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Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross 022 - Curtiss Weinstein

Speaker 2: Welcome to learning [00:00:30] to dad. This is Tyler Ross. My guest today is Curtis Weinstein. Good to see your brother. Thanks for being here.

Speaker 3: Good to see you, man. Happy to be here. Thanks for having me on.

Speaker 2: Absolutely. I know that you got, uh, two boys that are, uh, you know, like high school, college age and,

Speaker 3: Well, I got one graduating, uh, this Saturday man, and, uh, I got his gown hanging in my closet and I'm just, I'm absolutely blown away. To be honest with you that, that I'm here already. I can't even my wife and I were like, really, I got a 13 [00:01:00] year old, who's going into eighth grade. So he's going to have four years by himself here at home. And my son's going to be going to the university of Tampa, real excited about, about his progression. And, but it wasn't an easy path. I can promise you that.

Speaker 2: I believe that. And then I'm glad that he's going to be at least close enough to home. Cause you're in Orlando now, right?

Speaker 3: Yeah. I am in Orlando and he, yeah, he needs to be close to home because, uh, oh, does it four years? Three and a half years ago. I believe he was diagnosed [00:01:30] with type one diabetes and probably the most challenging part of, of our parenthood is, uh, since, since his dad diagnosed diag my saying that right since he was diagnosed and my, my wife was diagnosed a year prior to that. So it's, it's been, it's been a weird, uh, it doesn't usually happen this late in life. The wife was, uh, in her early forties when she got diagnosed. And um, and my son a year later at the age of 14 got diagnosed. So it's [00:02:00] been a, it's been a definitely a shift it's I would say it's probably dominated our family for the last three years. It's been the, probably the hardest thing I've ever faced in my entire life. And I've run big businesses and had successful things happen in my life. And I've had failures and, and this has probably been the most challenging thing I've ever went through.

Speaker 2: Yeah. I usually like to start out with little personal history and business history, but I'd like to jump right into the, the diagnoses late in life, because I don't really even know anything about diabetes. You usually [00:02:30] picture, you know, people that are overweight and unhealthy, but you guys are, you know, take care of yourselves and exercise. Your wife is fit.

Speaker 3: Type two is a, is, is, is where you do it to yourself, basically through diet and you don't manage, you don't manage your health correctly. And so for they're diagnosed with type one, which means, you know, something genetic where their, their pancreas just doesn't, it doesn't work anymore. So it doesn't produce the insulin it's supposed to produce. So, you know, just the whole learning curve [00:03:00] of understanding, you're new to you. I mean, picture this to me, I've never understood diabetes at all. So even when my wife called me to tell me she had it, it didn't even register the complexity I was faced with. You know, she's been in the intensive care unit a couple of times and twos and with keto acidosis when she's learning how to do it, and she's now on a pump. And when you've got a teenager though, who's 14 years old who eats whatever he wants.

Speaker 3: Pizza does all the things. And the problem with diabetes is it's a carb issue, right? [00:03:30] So carbs turn to sugar when it gets into your body. And so if you don't count your carbs properly, and then, then I've learned there's fast carbs, there's slow carbs. There's, there's so many different things that contribute to their health, that it's just, it's just mind boggling. And then if they get sick, their immune system affects it and their sugar can go high and you can wake up in the middle of the night and your sugar goes low. And so there's there's technology though that helps them, you know, just Dexcom meter that I, you know, we can look on our phone to see what his sugar levels are and Hershey. [00:04:00] The problem is his phone has to be charged all the time. You know, teenagers, aren't always responsible. And so it's nerve wracking.

Speaker 3: Like you just couldn't even imagine. So it's nothing to do with being helpful. It just has to do with, they just got a broken pancreas, really is what it comes down to. But with technology, we're super blessed that they're coming out with stuff now, that's it, it's almost like an, you know, like an artificial pancreas that it's getting to the point where you, you don't even need to check your sh you know, it just kinda, it gives insulin when [00:04:30] it needs to, it slows it down when it doesn't, it balances it. So we're just not to that. We're my wife wears a pump. We're just not that to that point with my son yet. He he's, he hasn't, he hasn't really embraced it as, as, as, as it's really part of his life for the rest of his life. I mean, there's no cure for it when you can. The good news is you can live a perfectly healthy life if you manage it properly.

Speaker 2: So I remember you were up here. I think actually with my dad when you got a phone call. So as what's, yeah, what's the Intel. [00:05:00] Tell me about that story and what the danger is for when you're not regulating your sugar.

Speaker 3: So, so, you know, my wife got super skinny and you you're like, okay, that's cool. You know, as a husband, you're like, Hey, I'm digging it. Right? Like she's always been, but I'm like, then it got to the point where she was super skinny. I'm like, something's not right here. Cause I've never seen you like this. And, and so she went a while without really knowing she had it. And then when Nicholas went to his routine appointment, my wife says, you know, the doctor said, you know, for dads, [00:05:30] man, just to think, uh, you know, dads are listening to this, you know, don't, you know, when you see something's different, don't just brush it off. And I think that's the, really the, the thing that, that I've learned. And you would've thought I learned my lesson because I have not to regress. But back in, um, about 18 years ago, 17 and a half years ago, my wife had a stroke and you're like, yeah, in her thirties.

Speaker 3: And you're like, okay. So, but there were signs of it. And we just didn't think, you know, you [00:06:00] just think it's, you don't, you don't think that, right. But when you look back, you're like, oh my God, all the signs were there, but you never think it. So I think the advice is make sure you pay attention to your body, make sure you pay attention to your kids and the changes that are happening. If they seem weird, you should question them. And so my wife had enough, you know, smarts or mother intuition to tell the doctor, can you just check his sugar? Because he had grown, but re but went down in weight. And so it's a big weight issue [00:06:30] and it makes you real thirsty. And this is when, before you get control of everything and his sugar was so high that they said, either you drive immediately to the dock, to the hospital, or I'm calling an ambulance.

Speaker 3: Cause it was at high where he could have went into ketoacidosis. And so I was with your dad. And when my wife called me, as a matter of fact, we were at RTJ and I'll never forget it was, it was, my wife was beside herself because she had already gone through it. Right. So she was really a year into it and she knows how difficult it is. So I think her fear and [00:07:00] discipline her fear and upset nature was about a, it's going to make it even harder on her, but B she knows what he's going to have to go through now. And she doesn't know nobody wants your kid to go through anything. And what is ketoacidosis else when your sugar gets so high? I don't know the exact details. And I do a little bit of a disservice to the, to the disease, but just a rough idea.

Speaker 3: It's like where your BA I guess when you, when you, your sugar gets too high, it's almost like your body produces more carbon monoxide or something similar [00:07:30] to that. And literally your organs start to, can start to shut down. You like it you'll die. I mean, you literally could die from it. And so, um, it makes your heart function differently. You remember it, it affects your muscles in the biggest muscle in your body is your heart. So if you don't keep your sugars balanced, that's, that's the muscle that you're going to hurt the most. That's hard to rebound from. So now when your sugar goes low, it's a different thing. You can, you pass out and then you can just, I hate to say it would just die [00:08:00] in your sleep. I mean, there was a, there was a story just, just this year where a fifth grade girl would stay at or a burst sleep over just, uh, I mean, how many sleepovers we've been in our life, right.

Speaker 3: As a kid over. And, uh, the parents did everything, right. They, they gave the other parents, all the instructions, the insulin, everything. Right. And, um, they did everything. They were supposed to do the hosting parents. And, but the, you know, the kid was likely not doing what they were supposed to do. And kids went to bed and [00:08:30] in fifth grade and the sugar dropped and nobody noticed, and kid passed away. So, you know, so you hear stories like that. It's, it's frightening. And it's, it makes your heart just twist. And you're you just go, God, I hope that's never my son or my kid, you know, but it it's, it can happen. It's it's horrific. So, and the problem is when you've got a 14, 15 year old Tyler, they don't, they don't trust. They don't you yet. They don't realize the magnitude of it.

Speaker 3: They think they're Superman and it's our job. Not to necessarily [00:09:00] be their friend, but to be their protector, you know? And, and, and you, you keep saying it and that you repeat what the doctors say. And they're like, I feel fine. I'm not, I don't need to do this. I don't need to do that. Especially when they become teenagers, they'll, they'll eat stuff without telling you they're eating it. Yeah. Our doctor, his doctor give him a hard time recently because the sugar has been high. So it's just so hard to manage. But ketoacidosis is probably the worst thing that could happen really. Cause you end up in the ICU and she [00:09:30] was in the intensive care unit twice for a couple of days, each time. So that's unbelievable. He hasn't, he, it hasn't happened to him yet. And, but what's funny. Well, not funny, but what's, you know, he'll say things like, well, I haven't been in the hospital yet. That's why you giving me a hard time about my sugar, but he's really a kid kind of mindset. So I'll tell you it's not easy, man. That's probably been, I'm telling you it's by far the hottest subject in our home on a daily basis,

Speaker 2: How do you, I mean, how [00:10:00] do you manage that? I guess 15 year old. I want to call it ego or sense of pride or lack of experience. Like, what are the things that you feel like you can do to paint a real reality picture?

Speaker 3: He's going to be 18 in a, in two weeks. And, um, you know, I, I don't know. Oh, I, I tried to be a father who cared and I found myself being a father who was angry all the time, because I couldn't get him to understand [00:10:30] the importance of it, you know? And when you feel like you're out of control, you don't have control or something. And you feel like a child is being, I would say unintentionally defiant. Right? I don't think he's waking up going. I want to make sure my sugar is not balanced. I want to off my parents. I want to do all these things. Just upset them. I don't think that's the case. I just think he's a young man who at 18, you're not, I don't think you're an adult yet. I mean, I don't think you're an adult until you're in your mid twenties, to be honest with you.

Speaker 3: I mean, you still got so much. [00:11:00] There's no way, right? I mean, you know, I found myself getting angry all the time, to be honest with you. And because I felt to me, I'm so stressed. You know, I was in the military for seven years. I've been running a business for over 20 years. To me, everything comes crystal clear. Like I am, oh, I don't, I'm not, I don't ever look at things as obstacles. I just, I am always focused on solution. It doesn't, it just doesn't matter to me. Like some people look at, you know, they're trying to get to the other side of the river [00:11:30] and they see all they see is the deep canyon in the water below. And I see the trails left to right. You know what I mean? So that's how I've always been. And I think that's survival mode.

Speaker 3: I, you know, personally, I grew up, uh, the youngest of four boys in government housing in Connecticut, a single mom. And so I didn't, you know, what's funny about me being on this podcast is I didn't grow up with a debt. So it's interesting that, that I'm here given father advice, because you, you know, it's like Mike Tyson said, [00:12:00] man, you can, you can have a game plan. Right? What did he, they said, they said to Mike, they said, Mike, do you have a game plan? And he said, he said, and this is my bad impersonation. He said, he said, you have a game plan. But as soon as you get punched in the mouth, that game plan is thrown out the window.

Speaker 3: You can read as many books as you want, and you can study as much as you want. But I've found that where, where I learned to be a dad is hanging out with guys that are just, I've always been, uh, friends with [00:12:30] people that are older than me. For example, Mike Stonehill, I could, my best friends in the history have always been much older than me. Cause I've always picked people as mentors that, that are father figures that are responsible, that are, and I think that's helped me grow. And the fact that I went in the military for seven years helped help quite a bit. But man, I'll tell you what Tyler being a dad is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Every day I leave the house going, did I do the right thing that I, you know, should I have said [00:13:00] that, that it's hard, man.

Speaker 3: There's no perfect. I think, I think the best thing you can tell dads out there is it's okay to make mistakes. Like we're all trying to figure this out. There's no, there's no manual for this. Right? There's no manual to control emotion. I think it's wild. Yeah. The thing that people would tell you how to raise your kid, let them know their own kid in a particular way. All these relationship experts, the guy from, uh, what does it matter from Mars [00:13:30] and Venus or whatever he got divorced. So like just maybe not like these people are experts on things. It doesn't mean they're good at it. Sure.

Speaker 3: Really, really hard. And you know, I don't want my kids to look back and go, my dad was tough or my dad was this. I want, I want them to look back and go. My dad, you know, my dad, my dad cared about me. And, and I think sometimes, you know, guess what, [00:14:00] I, as a dad, I just want you to know that our feelings do get hurt. Like my feelings get hurt. I'm not this robot, you know? So like when you do a lot of nice things for your kids and you don't get reciprocation back in the form of respect or acknowledgement of the stuff that sacrifices you make as a parent, I think it does weigh on you after awhile. You know? And, and, and I think sometimes I get resentful almost like, do you not see what I do for you? And you, you can't do these simple things to make our, [00:14:30] our house happier.

Speaker 3: And I think, you know, you try to look and go, okay, it's not, I don't think they're doing it intentionally, but you know, I didn't have a great example of a father. So, you know, I only had my mom worked 80 hours a week and when she got home, she was so tired that all she did was yell at us. And, and I mean, she was a good mom. Don't get me wrong. I love her to pieces. She's, she's an amazing person. And I look back at what she had to do. I shoot, I look at my life now, I'm, you know, I'm successful. You know, my [00:15:00] business is successful financially successful. I've been married for 22 years. So I'm relationship successful. I have two kids who are healthy to the most for the most part, you know, without diabetes. But I mean, they're, they're, they're going to graduate high school.

Speaker 3: They're going to go to college. And so, I mean, I all, I've, I've beat the odds. You know, if you look at where I came from and my mom, you know, I told my mom that all the time, you know, I wouldn't change it for the world, uh, what, what I went through, but I wouldn't want my kids to go through what I went through and that, you know, that your, your law, [00:15:30] um, it's, what's his, I'm so sorry, Jesse. Itzler I loved listening to him because I've used this no less than 50 times, which is he used an analogy that his dad used to let them get hit in the face all the time with the ball, right? The ball is anything in life. And I feel like I am like a professional catcher, you know, you know, there's times where I want to induce pain. I'm like, [00:16:00] I've never thought you could love something so much, but want to take his life away at the same exact

Speaker 3: Pain. I want it to be really quick, but now I'm just kidding. Sandra. You're like, I can't believe you're my son. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you acting like this? You know, but you also have to remember, he's not just your son. He's, he's a, he's a human, he's a man with emotions. He's, he's, he's learned to be somebody he's gotta be independent at some time. You know, [00:16:30] you know, at some point in the wild, they, you know, there's no, they don't meet for dinner. You know, they separate and go start their own pride, right? The lion they leave, right. There's not room for another male lion. And so eventually even as a kid, you're kicked out of the house and thank God we have emotion and feelings and empathy and compassion as humans. But, you know, he still is trying to figure out how to be a man.

Speaker 3: He's going to challenge you. They're going to do things that you know, so, and I look back and the reality [00:17:00] is his worst moments. Aren't even like on the radar compared to my worst moment. So I have that to, to have that to, uh, really rest on. But I think we're in a different day and age, we didn't have social media. When I was a kid, we didn't have all this technology when I was a kid. And I think my biggest frustration as a father is my, I think my kids are literally addicted to their phones costing to me now, not to get off point, but that, that is just being a father, managing [00:17:30] that in itself is a hard thing. It tracks it doing homework, whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 2: The things that I like to talk about is a different context. You know, the w the, the time in which you grew up is different than me is different than your kid. And would you say that's kind of the biggest difference your growing up, like with the biggest empire?

Speaker 3: Well, well, I mean, Tyler, I grew up the youngest of four boys and government houses. We didn't have, I can remember not having electricity and not having [00:18:00] heat because you need an oil in Connecticut, not having a whale, sleeping with my winter clothes on using socks as gloves. In the winter time, I would go door to door, shoveling snow, raking leaves, mowing lawns. When I was nine years old, I had a paper route when I was nine. Hartford would get up at five in the morning, rain, sleet, or snow rain, sleet, or shine. I'm delivering newspapers. I have trouble getting my kids to pick their clothes up off the floor. I mean, it's weird. It just in a different era, man, I had to, literally, I was, I didn't do it cause I wanted to, I did it because we [00:18:30] had to, and we would give the money to our mom to help pay. And I'm not telling you, I didn't skim a little off the top. You know, the under one light, you don't grow up in the bourbon housing and the projects and not learn a few survival skills. So, but, but for the most part, I was forced into that. And I wouldn't change it for the world because it allowed me to learn how to go. You know, my whole career started knocking doors, selling home security systems.

Speaker 2: If somebody had recorded that that would have been one of these viral videos where people go, holy, people sell that like [00:19:00] that effectively, that well, I've seen you pretend to sell and I wanted to buy whatever you had. I didn't care.

Speaker 3: Well, it's definitely, but I will tell you, I learned that through survival. It wasn't, I didn't, there was no manual. So someone says like, do you have a book? Write a book. And I'm like, and I thought about it. And it's hard for me to sit down. I would have to hire somebody to just listen to me because when I read books that about sales or things that or anything, it just, to me, it's like, [00:19:30] why are you like, you're really people are buying this. This seems like common sense to me. But common sense is not so common. That's the thing you have to understand. But you know, getting back to the, to the kids, they, you know, I grew up so much different now. They're, they're growing up with this. The conversation I have all the time is my biggest fear is my kids don't know what the real word world adversity really is. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? First, they got to come home early varsity to them is do the dishes, [00:20:00] adversity that was take the dog out, clean up the dog crap out of the yard. That's adversity. I mean, adversity to me was, am I going to eat tonight? Am I sleeping with a winter jacket on and moon boots? Because I'm freezing in my own house. So do you have

Speaker 2: Contrive adversity so that the kids grow up to be resilient?

Speaker 3: You know, the problem is, you know, you in a marriage, you have two people, you have a mom and you have a dad. And mom is very compassionate. And dad is probably, [00:20:30] I'm a hard, I'm a hard man. I mean, in a sense of, I expect excellence. My son got a 3.8 GPA. He should add a 4.4 he's that smart, never did homework. You know? And here I went to a post school, barely graduated. His high school cost 22 grand a year. You know what I'm saying? What is the adversity? I mean, like when I didn't do my homework, I got an F when he didn't do his homework, I got nine [00:21:00] emails at home giving us more than 27 chances for him to catch up. So you wouldn't get a good grade in a totally different environment than we were growing up. And I think that the biggest issue is I honestly think social media and the internet and these false narratives that float around and everybody thinks everybody's successful.

Speaker 3: And everybody thinks everybody's got all this great things happening. And what they don't realize is how hard it is to get there. [00:21:30] You know, my son never says to me, or anybody even P anybody who wants to do what I do or have the success I've had, which is nothing compared to a lot of people out there. I mean, I'm blessed. Don't get me wrong, happy with my life. But you get guys like Sr or who is, you know, I mean, just, geez, I've completely different planet, right? And I'm not complaining cause I'm totally blessed with, with what I have, but they don't realize nobody asks how, what you had to do to get there. They just, I want that. And they come [00:22:00] to work for you and they expect to, to be an executive day one. And I'm like, look, I, I, I was knocking doors for 10 years. So now new owners, I have a dealer program, my business and the new owners come in and they, they think they can do what I do. And I'm like, no, you're, you're missing the first 20 years of my career. You're not paying attention to that.

Speaker 3: I am enjoying the result of all these years of work. You want the result without the effort and nothing. It doesn't work that way. [00:22:30] One of my favorite lines is I worked 15 years to become an overnight success applied by the way. And I'll steal that line from you because you're, it's, you're a hundred percent, right. People just see the success. Like they don't realize how hard life was, you know? And, and I'm not, I'm not like it's not a pity party for me. I'm not asking for anybody to feel sorry for me. I wouldn't change the way I grew up at all. Why, why why'd you grow up without a dad? My dad left when I was, [00:23:00] I know two under two years old. I don't ever remember him being at home. My parents just got divorced and I was the youngest. And, uh, he just wasn't involved in my life.

Speaker 3: My older brothers had had time with him. Uh, he tried later in life to get involved and you know, it's a weird thing. I'm, I'm wired a little bit differently. I think I, you know, growing up the way I did, I, I learned to be a survivor. So I'm very resilient in a sense that I don't allow [00:23:30] toxicity into my life. Something's toxic. I cut it out of my life. And so prime example is my wife was always concerned that it's very easy for me to cut people out of my life if I don't feel like they bring value. And so I'm very positive person. And, um, it's not that I don't, I don't like negative people it's that I won't entertain the fellowship of it. Right. And I said to my dad, I said, look, I love you for life. And you don't like you, like, [00:24:00] I'm not happy with you for the decisions you made.

Speaker 3: And then I tried, I tried to bring it back in my life and it just didn't work right too late. And, and he, he, uh, he has a lot of personal thing issues. And so I don't, I don't want to pick on him because, you know, I'm sure he had issues growing up too, but I've just decided that if something doesn't bring me joy or value, I look like this, that the word I use is there's people in life who are energy inducers and there's people that are energy reducers. Right. [00:24:30] And he was an energy thief. Yeah. You can just steal my energy with negativity all the time. And so for me, I don't ever want to be that person. Right. I want to be, I want to be a great dad. Um, I don't know if I'm a great dad. You'd probably have to ask my kids. You know what I mean? I mean, I really don't know why we're

Speaker 2: Here trying to figure out what that is, what that looks like.

Speaker 3: I don't know what the debt is it a roof over the head? Probably not. You know, is it money in the bank note? Is it, I mean, I think it's time spent and, uh, like my, my wife was [00:25:00] worried that, you know, my son would me off to the point where I would cut him out and in that would never happen. You know, he's my, he's my boy. You know, I love him and you know, I'm going to love them unconditionally, but I don't always have to like them.

Speaker 2: Sure. That makes perfect sense to me. I get that. Well, let me, let me ask you, um, where you with your company successful prior to having kids, or was it after you have kids, I'm wondering where you were in your professional life?

Speaker 3: I was successful prior. I got out of the air force in 1997. [00:25:30] It was an interesting, I, I, I met my wife in October of 96, married her March of 1997. Nobody thought we would survive. We want to get to the married for 22 years now, got out of the air force in November of 97, moved to Florida in November 97, had another wedding in November of 97 because we eloped in March of 97. Didn't tell any family wedding in November 97. So now my wife's been milking me for two anniversaries,

Speaker 3: [00:26:00] Scammed it, totally getting milk in it too. So I've been, been asking for, for, for that to be, uh, an old, the first one. So, uh, so we got that going on and, and then, uh, and then moving. So I did three, look it up three of the most stressful things you can do is change jobs, move and get married. I did all three of them at the same time. And so [00:26:30] we, we, um, I mean, if you really want to get deep into, into what, what it was like, we actually built a business. It was pretty successful. I mean, you know, not where I am now, but still very successful compared to what security business. Yeah, yeah. Yep, yep. Yep. Well, actually my first business was the Kirby business selling vacuum cleaners door to door vacuums for, for a couple years. Um, and I was, uh, I was, I always focused on the alarm side of things, but, you know, I guess I [00:27:00] wouldn't do any justice without at least talking about that.

Speaker 3: I, I started selling door to door vacuum when I got out of the military and I was really good at it. And I was the fastest promoted factory distributor in the history of the company. I went from sales rep to factory distributor 13 months. Yeah. It meant I made a lot of money doing it, but I hated my job. Absolutely despise what I did. I would leave the house at seven in the morning, go to the gym, run a meeting at 11 leave to go to the field. I'd get home at midnight, one o'clock in the morning everyday. So I almost destroyed my marriage over it, but what I built, I built [00:27:30] a good business. And, but, but here's something I would share with you that there is no success, no success outside the home that will ever make up for failures inside you. I want that to resonate a little bit right outside the home that will ever make up for failures inside your home. But so, so the success for me, I think came while at, at the beginning, I always knew I was going to be successful. I just, I didn't know at what level I just knew [00:28:00] I was always going to go out and make my, my own difference. And I, even, when I was in the military, I had part-time jobs. He used to tell me I was Jamaican. They said, look, if they go, what are you look for jobs in the obituary, man, there's gotta be an opening.

Speaker 3: I met my wife at a pool hall. I was a bartender at fast Eddie's billiards in Alexandria. Virginia was a dormant back when I was in the military, my job was carrying caskets. I weighed over 200 pounds. I was lifting weights every day and never played golf. I wasn't golfing then. [00:28:30] And, uh, she was a bartender going to school and that's how we met. And so it's just, it's weird how, how life evolves, man. But, but the success in business was there. And then we, we locked, we ended up, my wife got pregnant with our daughter and unfortunately we lost that baby at seven months. Wow. Then we ended up getting pregnant again and eight and a half months pregnant. And she, my wife had a terrible situation where her placenta abrupted and we lost the second daughter. And so that was, it was pretty awful.

Speaker 3: We [00:29:00] didn't think we were ever going to have kids, you know, and that was late, late pregnancy. And we had Nicholas. So he was a gift from God. And then six months later, she had a stroke. We found out all the reasons they were all the same reasons why she had the complications with the, with the, with the pregnancies as she did with her stroke. And so they at least figured out what was wrong. And so they got that part. And then we, we weren't even, we weren't going to try again because of how hard it was and she got pregnant again. And it was, [00:29:30] I don't want to say by accident, but it was, we weren't trying to have another kid and we were trying to be careful, you know? So, uh, Michael Phelps got in there somehow, so,

Speaker 2: Well, let me, the, those two experiences are, are horrible. And there are other people that have had those experiences or might have those, like, is there anything you can say to those people on how to help manage that, you know, working together on your own,

Speaker 3: You know, [00:30:00] to be raw and authentic. I don't know if my advice works for everybody because my wife is still dealing with it to this day. There's a thing in business or in life. It's, you know, you have an IQ, I would just your intelligent quotient. Then you have an IQ which is adversity quotient. And I realized that I have a very high adversity quotient. And that for me, not a big mortar on death because I kind of feel like it is what it is. There's nothing you can do about [00:30:30] it. You can't change it. Right. Not saying I don't mourn. I'm not sad. I just remember I told you, I looked for the trail to get to the other side, focused on avoiding the pain by thinking about what I can do moving forward. Yeah. So for me, my wife and I are polar opposites when it comes to that, she is, um, she sees every problem with every [00:31:00] attempt on everything. I never see a problem. I see the solution and that's why I'm successful in business, but it's really hard being a dad and a husband, because she'll say something and I'll be like, well, that's easy to fix. And she's like, I don't want you to fix that. You listen to me. And you're like, well, okay, well, but, but aren't you upset because it's not fixed? No. Okay. Um, now I'm really confused

Speaker 2: After I th I feel like that's a pretty common theme among men and women [00:31:30] in my experience. My wife's the same way.

Speaker 3: Oh, do you see the video? That was a, what viral would the, the guy is it's it shows a closeup, but just the back of their heads and they're talking and he's like, she's like, you just, you don't understand. You never listened to me. And then he looks up at it. I'll send it to you, Tyler. But he's like, you do have a nail sticking out of your forehead. She had literally had a nail. Jack's not about the nail. She goes, just listen. He goes, okay, I'll listen. She goes, you know, I've been having these headaches [00:32:00] when I roll over, it hurts. And my sweaters are snagging. Um, do you know if you remove the nail, it's not about the nail. You can picture

Speaker 2: Feels that way. Right. It can feel that way. I've learned, I'm learning. There's an author. There's a quote from the office where Michael Scott just has to say, yeah, that really sucks. And then it's fun. Like, she's happy. I'm sorry. That sucks. [00:32:30] And then I have to stop talking and everything's okay.

Speaker 3: I try that. But when I do that, you know, she says you're being condescending, but she knows it's not, I can't win. So I'm just like, I love her to pieces. So, uh, you know, we worked through it, but, um, I am, again, I'm, uh, I am truly a problems. I'm a solution oriented person. How's that

Speaker 2: The impact? Talk to me about sales a little bit, because you are, you probably are very natural, [00:33:00] but you've got honed skills over experience. Like, are there any, you know, if you were going to write a book, you have some ideas of what you'd put into it for people that are in sales,

Speaker 3: You know, it's interesting. Cause I, I thought the reason I never wrote a book because I thought it wouldn't be a good book because the stuff I have to say it to me, like I was telling you earlier, it just seems so common sense. Right? Like it, it kind of like I'm reading stuff, I'm reading people's books and I'm going like, okay, I guess I could have wrote a book because this is like, is this what people [00:33:30] are starving for? That's what I I'm thinking. Like, it's so common sense to me. Like, you know, in business, I don't overanalyze. If you make five, spend four, you made one, right? Like you've made five, spent six, you lost one. And I, I don't have a business degree and I've never not made money. You know what I mean? I've always had, now it took me about six years to realize that I wasn't, I was probably, you know, so for me, my lack of skills of actually being a business [00:34:00] minded person, I was business-minded meaning I was a hustler.

Speaker 3: I would hustle, hustle, hustle, and go make money. But if I had somebody on my board early on that understood P and L and economics and things of that nature and streamlining things, I wouldn't have had to sell so much to make the money I made. And every time something would seem hard, I would just go sell more. Right. You know, they say, there's a, there's a saying in business that prosperity hides a lot of sin. Right? And so in business, you have a lot of big companies. [00:34:30] If you get deep into the weeds, you'll find a lot of errors, but because they're selling a lot of stuff and they're making a lot of money, then it, it sort of gets whitewashed out. But when you're a small business, if you pay it, if you, if you have a bad week, you don't have the depth, deep pockets of wall street has to fill the coffer.

Speaker 3: Right? Like you hear all the time, these big public, a $1 billion loss in quarter three, and you're like billion dollars and they're still in business. Right? Like, so, you know what I mean? It's different, it's different numbers. And [00:35:00] so for me, I just took a very common sense approach. Now I will tell you, after 20 years, I've learned to surround myself with really smart people. And I would say this, if you're no you're spot on the bus and mine is sales motivation. And I actually, you know, I've got a really good compliment from my, our CFO is my business partner is a Harvard business grounded. And he, you know, he said, you know, he's you think you think about things correctly. Right? And so I was like, oh, okay. That's he goes, you do it very naturally. [00:35:30] You don't realize it. But he goes, you're, you're, you're regurgitating things I've learned in school.

Speaker 3: And you obviously never went to school. And I, well, I feel like 20 years of businesses and then knocking doors for so long. I mean, that's like a degree in communication. If you think about it, right. You're truly where else can you, you're meeting new people every day, all day, you're being rejected, nonstop. Right? You have to learn how to, you have to learn how to capture someone's attention in a split. Second, a deal is made or broken it that you don't [00:36:00] get them. You don't get them to, to, to, to break the ice like, like that. And I've always done it through humor. I was always really good at getting in houses just to share my story, to sell my product. And you know, people would go to the door robotic. Right. And they'd stick to the script and the script's important, but the delivery is probably more critical, right? Like a joke is only a good joke. If someone knows how to deliver it properly. Right. Your dad and I, I would give myself, put myself in that category was very good at delivering jokes. [00:36:30] But, but there's other people who could take that same joke and deliver it. They'd be like, oh, that was not that good.

Speaker 2: You got to know your audience too. You got to be,

Speaker 3: It's just the delivery. So in business, it's very similar, right? It's, it's, you know, there's a lot of people who are book knowledge that can't apply it to anything, the book knowledge, Tyler. But I have the experience, which I think is greater than the book knowledge. Cause remember, books are written from experience. Yeah. I just haven't written my book yet, but I have, [00:37:00] I have enough experience and knowledge to write a book, but I'm just not a scholar in a sense that I just don't think I'm to add. I couldn't picture myself sitting here. I really, I mean, I think if I'd sat, if I recorded a lot of stuff over time and then had someone transcribe it, then that would be my book. Yeah. Like I get in front of a thousand people to speak about certain things and I don't, I never go, I never have a plan. It's just tell me what you want me to talk about. Cause it's coming here. They were like, don't you have something prepared. [00:37:30] I do. It's right here. It's called experience. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like we're not, we didn't, we didn't prep for this call. Did we

Speaker 2: Point you in a direction, wind you up and go,

Speaker 3: I hope I'm giving you good information at least. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: Let's talk about sales a little bit. Like if you were selling now and selling 20 years ago, is your approach different? Because the time is different.

Speaker 3: Yeah, it definitely would. Because when [00:38:00] I started selling, we didn't have the technology. Yeah. So it was really like a scattered approach. Right. So we, we would, you know, if we're going door to door, we would just go into a neighborhood and just pound, pound, pound, pound, pound, there was no rhyme or reason to it. Now today you can really hone your skills more through, through data and technology. Right. So I can, I can know before I go the best neighborhoods to go to, like, I know what kind of credit I'm looking for, what kind of customers I'm looking for, what the household [00:38:30] median is. You get all their information.

Speaker 2: Are you still knocking on doors? You got not so

Speaker 3: Much anymore, but I have hundreds, hundreds of people who do, and they're still following the same script and philosophy I did 15 years ago. So selling hasn't changed, man. I mean, door to door has been around forever. My grandfather used to sell shoes, door to door. Don't have a catalog. So picture that, wow,

Speaker 2: Here are pictures. Pick one

Speaker 3: And be like, doesn't that picture look comfortable to you? You know

Speaker 2: What I mean?

Speaker 3: [00:39:00] Right. So it's like naps shoes, kn app. And uh, you know, he was a door to door tailor. And so I think, I think inadvertently, I was going to end up as a door to door or something. You know, people go, I've had people at the door, told me, go get a real job. And I would laugh as I walked to my Lexus. You know, what is a real job, man? I mean, I'm out here hustling. What's a real job is a real job. McDonald's I mean, what's a real job. I mean, what does that mean? I mean, anybody [00:39:30] who's out trying to, I commend anybody doing anything, man. You know, as long as you're making a difference and you try, I've always been a big believer in, um, you growing up where I did, it's just important to stay humble and not look down on people, you know?

Speaker 3: And even to this day, like my favorite people that I like, even at my country, I'm a member of a really nice club and it's funny Tyler. Cause I like, I don't belong with this class. I'm not this guy. Like I'm, you know, I'm successful, but I really [00:40:00] still think I'm still the guy from the hood, you know? And I mean, I'm more articulate than when I was a kid, but, but I still have that survival mentality. And my favorite people are the workers, the guys cutting grass. And I mean, I always ask people, do you ever just stop and say thank you to the garbage man. Like, cause you look, the problem is most people look down on the garbage man. I mean, without garbage man we'd have filthy streets. Like I feel like you got to thank the people, you know, that's bagging your groceries. I mean that are, you know, like [00:40:30] the people that it's unfortunate, not it's, we're not in an equal system, right? Like not everybody gets to experience the same level of success. We all, if you can't have a number one, unless you have a number of 10. Yeah. Same. It doesn't. If everything on your list is important, then nothing's important. Yeah.

Speaker 2: Well w what do you do to maintain that perspective? Do you have like a practice like journaling church?

Speaker 3: We do go to church and I am, I am a Christian. Uh, uh, [00:41:00] but I'm not a Puritan. Let me make that clear. You know, uh, I am saved and I do go to non-denominational Christian and, and, but that's my thing is I'm a member of a nonprofit organization called bro brothers reaching out. And it was started by Tony McGee. Who's a 14, 12 or 14 year veteran in the NFL and Joe Logan, who was a major league baseball player. And we got some other athletes involved as well. And we work, we work with the inner city kids down in Orlando, at the boys and girls [00:41:30] club. And it's staggering man, like heartbreaking that most of these kids they're after the kids, we sat in a room with take 20 kids. 10 of them, their dads are dead. Five of them, their dads are in prison.

Speaker 3: And the other five, they don't know who their dad is. And so in, in, in, in the lower income areas, it's, it's so prevalent for single moms to be raising kids. And it's, you know, I, I feel like I got lucky when I joined the military. [00:42:00] Well, I'd say some of it's locked. My other brothers are fairly 60 too, but not none of us went to college. I think my mom did a good job setting us up. So I got to give my mom props, but, you know, cause she taught us right from wrong. And you know, we didn't, we weren't like in trouble with the law. I had one brother that was, and unfortunately he passed away in prison in jail. I don't wanna say president, but he was in jail. And so a horrible accident. But, but the, the, [00:42:30] the thing, the thing is that you have, but that's another example, Tyler, where it's like, it is what it is.

Speaker 3: Right. But what, what do you do? You do all you can do about it. And I'm not a big, I don't believe in pity parties, man. So like when my kids are upset, I have compassion for them. But at the same time, dude, pull your, pull your pants up. Let's like enough. Like we got to move on. Like you we're, we're not gonna sit here and let these things control what you do next. Yeah. It is [00:43:00] what it is. And you, I don't believe in focusing on things you can not control. And I know it's easier said than done sometimes, but I think most people struggle in business and in parenting and in life because they let the emotions control them.

Speaker 2: Couldn't agree more. Yeah. One of my, one of my favorite sayings to anybody who I get the opportunity to tell it to is if you can't control it, don't worry about it. If you can control it, control it and don't worry about [00:43:30] it.

Speaker 3: Right? You still got to do something about it, but what does worrying do? It affects your immune system. It, I mean, it's, it's a horrific anxiety is such a terrible disease that you, that you live in. If, if you let these things get to you and you either you have a choice in business to either respond or react and believe me as a father, I think I've reacted too many times. Sure. When I wish I would have responded. And it just, I think, you know, when I think back as I'm talking to you, I [00:44:00] think every situation for me, the reason I would get so angry is because I felt disrespected. I think for me, it's I think, I don't think it's about my kids being perfect. I think it's about them showing respect for the situation they're in.

Speaker 2: Do you think that's unique in your particular circumstance or do you think at some age, all kids go to like the dark side of the moon and then eventually circled that?

Speaker 3: I, you know, listen, [00:44:30] I thought we were the only ones dealing with all this and I've become friends with a lot of dads now who were, you know, in the area and far worse issues that I'm dealing with. So I think it's teenager. I think, I think it's, I think he's just growing up. He's figuring life out, man. And I think what I've done, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to let him get hit in the face with the ball. Yeah. I told my wife, I said, we have got to let him figure this diabetes. [00:45:00] I said, I'm not saying we're not going to be here to bring them to the hospital, but we, we have to let go a little bit and let him realize that when he controls it himself, this is the result almost has to get to the, to the spot where, where he, he it's dramatic because otherwise you're never going to know what you're doing wrong, how it's affecting you. And so I, I told her, so we got a little get hit in the face with the Baltimore. You know,

Speaker 2: Some of the things that you think have created the best [00:45:30] growth for your kids, like, uh, being involved with volunteering or playing in sports leagues or, you know, school, like what do you think is built their character the most?

Speaker 3: I think them being part of a team, I also think, you know, while my wife and I are always perfect, we, we argue from time to time. But I think them seeing that when we do argue and get upset with each other, that we still go to bed together and we wake up together [00:46:00] and that we're still here. Yeah. You know, and I think being an example of a unit, not running from things, I mean, don't get me wrong. There's times where I'm sure my wife is wanting to leave and there's times I want, you know, it's just, that's, that's just human emotion. Right. But at the end of the day, we don't. And you know, I made a decision when I got married that I was the only, I'm the only one in my entire family has never been divorced. You know, that's like, and I don't want to be, I want to be that statistic. You [00:46:30] know, there's just no reason. Like it's, you know, just because you don't say the grass is not greener on the other side, it's greenest where you water it the most. Right? Yeah. I've never

Speaker 2: Heard that. I like

Speaker 3: That the greatest reward the most, but it's also green right. Above septic tanks.

Speaker 2: Ah that's that's good.

Speaker 3: Right. So just because things look good from the outside doesn't mean it always smells good on the inside. And so, you know, [00:47:00] we have, you know, we have issues. I mean, you know, everybody does, right. And a lot of it, unfortunately, most of it stems from health, my wife's health and my son's health, but also my tenacity to like, um, I'm such a doer that I act everybody else to be a doer. I just, I don't understand how, you know, you, you can walk by something and see that it's out of place and not pick it up. Or do you know? I, I'm not wired like that. My wife's like, why are you always doing stuff? Like, because [00:47:30] like that's because it's not supposed to be there. And like, do you agree? Yeah. Well, it's been there. I mean, you've seen it 20 times. I'm going to fix it when I was serving at church.

Speaker 3: It's kind of a funny story. When I was serving at church in Virginia, I was a, I was an usher and this guy that's been in charge. I always heard him kind of being hard on the other ushers, like, cause they're trying to have this perfect situation. And they, their church was at a high school and [00:48:00] I just it's, it's so funny. Cause I think it applies to our life and fatherhood and stuff. And he said, she said, your jobs, make sure the door doesn't slam. Right. So because they record the sermons and they put them on Facebook live and things like that. So, so some lady came up with a wheelchair or something. I had to help her. Well, why did that? Someone else opened the door when they came out and the door slam comes up to me and he goes, you know, I told you it's important for the doorknob.

Speaker 3: He didn't ask [00:48:30] me why. And so I left, I left church. I didn't say anything to him then. And I went to a baby supply store. It was Burlington, baby's Burlington coat factory. And I said, I looked and they had these foam wedges that you put on the door, so it doesn't slam. Right. So the kid's fingers don't get caught. I came back, I bought like 10 of these things, right. They're like five bucks a piece, whatever. So I bring it back. And I, and I, there was two services. So I was able to get back there before he left. And I pulled him to the side and I said, [00:49:00] um, a couple of things I want to share with you. The first thing is, uh, just as a man, not as a Christian, if you ever talk to me like that again, you'll get probably thrown through the wall.

Speaker 3: Okay. Cause I'm here serving in a Gobby fashion and you're not going to talk to me or try to embarrass me in front of other people. When you don't know the circumstances, I'm a grown man. You're a grown man. We're both volunteering. Don't ever talk to me like that. Again, the other side of the note I said to him, I said, here's your solution? I said, but what I want you to understand is you've been in charge here for over a year, [00:49:30] for a year. I've been sitting in here listening to that door slam. And so what you've been doing is coming here, telling everybody not to let the door slam. So now I'm giving you a tool. So the door never slams again. So instead of telling people not to let something happen, why don't you be a problem-solver and go find a solution to the problem.

Speaker 3: And so instead of putting buckets under leaks, right. Fix the dang leak. Yeah. And so, you know, he looked at me and just, just pathologized, like he like made sense to him. Right. He was like, so I [00:50:00] said, look, I'm not mad at you, but just, you have to understand you're you're getting upset about something you could have fixed a long time ago. So I asked people, I use that as a, as a point in one of my sales, in many of my sales meetings, are you the person who complains about the doors slamming or are you a person who stops the door from slamming? Right. So there's a solution to everything. And so, so, so next thing I know these things, those things I got because they were just made for houses, they started ripping. So he, he comes up to me, he goes, Hey, don't worry.

Speaker 3: I got duct tape. [00:50:30] I made these things are never going to fall apart again, look how good they work. And he was a different person. So it was like an educational moment for him. But I think it was a moment for everybody. Cause I was able to share this story to so many people, like, don't be the guy that complains about the door slam and be the guy that solves the problem. Right. And so it's, that's, that's just how I am wired. I don't know, man. I don't know if it's unique or rare. I don't know if it's because of the way I was brought up. I don't know, but I just don't know why other people don't think like that, but [00:51:00] yeah,

Speaker 2: It's, it is funny. I can relate to you on that level because I'll, I'll ask what I think is a simple question with a simple solution, but maybe people get lost in the trees and don't see the forest. And I know I do that on occasion have to get drawn out so I can get back to 40,000 feet and see the big picture. But what do you, what do you think drives people into those inability to see what's going on?

Speaker 3: Well, because I think they're so focused on, they're worried about the, [00:51:30] they're worried about the here and now and you know, it, that's why inefficiencies happen in companies because they're, they're only were like, I it's a prime example. I was just at my Richmond office and I used the bucket analogy is I went into my call center and one of the complaints we had from our dealers were that there was long hold time. Right? And so I went in to find out, I'm like sitting there for two days, listening to calls, watching what's going on and what I'm seeing calls come in that really shouldn't be coming in. [00:52:00] And I said, well, why are these technicians calling 200 times a day? I want to say, oh, well, because when they get scheduled and install in the system, they're not assigned to a certain office. So every technician has a perimeter they're supposed to work in and each perimeter as an office.

Speaker 3: Well, every now and then, well more, more than now. And then quite often they get assigned an installed just outside their perimeter. Well, they can't see the customer. So they have to call in and say, can you change the office location so I can see the information. So I can go to the customer's house. This would take [00:52:30] 10 minutes. That's a long time on the phone, in a call center. So I said, this is ridiculous. So then one of my, one of my install directors was there and he said, um, yeah, I remember when I was in, I am same thing. We, you know, I'd have to take these calls all the time and it's been happening for years and I'm sitting there going, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. So I picked up the phone, I called one of my it, my code writers guy works our database.

Speaker 3: And I said, this is just, doesn't make sense to me. And he goes, well, explain to me what's going on. And I explained to him and he goes, give me, give me 10 minutes, [00:53:00] calls me back. He, he wrote code that now every morning it queries the installs to make sure the offices are lined up. Like that was just another bucket. You know, they were, they were taking this leak, putting the bucket in my office to solve the problem when they needed someone to go on the roof and fix the leak. And, and so in business you have a lot of buckets, right? That those are the inefficiencies. You're still getting it done. Right. But you it's costing you more time and money and effort than necessary. [00:53:30] And so I I've gotten, I've gotten to a point where instead of working in my business, I work on my business.

Speaker 3: And so these are the things like I, I told my manager, I was there and I literally was, I was like, I love this stuff. I love doing this because it's like, you're fixing real problems. You're you're, you're, you're, you're not just, but, but like you said, you used the word 40,000 feet, right? So I'm at 60,000 feet. The problem is when you're in the trenches, in the call center, all you have time that if you stick your head up, you get shot in the head. [00:54:00] Yeah. My job to say, guys, I see an easier route, right? Like I understand you're taking shots all day and you can't come out of your foxhole cause you're scared to get killed. You're just trying to accomplish what you're trying to accomplish. My job is to say, look, I made it safe for you to come out of the box. It's safe. Now look what we accomplished. Right? And so that in business, working on your business is different than working in your business.

Speaker 2: Completely agree. I've been lost in my business last couple months and I'm excited to be working back on

Speaker 3: It again. Big [00:54:30] difference. Isn't it truly, it

Speaker 2: Feels different just the way you feel

Speaker 3: A hundred percent because you, you start solving problems, you see efficiencies. If you pay attention to the ecosystem in your organization, you start seeing opportunities that technology can solve, right? And you don't have to hire more people and you know, just different. It's just streamlining. And I've used technology to the highest level of my organization to, to legitimately systematically change the way we [00:55:00] do things. So I've been real lucky to have good people around us. I got lucky to hire some good people that just are really good at solving problem. I'm good at identifying the problem. And I rely on that smart people to fix them. Right.

Speaker 2: I'm with you, man. Well, there you talking about being a doer. I want to get into some of my short answer questions for you. So like being a doer as a father, what's on your not to do with

Speaker 3: As a father. Yeah. [00:55:30] I think, uh, I think my biggest, one of the biggest mistakes I make is, um, I say everything that's on my mind to my kids. And I think sometimes I probably should just keep my mouth shut.

Speaker 2: Is that because your mind changes or is it because like,

Speaker 3: I need to hear it. I see things as so raw and sometimes the kids are fragile. [00:56:00] Right. And you know, I don't know, but like I'm sure every dad can relate to this is, is hygiene. For example, with kids, it's like, come on, man. I'm like, you had the coolest comedian said it best. He's like, he's like Joe, Joe, I can you're you're I'm over here. And I, and why do I smell you first? You're like four inches from your arm pain. Right? Why aren't you smelling you? You know? And so like I have I'm, I'm [00:56:30] probably pretty hard on them about their hygiene because I expect, I don't know. I just like, we have nice showers. Why aren't you, you know, why aren't you using it? I don't, I just don't get it. So my wife gives me a hard time all the time because I, I, she goes, you really don't need to say everything that's on your mind.

Speaker 3: You know that, right? Yeah. I don't know if I, I don't know if I'd have the ability not to, this is so, so simple to me. So I think for me, I think if you, the don'ts are, if I were to change anything, I would have let my kids get hit [00:57:00] in the face a lot more with outside stuff. And maybe I would have hit them a little bit less on the inside. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think if you, if you're too critical, you become like th they don't feel like they could ever please you. And I think, you know, I think at times I worry that my son feels like he doesn't satisfy me. And the reality is he does like, I'm so proud of him, what he's accomplished with everything that he's faced with. But, but I don't know. I've I was told [00:57:30] that your job as a dad is not to be their best friend it's to be there, you know, for them to grow up first. Right. Healthy, safe. And I just want what's best for them, Tyler. And I don't know if I'm doing it right or wrong. Be honest with you, you know?

Speaker 2: Uh, what's the biggest hope that you would have for your kids. Like what's, what's the, what would make you feel

Speaker 3: Like you do what they want to do? I don't give a talking about how much money they make. I don't care about any of that because the result is at the [00:58:00] end of the day, if I continue to do what I'm doing, they're going to, there'll be fine financially down the road, you know, uh, one recommendation, I would say for people who have portfolios who have successes, one of the things I was taught long time ago in our, in my, in my estate is that my kids are going to get equal distribution of, of our wealth. But what they, at a certain age, they'll get their portion. When my wife and I leave this earth. But until they hit that age, they [00:58:30] can only draw out to match their salary. Interesting. So, you know, now, if one of them becomes a school teacher, he's going to feel like he's getting punished, but he's going to have a lot more money when he hits do you're following Zion, total bigger payout at the end. But so it's not to punish them. It's just to drive them to want to do more. So if one of them make 500 grand a year, he's going to deplete his money much quicker than the guy making 50 grand a year. But they're still going to get the same amount of money. Does that make sense? Totally doing

Speaker 2: How are your kids to [00:59:00] not make a decision based on what the salary is? You know, to be a teacher has gotta be incredible, incredibly fulfilling. Otherwise, no one would do it for 33.

Speaker 3: I mean, it's the most underpaid position. I just want them to be just be them. I don't give a. I really, if my son says, I want to be the singing garbage man, I want to be the well-known garbage man in the history of garbage man. I'm to be like, dude, if you love what you do, if you love picking up garbage and you bring peace and happiness to [00:59:30] everybody, you talk to at work and be a good garbage man. I really like that. It's not what they do. I just want whatever they do to do it with excellence. If they care, if they clean, if they're janitors, I mean, I swear to you just whatever you do, do it with excellence. And I think that's to go back. I think that's probably the most frustrating thing that I, you say sweep the garage, right?

Speaker 3: It's half-ass not excellent. The best compliment [01:00:00] I ever received when I was in the military was Weinstein. You I've never seen a bathroom that clean. I don't like cleaning bathrooms. Tyler, the commander told me to clean the bathroom. You can bet your. It's going to be the cleanest bathroom that's ever been cleaned because I'm not going to do it half. I'm going to get behind it. I'm going to get underneath it. It's going to be done. Right. So if you tell me to do something, I am only programmed to do it the right way

Speaker 2: Trained in you. Or do you think you were conditioned to be that way?

Speaker 3: [01:00:30] I just think condition because I had to do so much. I mean the first, this true story, when I was five years old, I built my own bike. It had, I try to picture it. It was a, was a 10 speed frame with dirt bike forks, tiny tire on the front banana banana seat. And it had monkey handlebars. There was no breaks and it was a free, you know, a 10 speed FreeWheel and all parts I found at the dump and a pair of vice grips. I was five [01:01:00] years old. I built my own bike and you know, so I grew up building bikes and scrounging from the dump. And then I became a freestyler. I ended up bikes were my passion. I rode quarter pipes. And then I went from bikes to fun fact. I was, uh, I was, I think if I stuck with it, I would've went pro as a skateboarder.

Speaker 3: I was sponsored as a skateboarder. I was, I was before I went in the military. I mean, I was all doing all this stuff and I just poured, you know, I would get up at four in the morning, go to a parking lot with lights [01:01:30] and practice skating. It was just my, whatever I want to be good at. I put passionate, like my house. I have a golf studio. Like I don't do, like, I don't want shoot pool anymore because I'm not good at it anymore. And it doesn't bring me joy. I only want to do things that I feel like I'm good at. And if I'm going to do it, I'm going all in. So

Speaker 2: You're not saying you're not doing new things. You just, if you're going to start something new, you're going to do it until you're good at

Speaker 3: I got it. A hundred percent. I want to play the guitar so bad. I want to learn how to play [01:02:00] the guitar so bad, but I know I don't have time right now and I'm going to do it. And I I've already said to myself, when in 2023, when I 2023, I'll probably semi retire and just work on the board. I kind of have a plan. And, but that's what I mean. I will go full fledged, learn to play the guitar. I guarantee I'll learn how to play it. I believe you. It's just, I mean, it's just, I have a goal. I will not die without learning how to play the guitar. They might not be great at it, but I'm going to try, [01:02:30] you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: Yeah. So if you, if you're writing a book about your life as a parent, what would be the name of some of the chapters?

Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a good question, man. Wow. Uh, being a dad, I can't afford chapter one was I can't believe I said that.

Speaker 3: I can't believe I said that y'all had a situation the other day where I told my son he was [01:03:00] upset and knew I was not that I said, dude, you're going to be 18 in two weeks. I said, here's the deal, man. You, uh, you get to do what you want when you're 18. I said, you can move out. I said, but you're just so you understand, you gotta drop off the stuff. That's not yours. The car, the phone. I'll give you a few pairs of shoes and a few outfits. But do you have credit to get your own apartment? Do you have like just, you know, and I was really just trying to make a point. And then he got in my face and he was like tears in his eyes. You really want me to, you [01:03:30] could have kicked me out when I'm 18.

Speaker 3: I'm like, I never said I was going to kick them out. You know, I never said that. What I'm saying is you're acting like you can do all this on your own. You're forgetting as a, as a parent. I think another chapter would be why, you know, something along the lines of why, can't why can't a teenager feel like he's part of the team, right? Teenagers want to be individual and I get it. But the teenagers, I think that become successful quickly and have a [01:04:00] lot of peace in their life is when they realize that the people at home are there to help them and not working against. I think my son feels like a lot of times we're working against him. Walls. I want is like excellence. I bought him a brand new Nissan Sentra, fully loaded leather, interior sport package. I mean, it's a Nissan Sentra. Right? I get it. Now he's upset that my wife, you know, we drive range rovers and our aides. And he said, people at school made fun of him for that car. And I was like, geez, you need some new friends, bro. Because I had a [01:04:30] 73 Pontiac Sunbird with duct tape on the sunroom. So it wouldn't leak. And don't like, don't like, are you kidding me? They're making funny. You have a brand new car. That's a dream card of some single moms buddy. You know?

Speaker 2: No, I totally agree. My first car was an 85 Volvo that my dad overpaid $3,500 for me. I still got the car. I didn't appreciate it at the time. But my dad gave me the car.

Speaker 3: Yeah. It's hard to appreciate it, man. And so I think what would another chapter be? It would be, um, [01:05:00] I don't know ways to get them to appreciate things. I, I, I don't know how you ever do that. I mean, it's like, it's funny because my son, I took him to the super bowl. We're Patriot fans. So we've had just total success, right? The son is, my son doesn't know the Patriots when they sucked, know the page, his whole life for the last 20 years, he's 18. They've been, it's been a dynasty for 20 years and they've been to [01:05:30] nine Superbowls in 20 years and have one six of them like the stats are. So I took him to the super bowl against the giants at Lucas oil stadium and we lost and he was crying the whole time. But he said it was his farm, this fault that they lost.

Speaker 3: Cause he went there and I'm like, he was a little and I'm like, dude, I'm like dude. And I, and I told people, I said, it was such a better lesson for him to see them lose. If he won, he would have went to school and bragged. And he was more upset because [01:06:00] he said there was a jets fan that was going to make fun of him at school. And the reason he was upset because he was being somewhat of a jerk, bragging about the Patriots. And I always told them, I said, don't brag, dude. Just wear the logo. Like, you know what I mean? Like there's a saying in golf, Tyler, that act act like you've been there before. Never ruined a good shot with your mouth. Meaning let's say the pin is tucked far left, right against the water. And you hit a bit, you're, you're aiming for the right side of the green.

Speaker 3: You hit a hook and it lands three foot from the pin [01:06:30] will only, you know, need to know that you weren't trying to do that. You know what I'm saying? You got to say, man, I finally pulled it. So I T I teach like guys that, that are trying to go pro. I mean, I, I'm not as good as them. I'm a pretty good golfer, but I'm not as good as them, but I am psychologically. I, I know how to kind of overcome adversity. I said, you gotta, I said, when you hit a bad shot, you need this, you know, but it works out instead of letting your opponent know that you hit a bad shot, you should, you should say, I finally pulled [01:07:00] it off and just walk away because it's very psychological. Cause if you, if you're not dead, once it starts getting upset, you have. Now I look at bad shots as an opportunity to hit a great shot. Wow. If it's in the middle of the fairway, it's so much better when you got to punch it from under a tree and you bump and run it up the four feet. I mean, that's pretty awesome, right? Like, you know, hitting it on the green from the fairway, we're expected to do that. Right. So, you know, life is, I think until you end, till you [01:07:30] get punched in the mouth, you don't know what your game plan really is.

Speaker 2: Have you, uh, you ever done jiu-jitsu before? I

Speaker 3: Have not. I

Speaker 2: Just did my second class yesterday and I brought my four year old daughter to class. Yeah. Just started my neck is sore as today. I spent three hours between the two days learning my place in the world. I got really good at tapping out. Yeah. It's like, it was, [01:08:00] it was a big slice of humble. They

Speaker 3: Probably weren't even being that hard on you.

Speaker 2: They just play with you until they don't feel like playing with you. I outweighed these guys by 20 pounds. I could dead lift or bench twice there. You know what? They just

Speaker 3: Kept getting you in different. Put it

Speaker 2: Technique the idea for me, it was if I can get my daughter into this and she got her butt kicked by another four year old, she didn't know the difference between winning and losing. And if she [01:08:30] blues she'd tap out and then smile. Look at me, give me the thumbs up and go again. It's like, if she knows, she doesn't know what I know the world. Hadn't conditioned us to compare ourselves to other people and winning and losing. But it's an immediate feedback to know where you are to lose and then go again. And I felt like it, that will build resilience. My daughter, she sticks to it. And you just made me think of that because I'm so fresh off of it. But what an incredible [01:09:00] practice, I think that is. And you're okay. You just be okay losing because you get to go, you have to get your up and go right again.

Speaker 3: I want to, I want to take a second to compliment my kids. I was just thinking about something. You talk about resilience and stuff, but I think something I've seen my kids do that. They shine and I just, it makes me so happy is they are so anti-bully, I've taught them to hate bullies and to protect the weak, right? [01:09:30] Because I, when I was at school, I just couldn't stand. Seeing people bullied. It just used to make me so angry. And so they were very, very aware of that. And then I see them interact with less capable kids and handicap kids. And, and it just, it makes me feel so good to know that they have, I've had parents come up to me and say, Hey, your son is, was so nice to my kid when everybody was ignoring him, I just want to say, thank you. And it's like, it's, it's weird because you're like, it's so powerful to hear that [01:10:00] because you can't like, that's not that's in his heart. You know what I'm saying? It's hard. He was doing something when he didn't know anybody who was paying attention.

Speaker 2: That's

Speaker 3: Beautiful. It is beautiful. And it's, and I think about that and I have to, I, I need to think you got me thinking more about that because it's so isn't it so easy to focus on the flaws. We focus so much on the floor. I joke around because it's, you know, for me, my son, I always say, you know, like, [01:10:30] cause it used to drive me nuts. You'd take our showers. Right. And I'm like, dude, you still smell like sweat. I mean, something smells like [inaudible]. So it was just, we joked around about that because we were like, how can you be in the shower for an hour and come out and still have body odor. But that's still one thing I have not been able to just ignore me. Not because you have the means. I would go days without Shannon because we didn't [01:11:00] have hot water.

Speaker 3: My mom literally would have to boil water on the stove. We had a gas stove, put it in the sink, mix it with cold water and give me a bath in the sink. We would keep the oven open for heat. Wow. You know? And so it was just, it is what it is. And so, you know, we've had people throw boulders to our door throughout with none. We grew up in the projects, you know? And like I, every, they have everything they need, they have $50 bottle of cologne. [01:11:30] They have dealers, they have toothpaste, they have showers, they have clean towels. They have clean clothes. They have everything they need yet. They still walk out of the room with dirty clothes on them. It's like, really dude, like it's, I don't know if that's part of being a teenager or if I did a crappy job, teaching them about that stuff.

Speaker 3: I don't know the answer to that. I talked to other parents and it cracks me up. And there was a comedian, Joe coy, this Filipino guy who talks about hygiene on his 12 year old. And it's so funny. We had our kids watch it. We all laughed. And they laughed together because [01:12:00] it was so right. You know, it was, he talks about kids, kids, breath in his armpits. And, and even my son was laughing because, you know, I just, I got to a point now where I just, I said, dude, I just want you to know. I love you have a great day. You stink.

Speaker 3: All right. So let's see, I'm going to ask you. Who's your favorite television dad. Oh, wow. Favorite television. Dad used [01:12:30] to be bill Cosby, bill Cosby. You know what? I grew up a lot watching. It was a little house in the Prairie. Yeah, I did. What was it? What was it about the dad there? He was hardworking and he was compassionate in, he loved his kids so much. It was just, you could just see. So I think I liked it so much. Cause you saw it at night. When they go to bed, you just saw mom and dad there and [01:13:00] they're reading. And I don't know if I watched it inadvertently seeking that wishing I had that. But I think when I think back as a kid, I would probably say the data on little house on the Prairie and growing pains was another one.

Speaker 3: Uh, was it, uh, Kirk. Cameron was in it. Oh, was it uh, who was the dad and growing pains? Um, he passed away his son. His, uh, his son's [01:13:30] the, the Fox? Nope, not Michael J. Fox. Oh, what the heck is his name? Oh, I can't think of it. It's going to pop into your head. I'm going to have to Google it Tyler, because it's driving me nuts. Dad, in growing pains, you, you you've known him. He, I think he just passed away. Alan Thicke. Yeah, of course. Robin thick, thick Canadian guys. He was a cool dad too. You know, like it just [01:14:00] remember that, you know, watching those shows and it was Hollywood, you know, it was my sense of fantasy wishing I would always go hang out at friend's. Is that it was interesting growing. I never was able to have sleepovers at my house, but I went to a school that was sort of in between a nice area in the hood.

Speaker 3: So it was a public school, so it was mixed. And so I was able to do sleepovers at other. People's always, I think back the parents would like give me care packages when I left, I thought [01:14:30] it was the coolest thing I got. They would give me clothes, food to take home. And I'm like, nice. But really what? They, they just felt bad for me. Cause I would come over with dirty clothes on no toothbrush, no change for tomorrow. And you know, just go to do a sleepover and I'd come home with a new outfit.

Speaker 2: Got it. So hard to think about like, I can't fathom that life.

Speaker 3: Yeah. I wouldn't change it, but it is what it is, man. I mean, you know, when you're a kid, you just it's all hand [01:15:00] me downs. But, but it wasn't abnormal to me. Yeah. You don't like if you grow up in, if you grew up in a jungle and a tribe, you don't know any different. I could never live in a jungle and yes you could. If you were born into it and you don't know any different, the only reason, the only reason we miss TV is because we know what TV is, right? Like if you never had something, how can you not miss? How can you miss it? Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah. That makes perfect sense. Tim Ferris. I don't know if you've listened to me as [01:15:30] one of them. One of my favorite questions I steal from him. It's the a billboard question. You know, imagine you're on I four going 80 miles an hour. You like, you must not be in the heart of the city. You're you're out somewhere else. If you're going 80 miles an hour, you've got a billboard and you get all the dads, see this billboard and you get to, they get, it's gotta be legible, but you can put a message on there to all the dads. There's a piece

Speaker 3: Wasting time is murdering opportunity. Wasting time [01:16:00] is murdering opportunity. I, I say that a lot because every day that goes by that you don't take action on goals, dreams, and aspirations. Every day, that goes by that. You don't tell someone that you really love that you love them every day. That goes by that you don't pour into your family or think about what's next wasting time is murdering opportunity and procrastination is the assassin to success. Yeah.

Speaker 2: I love it. Gift. This is one of my favorite questions too. It's just kind of a stealing [01:16:30] from Tim Ferriss too. If you could,

Speaker 3: We all still, by the way, Tyler and stuff, this is how it works. Let me tell you how this works in. When you take someone's information. So the first time you use it, you're going to say Tim Ferris always says right, and the next time you use it, the second time you use it, you'll say a friend of mine uses this statement. The third time it's yours. You own it. You don't ever have to say Tim Ferris anymore. It's yours. If you've used it three times, you got to own it.

Speaker 2: I've got this great question that I own [01:17:00] that I'm going to ask you now a gift. If you could give a gift of whatever you can think of to every father on the planet, what would that gift be?

Speaker 3: Something I lack tremendously patients. I think, I think if you could be, if you could be patient and ask yourself before you react, is it really gonna matter tomorrow? Next week or next [01:17:30] year is what I'm upset about? Like it, can I not react, have enough patients? I always can. I have enough patients not to react to try to understand what's really happening so I can truly make a difference. As a dad. Patients is definitely patients,

Speaker 2: Patients. All right. I got two more questions. Ah, three more questions. So this one is, uh, was provided to me by a friend. [01:18:00] And, uh, it is when do you feel the most loved?

Speaker 3: Well, my kids are happy and when my, when I'm with my family and all the stars are lined up, when it's hard, it went, it was going to try to put this in words, it's, it's as simple as the four of us sitting together and our kids' phones kids. [01:18:30] Aren't buried into the phones and they're talking to me about exciting things in their life. And, and like, I feel like I'm actually part of part of something with them. I don't know if I'm putting it in the right context, but so many times I feel like I'm constantly just being there, the thumb on their head, you know, get this done, get this done where I think I miss out so much on how much they really do love me. So when I stop [01:19:00] everything I'm doing and I'm only focused on them and I realized that there is reciprocation in the amount of love.

Speaker 3: I give them sometimes I'm so blinded, by the way, I process things that I view too many things as being disrespected instead of as this is a normal growth process for these kids. So for me, it's when, when I'm engaged, as simple as my son telling me a funny story, that he's willing to come home and share a cool story with me. Yeah. [01:19:30] You know what I'm saying? It's like, it has no meaning to anything other than to him. And the fact that he took the time to share that with me and I can laugh and say, that's cool. That's funny. I love you, man. It just to feel like he to feel like he sees me as part of his life. They, my boys

Speaker 2: On Monday, I took my daughter to the first class. It was daddy daughter time for like three hours, just the two of us. And when we got home, she followed me around everywhere. [01:20:00] I'd sit down, she'd sit next to me, stand up. She'd walk next to me. And it wasn't like holding my hand. It wasn't sitting in my, it was just sitting next to me. And it felt like the love that moms get all

Speaker 3: The time, all the time, bro. I don't want to

Speaker 2: Cry that. I'll never have a love that

Speaker 3: A hundred percent man. And, and, and I think as dads, we have this hard persona, right? We're we're the, you know, my wife is a stay home mom and you know, she's, she does a lot, you know, for the family, but at [01:20:30] the, at the same token, it's like, we, we are so focused on having to get stuff done that I think we, you know, a lot of times I'll come home. And I, I think, you know, if you were to ask my wife the most time she feels unloved is probably when I get home and I'm trying to decompress. Yeah. And I'm not listening to her day. You know what I mean? Like, I can't believe you're talking to you about this right now. Do you realize what my day was like? And that's selfish of me to even think like that as if her day doesn't matter to her.

Speaker 3: [01:21:00] I always tell, I tell my wife this and I have practiced. What I preach is when a kid tells you he's upset about something. And I would tell this to all dads, don't brush it under the rug. Like if someone says, man, if she broke up with me and I loved her and endorsing Zayas, you don't know what love is. Like, how do you know what love is this young? Well, if you're a Christian and you, and you say, Jesus has, God is love. And they say they're Christian. And they believe in God. Well then how can you say that? They don't know what love is. Right? So it's, it's unfair for an adult [01:21:30] to tell a young person and kids end up doing terrible things to themselves and go into great depression because they get conflicting messages from their parents. Like they, I was in love when I was a kid.

Speaker 3: I at least I thought I was, and then my heart was broken. And then, you know, my mom had compassion for that. Parents don't always have compassionate. Like you don't know how love is, man. We talking about get over it. Yeah. That's that's that then you're telling you, then you're, you're telling your kid that he [01:22:00] does that his feelings and emotions are not real. Yeah. They're very real. I would say, no matter where your kids are at in life, give validity to their feelings. I think we discount their feelings. Do you think a kid can

Speaker 2: Love a parent? As much as a parent can love a kid?

Speaker 3: I think a kid naturally loves his parent, but doesn't recognize it always until later in life. I think when push comes to shove, like my son, my oldest son, you know, he can be really, [01:22:30] really hard on his mom. And, but I, whenever I watch, whenever there's desperation in need, I see him full like a lawn chair and just mom's mom's care and mom's arms. You know what I'm saying? There's a certain love that a mom can give the dads just don't have. Yeah. It's not a fair comparison because ma like, think about how natural survival is in the wild, w w they're [01:23:00] designed to survive and protect. You know, I watched, um, there was, there was a, yesterday, there was a, a goose with baby geese and one of the baby geese get hit by a car and the mother would not leave the dead goose. They're just stood right in the middle of the road with their other babies. And didn't know what to do.

Speaker 3: That's maternal instincts. When a bear attacks you, cause you're near his caught there, her Cub, it's a maternal instinct, right? You [01:23:30] can't. So if you think the animals in the wild are do that and they do it without, without any recourse, realizing that if they kill somebody, there's no recourse to them. Right. It is what it is in life. We have recourse because we are programmed with emotions and feelings and we have results. We have, uh, consequences to our actions. And so, but the maternal instinct is so powerful. You can't run from it. My, my wife's really maternal and I'm maternal, but, [01:24:00] but I'm also like, um, feel like I'm at the point where it's like, alright, now it's time for you to go find your own way. Yeah. You know? Not, not without my love, not without the car. I bought. Yah. Not without the clothes I've given you, not without the money in the bank, I'm giving you, but it's time to go. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta leave the nest kid gotta leave the nest because you become a man at some point. All right,

Speaker 2: Let me get, what kind of father do you want to be remembered as

Speaker 3: Hard worker love, you know, compassionate dad. [01:24:30] Yeah. I have a feeling. People are going to say I'm feeling when, when it comes to the job, my kids are going to describe me as my dad was tough, but I always knew how much he loved me. I hope, I hope that I hope it's not. My dad was an because I know for a fact they've said it

Speaker 2: Probably with just cause,

Speaker 3: Um, I'm like hard on stupid things, but, but I've learned, I mean, as early on, I've learned [01:25:00] to lighten up a little bit. Yeah. I think if I would've had it, I couldn't even imagine if I think God, I told my wife, I said, God really looked out for me. I said, I know we didn't want to lose two daughters, but we ended up two sons because I got, I don't know how I could handle two daughters. I would've been way protective, tough one. But

Speaker 2: I think, I think they condition you over time. You know? Like [01:25:30] you th I, I asked people with older daughters, you know, how do you, how do you manage, you know, boys being in their life and stuff. And I, and I think they start prepping you for it early. Like in when they're four, they come home with a crush on whoever. And you just, you're always uncomfortable a little bit. You're never like super uncom.

Speaker 3: Um, you don't want nobody touching your baby, you know, it's like, and that's going to be your baby forever. But at some point you're going to walk her down the aisle. Right. And you know, and [01:26:00] you don't think about it like that when they become adults. But when they're kids like, whoa, it was way too soon. But, you know, I mean, I started way too young because I had no supervision, but yeah, I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as a, as somebody who cared, somebody who, who really looked out for his kids and I worked hard, you know?

Speaker 2: So this is my last question for you. Your boys are going to have kids. They're going to have kids. Those [01:26:30] kids are going to have kids in the event, this message, this audio lasts for eternity. What's a message that you would want to pass along to your family forever.

Speaker 3: Making me dig into my Rolodex. That's a good question, Tyler. I mean, that's a really good question and I'm glad you, you didn't ask me ahead of time and give me time to think about it because I don't know if I would've given, you know, I would probably gave you [01:27:00] a Google dancer. You know what I mean? That's what I love about this conversation. It's just authentic. There's no, there's no prep, right? I mean, people are getting authenticity, probably in the same

Speaker 2: Questions, but I've only asked four of

Speaker 3: Them. You didn't give me those questions. What would I want? My great, great, great, great grandkids to know about me. Or

Speaker 2: You got, you got two minutes to [01:27:30] say whatever you want.

Speaker 3: Well, I hope, I think what I think what I hope, what I hope is that I will be the first example in my family of till death do us part as, uh, as parents. Right? I, I remember on my 20th anniversary, I told my, my wife says to me, she says, 20 years, can you believe it? And of course, with a smile, I look at, I go, you know, I was thinking, man, if I would've killed you the first time I wanted to, I'd probably be on a good behavior [01:28:00] on her.

Speaker 3: Of course she knows my humor. If we had a dime for every time someone said to my wife, how do you do it? She's a strong woman because I'm always, you know, I'm, I'm a fun guy. Joke. I say things off color, but I always do it with a smile. And I think good, good humor is when you can, you can say things that you don't really mean, but Sam, like, it mean it, but they know you don't mean it. You know what I mean? Like have fun, but I [01:28:30] would, I would want, I would want them to see an example. Hopefully we set an example where my kids realized that through the good, the bad and the ugly that, that you don't run you. I probably in my life, we've gone through, you think about it losing two kids, wife, having a stroke, diabetes, all these different things.

Speaker 3: This is when my wife and I get in heated moments. I say to her, yeah, it sucks right now. But just remember who your rock is like. Um, I haven't left. Yeah. Maybe I'm not perfect [01:29:00] in certain, but I have not left. I laid down next to you every single night. No matter what happens, I've never slept on a couch. I don't sleep in a different room. I'm always here. And I might not always be happy to be here because you know, that's called marriage, man. It's not perfect. Right. So I've learned to be more patient. I've learned to be more compassionate. I've learned to let things brush off my shoulder a little bit, even though, and I've gotten my car and screamed, you know what I mean? But, but [01:29:30] I've always come home. I never not come home. And so I hope that my grandkids, I hope that when they find their mate and their partner in, I think I hope that they, I hope they view us as a good example.

Speaker 3: Right? Not, I hope my kids, I hope at the end of the day, my kids view me as an example of what to do, not what not to do because I viewed my dad is what not to do. Yeah. Right. I want my kids to view me as what to do. And so, you know, someone said [01:30:00] something to me the other day that really made me my heart just kind of mush was, um, I was frustrated with my son and I, we have a lot, I have a lot of good friends and they, they are very interested in my kids. Right. And they show interest in my kids. And he said to me, he goes, dude, I know you're upset. I know that he's giving you a hard time. He goes, but I've talked to him. And your son, all she wants to do is impress you. And the only reason he lies [01:30:30] to you about certain things is, and he knows he's always going to get caught, but he he's trying to avoid disappointing you at the moment. Yeah. He would rather delay the disappointment than see the pain on your face, face to face. And so it took me a minute to realize, and then I just think, think back I lied to my mom zillion times, Tyler. I mean, God, if I was honest with my mom, she would have had me put down.

Speaker 3: You know what I mean? Like [01:31:00] it's, I always say like, I don't know if I'm more upset that my son does things that he shouldn't do and it's not horrific. Don't get me wrong. It's not like we have like drug problems or anything in my house. It's not that it's just, it's other, it's silly things. But I feel like if you don't take care of the little things, they turn into big things. Right. It's like if I was straight forward, oh my gosh. I just don't like to be lied to, but I've, I've, I've lightened up a little bit. I say to my, I actually, [01:31:30] I actually stick up for him sometimes when he's not telling the truth. I said, babe, you would, wouldn't you try to avoid telling us, disappointing us. If you made a mistake like that, like, come on. Like don't lighten up a little, let's lighten up a little bit. You know, the reason he's doing this is because he's upset and he's angry with himself and he's mad at himself and he's, don't make, let's not make it about you. And I let's think about his perspective hopefully to answer your question. I hope it's. I hope that we were an [01:32:00] example of what to do, not what? Not to do a good enough answer, but that's that's what's on my heart.

Speaker 2: No, I think that's an awesome answer. And has learned a lot talking to you. I appreciate your time. Thanks so much for being on the podcast and sharing your experiences. No doubt. Anybody that listens to it is going to get great stuff out of it from parenting to, to selling man.

Speaker 3: Yeah. It's I think it all, I think it all goes hand in hand. Tyler. I think, you know, you're, [01:32:30] you're, you're a good salesman. You can sell your way through parenthood to keeping kids happy as a constant sales pitch. Right. Obviously a great salesperson. Cause she melts me for two anniversaries. So.

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