Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross 012 - Jesse Itzler
Speaker 2: Welcome to learning [00:00:30] to dad. I'm Tyler Ross. My guest today is Jesse Itzler. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 3: Hi pleasure, man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. And actually with that in mind, I know I could give this incredible delivery of introduction to you, but rather than that, I'd like to hear what you think your dad would say about you. How would your dad introduce you?
Speaker 3: Well, my dad's 89 years old and my dad happens to be upstairs in my house right [00:01:00] now. Maybe I'll go get
Speaker 2: Him. I bring it on, man.
Speaker 3: I don't know. You know, he's a dad, he's a true, true old school father. So I'm sure he's proud and I would have good things to say. And I think he would say that even if I, uh, you know, broke all the rules and did everything wrong. So he's just a hundred percent unconditional.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I believe that to be true. Uh what's what's your time been like with him since he's with you now?
Speaker 3: Always good man, always something always a cherished [00:01:30] moment. So 89, starting to, starting to, um, drift a little bit into, you know, gotta yell. I got to yell a little louder to get attention and keep things short, but it's, it's great. I'm lucky.
Speaker 2: That's awesome. Well, so the point of the conversations that I like to have is, you know, of course getting a little bit of feedback on how to be a dad do's and don'ts. And I find that entrepreneurs, people like yourself tend to be very reflective [00:02:00] and thoughtful and deliberate in the way that they look at their past and plan for their future. And so I can't think of anyone better to have this conversation with. I admire you an awful lot. You've got four kids,
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: And what are their ages?
Speaker 3: I have a they're all under 10 years old at three boys and a girl, a daughter. My oldest is nine. I have two almost five-year-old boys and three-year-old daughter
Speaker 2: Too. So the middle two are twins. Oh, cool. What's it like having [00:02:30] twins? I could put their personalities among the four and with each other
Speaker 3: Fun, you know, a lot different w my, my oldest was an only child for five years, so, and then all of a sudden we had two little guys come in and, you know, they have each other to play with and entertain themselves and learn from, and challenge each other and compete with each other. So it's, it's a completely different dynamic, but it's, uh, it's a lot of fun, a
Speaker 2: Lot of, um, that they're the best. [00:03:00] One of, one of my favorite things that I know that you're involved in is I think you're calling it your 50 at 50 50 skills and your 50th year. I'd be curious to know if any of those skills you've gotten to participate with, with your kids or teach them.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So for my 50th birthday, I made a list of 50 things that I always wanted to learn how to do, but I hadn't learned how to do them. Everything from free diving, to riding a motorcycle, to learning how to drive, stick, shift to backgammon. And ping-pong, [00:03:30] so my, my kids have, I bring a coach in to teach those skills that the thought was once a week, it hasn't turned out to be exactly once a week, but, but yeah, so my kids get to watch and experience and they, and they've joined in and some of the ping pong lessons, but I'm actually taking, I'm getting certified in scuba with my nine-year-old. So he's doing that with me. And it's just, that's an amazing thing to be able to go through that with him and then be able to take them out and, and celebrate the fact that we went through [00:04:00] this process together is amazing. Especially as a generally age.
Speaker 2: Yeah. What do you find his experience has been like that I'm no doubt it's character building, but like where are you seeing kind of the changes and him coming along with you?
Speaker 3: Yeah. So he's actually ahead of me because several classes and we're starting our joint classes now, so we haven't actually done it yet together and I'll have to catch up to him. He's a quicker study than I am in the water. So we'll see what happens. [00:04:30] But yeah, no, I mean, it's, it's not just the actual lessons and carving and that kind of one-on-one time, which is so important when you have four kids to give, to give each child a little bit of one-on-one time is so important, but also the preparation reviewing it at the family table, letting my other kids see that we're going through it. I mean, there's a whole mushroom effect to what's going on. So I'm really excited about it. Um, hopefully I'll be able [00:05:00] to do something with each one of my kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm sure you will. You tend to put your mind to something in the next cute it. So what's one of the skills that you're going to be coming up on that you're excited about just for you,
Speaker 3: Honestly, every single thing on that list, I'm really excited about. They're all things that I've always wanted to do. So, you know, I spent a lot of time thinking about like in a perfect world, what would it, what would I want to learn? And I mapped out this list, but I've [00:05:30] already learned how to ride a motorcycle, which is really fun. I had no idea got on that thing. And I was like, what I took, I took a free diving class. I went from holding my breath from literally only 35 seconds on the water to three minutes in a one session. Wow. I've seen enormous gains very quickly. It just reinvigorated my desire to want to learn. You know, like when you're a kid, you're a sponge. When you get older, you focus on one thing. You Tyler, you're a real estate. So you focus, you become [00:06:00] an expert in real estate. And that's where a lot of your energy is. And a lot of the other disciplines or hobbies or whatever, you know, you get bottleneck and they suffer, maybe not suffer, but they don't expand because you're focused on real estate and the law and selling and buying. So this is just kind of reinvigorated my desire to learn and is fun. I feel like an eight year old
Speaker 2: That's, that's really cool that you would say that I had a guest on that said, you know, when you have kids, [00:06:30] you experienced the same experience except through their eyes. So it's almost like you're having it for the first time, which takes you. One of your, one of your great quotes is getting your foot in the door and figuring out the rest later parenting.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Left foot still on the door. I'm still learning. Yeah. I'm a gigantic work in progress. You know, I, uh, my best friends, Google, I Google everything. Every disease, every source, every [00:07:00] symptom, every situation. Yeah. I mean, it's just, uh, I said to my mom the other day, I don't know how my parents raised four kids in an era where there was no cell phone where there was no internet where, you know, my mom went to get groceries and left before kids home with my dad and my mom went and took our only car and went to get groceries. And my dad needed to get in touch with her. He had to wait three hours for her to get home. If she ran out of gas, [00:07:30] that that was like, that was, there was no way to call and say, come pick me up. And she forgot something at the supermarket. She had to go back and drive another 20 minutes to go get the bread and come back with the bread. Cause she forgot it. And then we were all stuck. It it's just, it was a, I don't know how here I can say like Sarah, come home. My wife it'll come home. I need this. Or so-and-so I Skype them. They want to see mommy. It's just such a different world. And you know, to raise kids is hard enough, [00:08:00] but to do it, I think two decades ago, three decades ago was even harder
Speaker 2: In that, in those two different contexts, like the way that you were growing up, what do you think is an advantage that you might've had, that your kids won't have on account of that time difference?
Speaker 3: I had to learn how to, I had to learn how to deal with being bored. I had to be, you know, everything is very scheduled. Now there's access to, at any time you can go on video games or this or that. I had to create my own games, create my own fun. I [00:08:30] had, it forced me to be creative. And it forced me to, I think I was forced to deal with disappointment. I think a lot of kids today, you know, everybody makes a team, nobody gets cut. It's all this anti-bullying thing, which is great. Don't get me wrong. Of course. But there's a pattern of kids being pampered in a sense that they just don't learn how to deal with disappointment. And I got smacked with disappointment left and right as a kid and that I think that's builds grit. [00:09:00] I think it's a really good, those are good lessons to get at at an early age and figure out how to navigate.
Speaker 2: So I wonder if you were coaching courses kind of doing that for adults. And then on top of that, do you feel like you have to kind of conjure opportunities for your kids to build that grit out? Imagine teaching adults is different than teaching your own kids.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest challenge with being a parent for me is just recognizing that my kids are on a completely different [00:09:30] journey than I was on. If I wanted to play basketball until it was dark out in my backyard. And my mother would be like, you have to come in it's bedtime, but my kids want to play Minecraft or Fortnite. I can't get mad about that. That's a D they're on a different trajectory than I am. So that's always, that's been a bit of a challenge, but you know, it's very hard for me as a parent to, uh, when I see something, if I see a ball coming, that's going to hit my son. It's very easy for me to put my hand out [00:10:00] and grab the ball. And my father let the ball hit me in the face, whatever the ball was, whether it was, you know, an F on a paper.
Speaker 3: Cause he knew my, whatever it was. He didn't jump in front of me. And um, he helped me. He showed up at everything. He supported me, he encouraged me, but it didn't catch the ball that was going to hit me in the face. It's hard for me to not catch that ball. You know, I have resources. I, I, I'm growing up very differently. My kids are growing up completely differently than I grew [00:10:30] up my dad on the plumbing supply house. You know, it's just a completely different scenario. So my parenting has to be different. My concerns are different than the concerns my parents had. And so I didn't have anyone to teach me that kind of stuff. So I'm trying to figure it out as I go and I get a lot of it wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's perfect. That's why we have these conversations to talk about how to be better as humans, parents, uh, for our kids.
Speaker 3: [00:11:00] If I could just say, you know, everybody's kids have quirks, they all challenges just, you know, they'll have all of glitches, anyone who says their kids don't have a glitch or something. I mean, maybe there's a handful of kids that have it all figured out, but most kids have glitches and everyone's glitches different and everybody's quirkiness is different and everyone's fears are different. So how we parent one child is different than the other, you know, it's [00:11:30] just, um, it's just a fascinating thing. All four of my kids is so different and the approach, although like the philosophy might be the same, the approach has to be different. One of my kids is very sensitive. He likes to talk it out. One of my friends, one of my kids, if he's going to cry, he'll go. He doesn't want to see us cry. I'll go, you know, it's just a completely different dynamic and you gotta figure it. It's hard, man.
Speaker 2: Well, do you relate to any of your kids in that level and thinking that like [00:12:00] that kid, that was me when I was his or her age.
Speaker 3: Yes. I mean, you know, bits and pieces come out of both my wife and myself and our children a lot. And you know, it's, it's, uh, it's fun to see.
Speaker 2: So what's, what's a quality that one of your kids has that you're particularly proud of.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say I'm proud of it, but I stayed off. Some of them, one of my sons is very stubborn. [00:12:30] You know, when he puts it, when he puts the flag in the ground, the flags in the ground, if I said to my youngest son, look, eat your apple and I'll take you to Disneyland Disneyland. If he doesn't want to use apple, regardless of it's Disneyland or a trip around the world or a bucket of ice cream, he's not eating his apple. So there was a, there was a part of me like that too, as a kid. And then there's elements of me that, that my kids are completely opposite [00:13:00] of me.
Speaker 2: How about Sarah?
Speaker 3: Same, same thing. I mean, Sarah was very driven as a child. She's very driven now, but as a child, she was very, very driven. She had a lot of leadership qualities early on and my kids are okay, not being leaders then, you know, not all of my kids are leaders. None of my kids I think necessarily, might be a leader. And that's, that's it, you know, it's all, like I said, they're on their own journey. And you had this [00:13:30] movie in your head about what you think your kids are going to be like, based on the way you grew up or your own personality or where you are today. And just as I sit in this seat today, my kids didn't, they had nothing to do with that. They had nothing to do with that journey. So from zero to 40, they weren't even in my life. And so they're, you know, they start with a completely blank slate and a blank piece of paper, and then they write their own script and you, you [00:14:00] give them some of the pain, but they're going to write their own script.
Speaker 2: So, uh, you had, you started having kids at 40 at that time, you'd already, uh, checked a lot of boxes. How did your process and checking these boxes, business, spiritual, physical goals change once you had, I know one kid is different than having four, but like the evolution of your process and achieving your goals
Speaker 3: As your life changes your life system changes. So all the things that [00:14:30] I wanted to do, what I was doing when I was 40 running marathons, maybe I was starting a business. Maybe I was writing a book. There's only a certain amount of time. Let's say this is your time. And then all of a sudden you have a kid, you have all these responsibilities and it keeps growing and growing and growing and growing. But your time says, that's not going to really change as 24 hours in a, so as you evolve, your life system has to change as you change your life changes, your life system has to change. So I had to eliminate sub [00:15:00] certain things to create more time, to put more kids on my plate. And that's what I did. So someone was telling me yesterday about this college scandal is happening with key scores or whatever, and that they grounded all these big airplanes or whatever. I had no idea what they were talking about because I've eliminated pretty much all TV, you know, their sacrifices.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh gosh. So actually thinking about screens, I know what's, [00:15:30] how's your life changed with the introduction of social media. You've become so prevalent in the world that I'm familiar with in big part to social media. And I'm sure you spend a lot of time on your phone, so grateful for you to interact with me online. Does that change your perspective on devices and how they impact your kids or just kids in general?
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, it's, it's like as the world's changing the life, system's changing too young to be on social media. I think I'm going to [00:16:00] have that my wife and I will put together a strategy and a plan around that in when the time is right. Right now, we're going to delay it as much as we can. I guess my nine year old would be the first one. I'm sure he's going to start asking about that. I mean, he's already hinted to stuff like that and he has an iPad and it has all stuff. He can, he has access, but you, it just opens. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. It's good. And it's bad. So I think, you know, I haven't really, really [00:16:30] put a lot of thought into the parameters and the guidelines, but I will, but at the same time, I don't think you can pray.
Speaker 3: You can say no, because then it'll just make them more eager. And so we'll figure that out. And, but for me, it's the same thing, you know, it's, it's designed to be super addicting. It is super addicting. And you know, every, every once in awhile I I'm, uh, I am aware of the power of it. And I think personal inventory [00:17:00] around, am I abusing that? Or am I staying within the proper lanes and limits? But yeah, but for me in my business, it's a big part of it. So it's a, it's a form of communication. It's a form of marketing it's form of messaging and branding. It's the cheapest best, most effective way to get information to people that I think could be beneficial. So I've adapted.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So with you and Sarah's [00:17:30] position, now, you could certainly, or I would imagine, certainly turn the key, shut it all off and just do something else. Why have you chosen to continue to, you know, do and take these actions, building your businesses?
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I've thought about shutting it all down. I think about it a lot. And um, I think there might be a time where I shut it down for a year or two. We talk about traveling, but my window, I'm 50 years old. And my window [00:18:00] to, let's say I have 30 years left. I do have 30 years left till I'm 80. That window to be relevant in the world to have a powerful voice is shrinking fast. So right now at 50 with a platform and friends and pretty decent Rolodex to shut it all down, I think I would regret that. And I think I have more in me more to offer things that make me feel fulfilled. So I'm not doing [00:18:30] stuff just to chase money that that's done. I'm not gonna, I'm not going to sacrifice my time or my family time just to make money.
Speaker 3: And by the way, that has nothing to do with me having money. I've always been like that. So I'm just as happy now. I'm no more happy now than I was when I was sleeping on 18 friends, different couches when I was starting my career. So, but I feel like I get fulfillment out of this coaching program. I had at a, some of the topics that I'm covering and taught and addressing [00:19:00] and attacking and getting in front of and trying to be a champion of certain things that are important to me. So that's that stuff that makes me feel good. We all want the same thing. Every single human wants the same thing. And that's the feel good at the end of the day, if I didn't feel good about what I was doing, I wouldn't do it. So that's sort of, kind of like my litmus test.
Speaker 2: Actually. That's not a horrible segue for me to ask my celebrity guests [00:19:30] question, I message with
Speaker 3: Bringing in a celebrity guest
Speaker 2: Here. We're bringing one in Lewis' house. He's not, he's not here, but we've been messaging Louis. I asked Louis, if you could ask Jesse a question about parenting and family, what would it be? And Louis was so generous as to provide one. And he said, ask Jesse when he feels the most loved.
Speaker 3: Oh wow. That's a really good question. I mean, this is going to sound ridiculous. W when do I feel [00:20:00] the most loved by my kids? Does he mean as a dad?
Speaker 2: I didn't clarify. I think that just in general in life, when you feel the most like full, full in your heart,
Speaker 3: Why send out a lot, a tremendous amount of love into the universe and I get a tremendous amount back. So I just, I feel surrounded by people in my world that I care deeply about, and they care deeply about me. My whole entire life has been built on relationships, [00:20:30] friendships, caring. I mean, like when you get a nine 80 on your sat, if you don't care the most about people, you're going to be in trouble. So I really built my whole foundation around that. So I never feel like I'm out of that space. And I think that's the greatest gift that I have pertinent. It's been given to me personally, to feel that way. And I might sound corny, but that is how I feel. Honestly, I feel like I've had a very, very charmed life. I've been very fortunate and [00:21:00] predominantly because of the people that are in my life.
Speaker 2: I love that I'm going to do kind of a hard pivot because I want to talk about food. I know you are working on a documentary. My mom owns an organic health food store. She started in 1990. It's a near and dear to my heart. And I know you had previously referred to it as serial killers with, you know, potential for change. But I wondered if you could elaborate on that a little bit, how it, and why it's important to you, the ethics of it. And [00:21:30] I know food in general is a big part of your sustainability and energy.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I've always been passionate about food. I think that big corporations have a responsibility, especially if they, if they control so much, I'll state, you know, ship so much space in supermarkets, which the cereal companies do, they have the center aisle and that the most valuable real estate in almost every single supermarket throughout the country. I think that comes with the responsibility. [00:22:00] And I'm at not just the products that these companies are pushing out as nutrition, as nutrition and nutritious, but I'm about the marketing and the deception around that and how they target kids. And I don't know, talent. How old are you? 35. Yeah. So when you get to be 50, if you've been on earth for 50 years and you walk around every day and there's not something that you off and you don't see something that you, that you want to stand for, it could be bullying.
Speaker 3: It could be, [00:22:30] you know, uh, medications and it could, whatever it is, and you don't speak up for it. And I'm not talking about going and marching in front of the white house with the flag or going on a, on a, you know, food strike to have some kind of position about something that you off. And if you have a platform and you don't take advantage of that, then like shame on you. That's how I feel. And this is something that's important to me, 50, almost 50% of Americans wake up and have cereal in the, every day [00:23:00] in the morning, Kellogg is the word nutrition and nutritious over 4,000 times on their website, but they sell stuff. That's not nutritious. They sell stuff that's processed that has Roundup in it. That uses ingredients that are banned in other countries, preservatives that are known to be bad for you.
Speaker 3: And then they go and they say, this is good for a nine month old or a one-year-old. And they have all these ridiculous claims in this deception. And everyone's getting overweight. Kids are ADHD, childhood cancer, skyrocketing. It's an all time [00:23:30] high. And the average American is in 10 to 14 pounds of cereal, a year, 150 bowls of cereal. You know, there's enough cereal soul that if you want every single box up, you can go to the moon and back every year. And they're out there saying breakfast is the most important meal. This is what we're, this is nutritious. Start your day like this. And all the kids are getting up and I'm. So anyway, not that you hit a hot button or anything, but, um, [00:24:00] yeah, so, so I, um, I want to expose some of the, some of what's going on in the industry and some of the ridiculous claims that these companies are saying, and just how deceptive they're being in their marketing strategies. Because to me, you know, look, the CEO of general mills, the CEO of Kellogg's, how many kids do you have? I've got
Speaker 2: Two kids, three and four, three and four years old.
Speaker 3: I might be wrong, but I don't think [00:24:30] they get paid. If you're three to four year old kids eat their cereal and they're more nutritious. I think they get paid at their stock stuff. And if their stock doesn't go up, they're out of a job. They're not even aligned with the health of your kids. They're aligned with the shareholders and creating value. Okay. And that doesn't mean that their sh if their cereal is, if it's 50% sugar and cells, they're going to Hawaii this year. And if your kid is sick, they're in Hawaii. Anyway, they'll just add more sugar. [00:25:00] That's literally what's going on. And they don't care, man. They don't care. I can, I can. So when you have somebody that's a off father that actually really cares and is doing something because they care versus someone that's in it, because they want their stock price to go up. I'm going to bet on the guy that cares any day of the week. So here we go, me versus me versus breakfast.
Speaker 2: The verse breakfast, I try to totally tracking with you there. [00:25:30] I know that we didn't talk about this, so sorry if I put you on the spot, but is there resource or anything that anybody listening could go to to support the cause?
Speaker 3: Yeah. So I mean the best way, thank you for that. The best way is just to follow me on Instagram at Jesse. Itzler at J E S S E I T Z L E R. I post every Friday. I have a Friday post called fake Fridays where I dress some of these topics, some of the ingredients, some of the ridiculousness, but ultimately this little culminate in a documentary, which [00:26:00] I'm doing now. So it'll be out by the end of this year.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm super excited to see it. I know my mom's going to be super excited to see it. So thanks for calling
Speaker 3: Regular documentary. It's not, it's not anyone that knows my business journey. It's not like a regular documentary. I'm doing it in a way that's, I'm really excited about. So it'll be, it's going to be pretty creative.
Speaker 2: No doubt about that from following you for the last few months. I've no doubt, but thank you, you know, on behalf of [00:26:30] me and my family and kids that, uh, are all tracking with you. That's awesome. So over the course of your, you know, pursuing information to put this together, how has that informed how you feed your kids?
Speaker 3: And it's had an impact, it's had an impact. There's no Cheerios in my house. It's made me super aware and super angry. And I've learned, I've learned so much. I've really taken a deep dive into the space and the category. Yeah. I mean, there are, and I will post why they, one of the, one [00:27:00] of the reasons why documentaries fall short is there's real, you know, they inform and they educate and they bring awareness, but they don't always have a call to action. And they don't always have like, well, here's the solution. So one thing I'll be sure to do is, is provide everybody a list of, I don't want to say things that I'm not a nutritionist, but in my opinion, what I think would be the best, the best alternatives. If you're going to have cereal, which I asked you, my kids have cereal, I have [00:27:30] cereal. Here's a list of the cereals that, you know, I think are better. And here's the reason why, or corporate corporations that I think are doing things really in an ethical and proper way.
Speaker 2: I get the feeling that they're going to retract back into being almost like craft food, the way brewery and, uh, you know, other things come, they'll get to smaller companies. I hope. And I saw that you're involved in, uh, uh, chip. Uh, tell me the name of the company you're involved in. I saw [00:28:00] ed my leg plug the chips.
Speaker 3: Oh, pig out. Yeah. There pig out is a, is a company that we're involved in of itself like vegan bacon strips, bacon, basically chips. They're very good. Yeah. There's a lot of, there's a couple of companies that I'm looking at that I want to support. I mean, there's so many amazing companies in this country and there's so many people that do the right thing, et cetera. I'm just mad about the big ones that have the most power and, uh, and how they choose to use [00:28:30] that. So let me think about this. Oh yeah. General mills or Kellogg's okay. Any of the big companies, they don't have to use food, dye, yellow, six red, 40, all that stuff. Blue dyes. That's not food. There's no nutritional value in that. When they, when you ingest something like that, your body recognizes it either as nutritious food in which it [00:29:00] goes to work immediately to distribute the goodness to your cells or it's bad for you.
Speaker 3: And it does everything in his power to get it out of your body, food dyes, especially some of the ones that are banned in other nations, because they're deemed unsafe are only used to make the box. And the cereal attractive to your eye. The blues are blue. The greens are green. Lucky charms is via the colors of vibrant, but there's no nutritional value. They don't have to use that. They can make their cereal look different [00:29:30] colors by using, you know, vegetable juice or different or different kinds of natural colorings and this and that. So maybe it's not as green or as blue, but that doesn't sell as well. Yeah, it's, it's a misalignment and that's not cool when you, when you're giving it. And you're tricking people, you have the power to spend billions of dollars to, to literally brainwash people. And that's what I think is going on
Speaker 2: A hundred percent, the odds are stacked against us. I just [00:30:00] with my dad yesterday, trying to figure out what to do for lunch. And we said, can't go to the grocery store. Cause it's all crap. So
Speaker 3: They can do it. They have the power of Kellogg's has 2000 R and D people on my team. We can put a PR person on the moon. We can't put, uh, like a cereal on the, on the shelf. That's a little bit better than what are they can do better, man.
Speaker 2: And it's just a, uh, educational campaign
Speaker 3: And distribution dominance.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I'm going to like and share, [00:30:30] as soon as that documentary's out, I'll get as many people as I can to watch that. Um, so I'm psyched about it, man. It's close to my heart. So staying kind of on that topic, Sarah is the cheese queen then how do you have, do you guys have drag outs over Cheez-Its
Speaker 3: Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 2: My wife had the same exact thing. How do you reconcile it?
Speaker 3: I mean, my wife is a grown woman, artist people I know on the planet who can make her own decisions. So [00:31:00] that's how I handle it. She lets me eat. I only fruit until 12 o'clock every day, 27 years religiously. If she has Jesus or whatever she wants to have, that is completely okay with me. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You, you mentioned both of you have similar traits and being, you know, strong in your positions. So with that, when you have disagreements over maybe how to discipline a kid or how to take a particular action, how might you come to [00:31:30] a compromise so that you can be on the same team? You have like a practice
Speaker 3: Rock, paper, scissor, and that's it, that's it. Whoever wins, whoever wins wins, do rock paper, scissor alive for certain things. No, we talk about it and you know, that's one of the challenges of parenting is how you choose to parent as probably the number one, top three issue for sure. In marriages, with people that have kids is, you know, how you choose to marriage. It is not something you would dress normally [00:32:00] before you get married. Like let's sit down and talk about if we have three boys and a girl, how do you want to parent them? How do you want to feed them? How much exercise do you want to give them? How often do you want to read to them? Like we never had that conversation and all of a sudden, boom, you go from two people to six party of six and all these things become real time issues. So you have to deal with them and you, you know, we talk about it, we carve out time weekly to talk [00:32:30] about it.
Speaker 2: That's beautiful. And, um, as my wife and I try to do the exact same thing, but when I'm talking to my three year old or my four year old, they don't, they don't get the logic of my genius explanation to why they should or shouldn't do something. You have any tips for me on how I can get into my kids. You know, you should do that. Shouldn't do that any, you know, what's it like trying to discipline your kids?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I think just you don't need advice from me. I think it's just, um, you do it by example, if you, [00:33:00] how, how can I tell my kids not to eat cheese? If my wife is eating cheeses, but if my wife and I don't eat cheese, it's, it's a much easier conversation. So you just, you do it by example. So
Speaker 2: With that, I'm curious, you've had the experience with Goggins, the experience with the monks. Did you have one or two takeaways from either both of those experiences that really informed your approach to parenting?
Speaker 3: Not neither. Well, the monks aren't parents that's for sure.
Speaker 2: So your kids are [00:33:30] German shepherds
Speaker 3: As far as parenting. I didn't get a lot of tips from the monks and Goggins Goggins, I believe as a daughter, but I, you know, again, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't go to the monastery and I didn't, I didn't Goggins wasn't in my life for parenting tips. I was seeking something completely differently, different, but they're both provide a tremendous value and are super inspiring in their own ways and are great teachers [00:34:00] in their own ways. So there were a lot of lessons that I learned, look, everything that you learned translates down to your kids. So if let's say I got a little grittier from Goggins, hopefully I could raise greater your kids. Maybe I learned a little bit more patience or spirituality or how to be a little bit more focused. Hopefully I can for the monks hope that that will translate down. I can pass some of that down to my kids. So if I'm the sponge and I can squeeze out that juice all over [00:34:30] my kids. Great. And they were part of the rain that the, that the sponge soaked up.
Speaker 2: I love that. Well, I want to be sensitive to your time. So I'm going to jump into like my quick kind of rapid fire questions. The first one let's say is what is on your not to do list as a father?
Speaker 3: Uh, try not to lose my temper too much. I try to just, I try not to react off of just a motion right away. So I [00:35:00] I'll count the throughout the, like that little, you know, 1, 2, 3 magic thing. I'll count the three. So I, I try not because I'm impulsive than, you know, sometimes you realize it's not that big a deal that something spilled or someone didn't do this, or,
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome. I got to count all the way to five. I'm impressed that you only have to get to three,
Speaker 3: Three Mississippi's
Speaker 2: What's your greatest hope for your children?
Speaker 3: Did they live up to their potential? [00:35:30] I think a lot of times people say, oh, I want my kids to be happy. Of course, I want my kids to be happy, but my kids would be happy eating ice cream and playing Fortnite all day. And that's not what I want. I want them to live up to their potential and be happy.
Speaker 2: What is the role of a father
Speaker 3: Unconditionally there to listen, to support, to encourage, to love, to provide opportunities. I was just asked at a meeting recently, [00:36:00] you know, if you could get lead your kids, either a lot of money or a lot of life experiences, what would you want to leave them with? And of course, I want to leave them with life experiences. So they, part of the job of a dad is to, is to open up the opportunity for your kids to experience as much as they can. And I'm not talking about traveling all over the world. I'm not talking about things that cost money. I'm talking about experiences with you as a dad and experiences that they can have as individuals [00:36:30] that you, that you can provide.
Speaker 2: So what's a milestone that you really looking forward to for one or any of your kids.
Speaker 3: You know, I don't have milestones. I think I don't want to race ahead. Milestones are like, oh, I hope when they're eight Tatooine to be 18 yet. I can't love this moment. So I don't jump ahead like that I'm super present. And like next year I said to my wife, the other day, we just went skiing and you know, my kids are little guys are four. And [00:37:00] the last day scheme, they got good, you know, there's for a week, I was couldn't believe how much they learned. And then they progressed. And I said to my wife, I said, I just want you to know that the next time we ski 1, 2, 3, 4 is done. It'll be five and five looks a lot bigger by, by not be as cute as little. Four-year-old like, it's a different thing. And then, and then, then, then the time after that, they're six. Now they're like much bigger. So I don't want to jump ahead to like, oh, I can't wait [00:37:30] till they can ski black diamonds. And that's a great milestone. I love right now that they've got the little helmets on and they bundled up and they're falling. I got to pick them up. That's where I am right now. And that's good enough for me.
Speaker 2: How about looking back? Any milestones that like are right, right up front in the memory bank of like this experience with my kid.
Speaker 3: Oh, I mean, I have a mate, I have so many amazing moments. I mean, I tried, I worked really hard to create those moments, but I mean like last [00:38:00] year. Yeah. I've a ton of them, a ton of them.
Speaker 2: All right. So if you were writing a book about being a parent, what would be the name of some of the chapters
Speaker 3: Help, help? I need a lifeline. Can I please sleep till nine? Do it yourself would be a chapter. Do it yourself. The thing like my kids asked me, can I go get them water? And I'm like, no, go get [00:38:30] your water. You don't need me to get you water. Do it yourself would be a chapter. Probably let the ball hit him in the face would be a chat there. Get outside would be a chapter. Lift. Your potential would be a chapter. Never lie would be a chat there.
Speaker 2: Great. One love it. I know you said you don't watch much TV, but no doubt. You have some memories of who's one of your favorite [00:39:00] television dads.
Speaker 3: Well maybe Mr. Cunningham from happy days is in debt. Who else has a great dad? Was Mr. Brady a good dad? I don't know. Huh? When I was watching TV, I wa I was watching shows like that. I was watching like, you know, Batman Knicks games. I wasn't focused on the family dynamic to get away [00:39:30] from it.
Speaker 2: This is one of my favorite questions that Tim Ferriss asks his guests. He calls it the billboard question. If you're on 95 or what is, what goes through Atlanta 85 or a, and you've got a billboard and all the dads are going by 90 miles an hour and they get the glance up at your sign. Your one piece of advice that you could fit on it to all dads. What might you put on that billboard
Speaker 3: Show up?
Speaker 2: Love that. Love that. So this will be my last question. Second, [00:40:00] last question. Forgive me. Uh, what kind of dad would you like to be remembered as
Speaker 3: Some I'm like someone that was always there. I want to, you know, that always there at, at events, always there when my kids needed something, someone that just cared. Yeah. I don't, you know, like I, it's not, I don't think about that. Like what I want to be remembered as, because the reality is one day I won't be here. I just tried to be here. And then [00:40:30] however, I'm remembered, I'm remembered, but I have a pretty good idea of how my kids feel about me now. You know, if something were to happen to me, knock on wood, you know, tomorrow and I look back, I would be like, I wouldn't have any regrets about how I was with my kids. I have a pretty good sense of what my priorities are. My priorities are,
Speaker 2: Uh, I'll call this one. My last question, you've got a lot of audio recordings and video recordings of you. And in the event, this one survives [00:41:00] for generations that your kids, kids, kids, kids get to hear a message from you. And I know it's on the spot, but just off the top of your head, what kind of message might you deliver to your great, great, great, great grandchildren.
Speaker 3: Oh, Tyler man. You heard listen, I didn't come on here to get emotional. You know, since I've had kids, I cry at everything. Every like every news story, this heart, every thing, it's a good question, [00:41:30] but what are some of the other answers that you've got?
Speaker 2: Well, they range anything from like, just kind of very practical advice to just say, expressions of love, little tidbits here and there. Things I ha you know, what worked for them. Some of them were very family oriented.
Speaker 3: I hope I live my life in a way that hope I get enough time here, but I hope I live my life in a way that I wouldn't have to leave a message that it would just be passed on of, [00:42:00] you know, kind of how I made everybody feel and how I, and how I treated my family and that kind of thing. I don't, I don't think I would necessarily, you know, give, give advice. I think I just, uh, I believe way more in feelings as it relates to family, my sons, aren't gonna remember, don't remember three or four expressions. Don't remember a lot of the experiences, but [00:42:30] obviously they'll remember how I made him feel. You've heard that before, but you felt that's the goal.
Speaker 2: Awesome. Awesome. Well, uh, before I go, I want to give a quick shout out to Alex and Matt who are so helpful. You got really good people surrounding you, and thank you so much for your time. It's amazing to talk to you and get to listen to you. Talk about your family. I'll let you tell everybody where to find you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for having me. I appreciate it. I know we've been trying to do this for a little while and, uh, I got [00:43:00] kids, so I'm glad we were able to connect. Yeah, I'm on Instagram at Jesse gets one of my websites, Jesse itzler.com. And, um, I just appreciate being able to spend the time this morning and chat about our families and one dad to another.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Let's start some shine at mom to where can they find your wife
Speaker 3: At Sarah Blakely or at Spanx on Instagram, but at Sara Blakely, S a R a bleakly bla K E L Y.
Speaker 2: Love. Thanks so much.