better her guidance in, you know, and her, uh, her leash. She has given me a lot of rope to do the stuff that I want to do. And I want to thank her for, you know, her malleability and, you know, not being rigid. You know, we [01:11:30] both have foundations that are totally different and we've, I think, negotiated to the middle in a lot of things. And, uh, I'm proud of our growth together. Cause we're not the same people we were when we met. I understand how hard it is for, you know, how everything's all roses and sunshine for a long time. And then you get introduced to this new part of your life. And [01:12:00] you're not the same people, or if you are the same people, you're in a new environment, the context is different. And so like it requires work and I'm grateful that she puts in the work to, to tolerate me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Well, Sarah is definitely the real hero in the, in the Ross, the Ross family. I've, I've known Tyler and put up with him for 20 years. She doesn't have that many years under her belt yet, but she has to, she has to deal with them, uh, you know, in ways I don't. So
Speaker 3: [01:12:30] My kid's demeanor is, are both of them, uh, are both, they're both kind. And they're both default setting is to be happy. I'm not a terribly enthusiastic person, as you can tell by the last hour of my monotone voice. Um, but she is, and I love that about her and my kids are dramatic and enthusiastic and happy and kind and, uh, fun because [01:13:00] of her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. I think you're fun too, but no, Sarah is definitely, always a super happy complimentary flattering, all of those things and, and, and yeah, I hope I hope your kids will get that
Speaker 3: Fast. Like the very first, the very first thing she sees as positive and I'm working on that. The very first thing I see is an opportunity for improvement. Yeah. So that implies [01:13:30] that the very first thing I see as negative, but I don't frame it that way. I think she interprets it that way sometimes, but like, I'm always looking for the way it can be better and she's appreciating it in the way that it is. And, uh, you know, that's, that's a big gap, uh, to try to close and we have to talk a lot about it because we're different in that way, but I really appreciate that and learn from her. Yeah.
Speaker 2: [01:14:00] All right. Well, in the, in the spirit of this being your podcast, is there anything that you'd want to say to the people that listen that have listened to the episodes or some of the episodes so far? Um, you know, any, anything you'd want to cool on a say,
Speaker 3: Man, thank you for asking me. I can't express enough gratitude to the people who have taken their time to permit my, you know, journey into their mind and their soul and their being, talking about parents and talking about their business and their experiences. [01:14:30] Um, I've learned so much from them and I'm excited about learning more. Um, you guys have enabled the, my goal to do cool with cool people. And, uh, I'm doing that now. I've done it for the episodes past and we'll do it for the episodes forward. And as a result of my chasing my selfish goal, I hope that the benefit stretches [01:15:00] to hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands. And if I could wave a magic wand, it would be millions of dads, parents, kids who would listen to the incredible stories of the people that are willing to be interviewed. I think it's our obligation as parents to be the best we can and to make our generation of kids better than the generation we are. And that's, [01:15:30] humanity's benefit. That's the benefit of the oceans, the land, the people, the animals it's to everybody's benefit that children are raised as well as they can be. And I don't know how to do that, but I hope to be a conduit for the advice of people who have experience to give little nuggets for people to interpret and apply in hopes of creating a really amazing group [01:16:00] of people. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. Thank you to the people that listened to it. I know I enjoy listening, you know, to, to, to the podcast, to the questions I'm, I'm anxious and excited to see where it goes. I, I hope to be at, you know, just like getting to kind of play around today and ask you some questions has been fun and, you know, hope to get involved in it more in the future and, and help out with some things with it. But I think it's cool what you're doing. Uh, I think it's getting good, good responses. I've heard. I'm sure you've heard a [01:16:30] good response from people. It's so cool on this. And it's a fun thing. And, uh, you know, with, with one of the questions you ask about, uh, this recording lasting forever, I don't see any reason why, why it shouldn't or what.
Speaker 2: And so, um, I think, you know, you're also creating kind of some cool time pieces out there that, that, you know, people will be able to go back and listen to, uh, many, many years from now and, and appreciate where they were. Maybe at this moment, it'd be cool to do some followup ones with people down the road, as well as, as you know, parenthood evolve. [01:17:00] So, so thank you for that. Appreciate it. Uh, you, let me kind of have some fun asking you questions and, uh, thanks for doing it. Yeah, yeah. We'll, we'll do more of this, uh, collaboration in the future, but yeah, for now, I guess this was a learning to dad with, uh, with Tyler Ross, with Steven Tyler, Steven Tyler, Tyler. So we sell houses, we don't make music. Thanks me. And I really appreciate it.