Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross 029 - Sarrah Rose
Speaker 2: Hello. This [00:00:30] is Tyler Ross, and we're doing learning to dad a very special episode today with Sarah Rose, who is the founder of tantric activation. She's a certified sex coach and specializes in men's sexuality. As a sex coach. Sarah works with men to help them become advanced lovers and sexual masters. Sarah understands that sexuality is linked to confidence in all areas of life and from Pima premature to difficulty getting hard to porn addiction, to inability to bring [00:01:00] their women at orgasm, Sarah guides, men through these issues and more so that they can reach their goal. Sarah, awesome. To talk to you, thank you for giving me your time today.
Speaker 3: I'm glad to be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: So we ended up connecting on Instagram because of our shared interest in newfound passion, or you've got a couple stripes already in jujitsu
Speaker 3: Jujitsu. Yeah. It's definitely a huge passion of mine. [00:01:30] It's a sub probably borderlines on addiction.
Speaker 2: Well, um, I'll give a shout out to your Instagram accounts now. Of course you've got at tantric activation, but also at Sarah Rose jujitsu, which Sarah is S a R R a H Sarah Rose jujitsu. So if you're listening on your phone, pull it out, open Instagram and give Sarah follow, but you've managed to get quite a following on both of those profiles. I I'd love to talk to you a little bit about [00:02:00] how you got into your business, if, if you don't mind sharing that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. So Tundra activation is my company. I started it, I guess, three years ago. Now, prior to that, I was teaching more on a local level here in Austin where I live. I'm just in-person courses, group classes, things like that, one-on-one coaching, but it was just very much local. And then, uh, my following did start to grow. And so people were wanting [00:02:30] to work with me on an international level. And so I created a online course for men at that point called sex stallion training and, um, been selling that. And then I now do all my private coaching through video chat. So it's a 10 week program where we meet once a week through video chat. And then I give the guys a audio guide that they listen to and do practices to throughout the week. So both [00:03:00] the online course and the private coaching can be done. They are done on your own without a partner. Um, so guys that are in partnership, it's fine for them to do it, or if they're single, they can do it also. So it's really something that all guys can do.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's a really cool thing and a topic that we've really not discussed at all, because we've been so focused on the parent child relationship every now and again, we, we get to like the, the, uh, parents' relationship [00:03:30] as spouses. So I'll be really excited to kind of unpack some of these ideas on how your training and your experiences can, you know, help. What I expect are mostly men listening to this podcast, but any women that care to listen to it also first, I'd be interested to know what we talked about already. You know, like what is your typical customer like?
Speaker 3: So my typical customer is really any guy because the, [00:04:00] what I'm able to offer men helps guys that may be struggling in the area of sexuality, or they feel like things are great and they want to take it to the next level. So the cool thing about tantra is it's something that is so different from conventional sex, which is what most people have. And so in guys trained in tantric sex, that's where the sexual mastery really comes in place. And not a guys, not a lot of guys [00:04:30] have done any training in contracts. And so, especially in relationships, when I get messages every single day from men and their number one complaint or issue that they're having is that they're married. They love the woman that they're with, but they're so frustrated because they're not having sex anymore. And this is a really big issue for guys in there.
Speaker 3: There are a lot of reasons for it. I definitely don't put the [00:05:00] blame solely on men. I've actually worked with women in Austin, still locally. I do a course with women every fall. That's 12 weeks in person. So I, I get both perspectives of it and women have to do their part as well. Like they're very shut down, very repressed sexually because of the culture that we live in. And what happens in a relationship is initially we're driven by lust, [00:05:30] which comes from the sex organs. It's testosterone driven, and both men and women are driven by this hormone. And it's biologically, they're designed to get us out there, finding the person to procreate with. And then we meet a person that we feel like we have this chemistry with, and we'd go through this period of romantic love. And this can last between four and 18 months [00:06:00] because it's driven in the brain by dopamine and adrenaline primarily.
Speaker 3: And literally we would go crazy if it lasted longer than that, or it's our brains can't handle it. And so what happens in most relationships is they're like, wow, he was amazing. And then between four and 18 months that the hormones start to fade and the couple starts to look at each other a little more clearly. And they're [00:06:30] like, what happened here? What have I gotten into, why are things not the way they were? And they go through a lot of disillusionment in that period. And that is primarily designed to get people, to get couples to procreate in, or, you know, so that way they have a child and then they're bonded by oxytocin. And this next phase of the relationship that usually lasts up until about four years. And [00:07:00] during that time, it's about this oxytocin bond, keeping them together to raise the child and you'll see statistically over and over the ad that four year point is when couples are like, we just don't really want to be together anymore. There's nothing left. And so it's helps people, helps couples to understand that this is driven biologically, and it's not just that you've done something wrong or that your partner has [00:07:30] done something wrong, but there are ways to hack the system and get through that. Um, and I've seen, especially, I love doing private coaching with couples that are committed to the relationship because tantric practices can really help reignite that fire that you once had for each other. And it's the best hack that I've found in order and in ways of helping couples, [00:08:00] who
Speaker 2: Could you kind of describe a little bit about what tantric means?
Speaker 3: Yeah. So tantra is very broad. Um, it actually originated in India, um, and it a vast system, anyone that knows anything about yoga, it can be similar. Yoga is actually a part of tantra and it, it's definitely not a religion, but it was a, um, more of a all encompassing lifestyle. So I don't teach [00:08:30] classical tantra. What I teach is called Neo tantra or contract sex. And so it's not a spiritual practice the way I teach it, it's something that can help anybody, no matter what their religious belief or affiliation is in. It just is a way to help people be better in bed to be more connected in their intimacy. So it, lot of it is breath techniques when you're talking about [00:09:00] the brain again. So the cortex, the frontal lobe of the brain is the thinking part of our brain. It's where we have our thoughts.
Speaker 3: It's where, you know, if you're in bed and you're thinking, okay, is she happy right now? Am I pleasing her? Is she satisfied? Is she going to have an orgasm? Does she already have an orgasm? Did she fake that orgasm? That's your cortex? And that part of the brain is what causes us so much anxiety in bed. And a lot of that will show up [00:09:30] as a rec child is functional show up as premature. And it'll show up as porn addiction because it's easier to and watch porn than it is to have to deal with all this stuff in our head when we're in bed. And so the, the breath work that I teach people to use during sex helps to soften the cortex. So they're able to happen to the deeper parts of their brain enabled to just really be in their bodies and experiencing the sensations [00:10:00] that are available in sex.
Speaker 3: And so when they're able, just to notice the pleasure, the pleasurable sensations, those sensations begin to expand and through the breath, we're able to move it through their bodies. Guys can have multiple orgasms when they learn how to separate their orgasm from. And so that's one of the things that I teach guys and sex stallion training. The online course is separating orgasm from. And then [00:10:30] they can begin to have orgasms without a jacket elation. They can have full body orgasms and they can move their sexual energy through their body, which really helps with the stagnant energy that we see in a lot of couples that have been together for a long time. They're just bored. Literally. That's what I hear from women over and over and over why they're not having sex anymore is because they're bored. And, you know, they may say they're tired and that's probably true, but if they weren't bored, [00:11:00] if there was excitement there, they would still want it, even though they are tired. So tantra helps in a lot of different ways.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And so working with couples, do you find that rather than, you know, 50% of a couple, that that's far more effective when you have two completely open minds and like come together through your teachings and explore the things that you're teaching that that's, they get more out of it together than one person would [00:11:30] on their own?
Speaker 3: Definitely. It helps if both people are on board. I do have guys though that they decide, okay, I'm just going to take charge. I'm going to start focusing on myself and my own sexuality because a lot of times the partner, and it goes both ways, like sometimes a woman's on board and the guy won't talk about it. Sometimes the guys on board and the woman won't talk about it. And the, you know, I can understand the frustration around that. But [00:12:00] when one person really just says, Hey, you know what? This is important to me. I'm going to take charge of my own sexuality and that can be contagious. Like it can be the sexual energy starts moving. It starts being coming cultivated. It creates, um, new magnetism or person and confidence starts to show up in different ways. And your partner can see that and start to become more attracted [00:12:30] to you again. So there's always that possibility. And I don't guarantee that because I get in trouble, but it does happen. I've definitely seen that happen. And because it's really sexy when you see your partner and he's lit up and he's got that sexual energy, that's attractive.
Speaker 2: So w are there any, uh, uh, like let's see like simple little things that you could offer up as like a, [00:13:00] uh, an idea on how to change your energy?
Speaker 3: Yeah. One of the best things that a guy can do, his testicle massage every day. I actually have a guide on that. I sell, um, it's a two to three minute practice, and I've got a video guide showing guys exactly how to go through that practice. And that really helps connect a guy with his sexuality. Um, if there is any issue [00:13:30] with erectile dysfunction or premature, many men tend to disassociate from their penis. They feel like their Dick is broken kind of thing, and it's, it can be very traumatic. And so they disassociate and then that area of the body starts to feel numb. Um, and so through testicle massage, they're able to reconnect and have this mind, body connection again, and begin to feel life in that area of their body. So that's a very, very powerful tool. [00:14:00] Yeah. I'd say that's number one.
Speaker 2: I never, in a thousand years expected that answer, but it makes intuitively perfect sense to me. And I'm sure that if anyone would have suffering from those problems with try, that, I could see why that would be so useful and beneficial. Can you talk to me a little bit about, let's say, you know, men and, you know, maybe being rejected by their partner?
Speaker 3: Yeah. That's, that's tough. One of the things [00:14:30] that I have learned personally through tantric practices is that I have developed a strong sense of self-love and commitment to myself and what I've experienced through that is more sovereignty and less susceptibility rejection. And realizing that if, if for whatever reason, somebody, you know, for me, it's in [00:15:00] the dating world, you know, if I am interested in somebody and they're not interested in me, I don't experience that anymore. As rejection as just, you know, they've got their own life that they're living and for whatever reason, they don't feel like, you know, sharing that with me is, is the right thing for them in this moment. And that's, you know, I don't, and so the self-love component of it is important. And it's really just a perspective [00:15:30] shift also of like, just because somebody says they don't want sex with me right now, then that doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with me.
Speaker 3: It's more of what, you know, they've got their thing and what they're going through and just being okay with, with who you are. And also we're very conditioned as a society to not like to experience negative emotions. And so [00:16:00] when we feel rejection, it can be like, oh no, this is bad. I don't want to feel this. Um, what can I do to change it? So I never have to feel this again, but in tantra, a lot of what I've learned is how to sit with negative emotions and be able to experience them fully for what they are without letting them control me. Because really that's just all it is. It's just an emotion that you're experiencing, and it doesn't have to change who you are.
Speaker 2: [00:16:30] Th that goes so far beyond, uh, sex. Like we talked about before we came on, uh, that your tantra and teachings associated with that can help build up a person, not just in the bedroom or on the mat, but like in their life with true happiness, better sleep, mental clarity, ripping words, straight off of the blog post from tantric activation.com. But can you expand on those things a little bit,
Speaker 3: [00:17:00] Sorry, as the confidence component of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Somebody that just to help bring up their own self-awareness and self-confidence,
Speaker 3: Yeah. Self-awareness is very important. And it's really what makes somebody attractive because that's, self-awareness give somebody real confidence, true confidence rather than, you know, narcissism, bravado, something like that, which a lot of people put on, but it's not sourced internally. It's just an exterior [00:17:30] facade that they have that's generally used for manipulation. So having real confidence that comes from within comes from really knowing yourself. And there are a lot of ways to go about that. I mean, jujitsu is one way that will definitely help you learn a lot about yourself, like what your triggers are, where your weaknesses are, um, all that kind of thing. Um, and tantra is another modality that can help with that. Um, [00:18:00] but, but yeah, just really tapping in. And I think in particular sexual confidence is something that's really important for people because our sexual energy is something that many of us have been cut off from because we live in really a puritanical culture still that has taught us that sex is bad, somehow dirties, shameful, things like that. And it's, it's part of the culture at large. [00:18:30] It's like, okay, it's one thing to, you know, we can all have the porn on our smart phones, twenty four seven, but have the decency to be ashamed of it kind of mentality,
Speaker 3: But it's true. And, and that, that sense of shame, guilt, dirtiness, whatever, it cuts us off from our sexuality, which is so powerful and so vital, it is our life force energy. It's the energy that literally [00:19:00] creates new life. And it's that creative energy that when it's allowed to flow freely and us can really empower us. It's not about being, you know, doesn't have to be a sexually empowered person. Doesn't have to look like a porn star. You know, somebody that just has this creative energy flowing and empowering them.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about energy a little bit, because I think a lot of people, [00:19:30] when they hear the word energy, probably think of it in a very woo woo way. I think of it in a very scientific way. This desk is energy. That's computers, energy, it's all little Addams and things moving around, just like channels running up and down your legs and body. Could you kind of clarify what you mean when you talk about sexual energy?
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, sexual energy is something that you feel for one, anytime you get turned on, you're like, yeah, that's my sexual energy kicked in, [00:20:00] in that sexual energy is something that you can actually move in your body. Um, and it is, it's very scientific. You know, energy matters is energy slowed down, so you're right. Everything is energy and everything has different, just a different type of energy that's in our bodies and it's, it's derived from those sex hormones.
Speaker 2: Oh, could you talk to me a little bit about the difference in perspective, maybe across the average, in your experience between men [00:20:30] and women and how they view sex? Cause I know I view it a lot differently now than I did when I was 20 or 25. I'd like to think it's in a more mature way, but your clients, like what's, what's the big difference between their women and men's perspectives?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say when it comes to well sexual mastery for one big thing that I work with women around is helping them to reclaim [00:21:00] their sexual power. Women in particular have been taught that they have to choose between either being accepted by society or sexual that they can't have both because it's been just part of culture for thousands, thousands of years, that a woman that is sexual, she's a, she's a, she's a prostitute, you know, some sort of sex worker, things like that. And so women have to shut down [00:21:30] and that affects them owner and marriage because they carry that with them into their marriage. And so, like I said, at the beginning, when biologic biology kicks in and then the hormones are pumping, things may be great. But then that shame is going to catch up with her. If it's not something that she's dealt with, if she's really been judgmental of her sexuality from the time of puberty or even before then, it's going to be hard for her to really be fully, sexually [00:22:00] expressive in her relationship with her husband.
Speaker 3: Even though that's an area that maybe she's been taught, like it's okay. But if you're tough, the neural pathways in our brain, those form really deep grooves. And so if you're taught from the time that you're a child, that your sexuality is something to be ashamed of and hidden and not fully enjoyed and expressed, then even when you become married and it's suddenly, okay, those [00:22:30] neural pathways are still there. And so I work with women a lot around creating new neural pathways that help them experience pleasure with their sexuality rather than the shame or guilt that they've had before. And yeah, and so that's, so that's there for women and also orgasm is something that you can train your body to do. And so the more that a woman trains her body to orgasm, [00:23:00] and I teach this through masturbation practices because that's an area where women can relax and they can really explore their body and learn how, what pleases them more easily often than when she's with her partner.
Speaker 3: And so she can train her body to be able to orgasm more quickly guys, on the other hand, it's not always clearly, but for a lot of men too soon, orgasmic too soon is a bigger issue. [00:23:30] And so it's helping those guys be able to have more stamina to last longer in bed and also for men, it's their pleasure. So for women, a lot has their pleasure is derived from feeling she's desired. And so if she's really feeling like you desire her, that's going to turn her on men because of the idea that's pervasive in our culture, whole rape culture type of mentality that we have [00:24:00] towards men, men are very concerned with. Is she experiencing pleasure because if she's experiencing pleasure, then that means that she is that he is not doing harm. And guys are concerned that they're doing harm because most of the guys out there are good guys, they're not rapists, but they've been lumped into this whole category because we just have really so many issues with sexuality in society. And so a guy [00:24:30] is very concerned with, am I, is she experiencing pleasure? And that's what turns him on. He wants to know she's experiencing pleasure because then he knows he's not causing harm.
Speaker 2: That makes perfect sense to me. So with that in mind, could you kind of shine some light for men or women, both anybody who have sex and may not get their partner to orgasm and how they can or should feel about that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have, um, [00:25:00] I mean, there's definitely the mechanics of it that are important to learn and it's a part of sex education that is, uh, I'm happy to fill that void. And I have, uh, a course on that on my website, it's called ology. And it's all about teaching guys, the ins and outs of how to please her. And it's just very much of like, these are the mechanics of it. These are the things you just got to learn. [00:25:30] And then what I tell guys is learn how to do that, master that, and then forget about it because so many guys get very focused on the orgasm. Is she coming? Does she come? How many orgasms did you have? Are you about to come? That kind of thing? And they miss out on the whole experience of having amazing sex with this amazing woman, because they're so focused on the orgasm and [00:26:00] it really gets annoying. Women are like, oh my God, okay. I came 10 times. Like, are you happy now? And when they faked the orgasms, because they don't want to deal with the conversation around it all. And so, yeah, there's a tip for you guys, learn how to do it and then just get in there and enjoy.
Speaker 2: Um, I want to circle back a little bit to porn. It's a far more [00:26:30] available than it's ever been. It's so easy to access. Does porn have a place in a relationship?
Speaker 3: I think that depends on the couple. I will say that study after study shows that where porn and where in societies where porn and sex workers are available, sexual violence goes down. It also shows that only between five and 7% of guys that watch [00:27:00] sexually violent porn will actually act out sexually violent towards women. And so that's a very small percentage of guys that are actually watching porn, not to mitigate that that's very bad and there's thankfully help available for those men. And they should not be watching porn, especially not that type of work, but for the vast majority of men and women watching porn, it's not, it's not affecting them [00:27:30] negatively. So think what we have, what we have is more of a moral dilemma around pornography than it is an actual something that's scientifically shown that it's really negatively affecting us. And so if a guy's watching porn, then a woman is going to may feel like there's something wrong with her.
Speaker 3: And that's why he's watching that instead of being with her. And so she'll have the rejection stuff come up and [00:28:00] it's more, it's more around those then, you know, is this actually causing us any problems as a society? There are some issues within the porn industry itself, but I don't feel like those actually carry over into the bedroom. So, you know, if, is there a place for it? I don't see why not, as long as both couples can really see it for what it is, it's entertainment value. It's not something that should be used as education when guys try and porn stars [00:28:30] in the bedroom, it falls flat because it literally is there for our entertainment. It's not real life. It doesn't translate. She can tell you're trying out porn moves and it just doesn't feel good. It's like, all right, are we putting on a show here? Are we making love?
Speaker 2: Oh, you answered the next question I had, uh, jumped forward. Uh, and I'm just going to pluck a keyword off of my notes here and talk about let's do, let's see teamwork talk about teamwork [00:29:00] and men and women, maybe, uh, having the conversation because I expect a lot of people are insecure about, you know, doing it, let alone about talking about it. Do you have any experience that can kind of talk to the importance of actual communication?
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, it's very, very important. The communication aspect of it is huge and it's really crazy that we can live however many years [00:29:30] with a person, have children with this person, share home with them, share finances, everything, and we can't talk to them about sex. And that just goes to show where we are at as a society. And it's part of why in the job that I'm in, I talk so explicitly about sex and it's why I have guys write to me regularly that they have become less ashamed of their sexuality [00:30:00] just by following me on Instagram because of the way that I am just so comfortable with sexuality, but it just has helped them. They've they're like I couldn't even walk around in my own house naked and seeing your posts. I feel more comfortable with that. And so, you know, when it comes to that, it really is an issue in relationship.
Speaker 3: It really is something that, um, couples just, they've got to go for it. You know, if you're [00:30:30] wanting to have a fully vibrant relationship, really connected, really intimate relationship, that's thriving, then it's important to have these communications about sex. And unfortunately they're not easy, but if you're not going to do it, how are you going to be able to teach your children? And, you know, do you want them to experience this in the same way that you did the same way that you are? Or do you want to model for your kids a relationship [00:31:00] that's really just has this vibrancy and, and that comes from a connection that we have sexually with each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's awesome. And actually, I want to ask you about what you just said, talking about, you know, engaging with kids. Have you had any clients or experiences with people that come to you say, how do I talk about this with my kids? And what do I say?
Speaker 3: Yeah. And unfortunately that's a very, very tough conversation to have because [00:31:30] you have to be careful, you know, it's like every, you have to watch your back when it comes to talking with children about sexuality, because it can be turned against you. And it's just part of the problem that we have in society. But at the same time, your kids are going to be exposed to it. I mean, kids nowadays they're on their iPads or iPhones twenty four seven, you know, and as much as you want to keep them away from it, they're going [00:32:00] to learn about sexuality. And so you want them to learn from you or do you want them to learn from a YouTube video or their friends at school? And so it's important. I believe she just have healthy conversations and for it to be a normal way to talk about sex from the time that they're there to in age in ways that are very age appropriate.
Speaker 3: And so that way, as they reach their middle school years, they're able to [00:32:30] come to you and they feel comfortable talking to you about sex when they have questions, you know, when your son has his first wet dream, he's not going to be surprised by it because he's already going to know. And if he does have any surprise or questions around it, he's going to be able to be comfortable coming to you. And it's instead of being afraid of what's happening to his body, you know, same with your daughter when she has her first menstrual cycle, is she going to be surprised? Is she going to be scared [00:33:00] or she going to realize this is a natural thing that's going on to her body. You can come talk to you about it. And she's only going to be comfortable if she's been able to talk to you about these things as she grows from time that she was two years old and are these things normal to talk about,
Speaker 2: Uh, you just brought back a vivid memory of my first wet dream. And I stored that one back way in the back of my, [00:33:30] um, let's talk about maybe the, the continuing effort that's required, as I assume this is not a take your course once I'm a master now, and I'm done, it's forever evolving and changing thing. Do you have some like super long-term clients been with you since you started your business?
Speaker 3: Actually, no. Um, I don't, I, I guys get to the end of my 10 week program and I'm like, you don't need me anymore [00:34:00] go, you're doing amazing. So, um, sex stallion training is the seven week online course, and that teaches the basics, the fundamentals of tantric sex. And so that is where like guys should start and then, you know, they get a taste of it. They get to see if this is something they want to pursue and then move into private coaching with me. And so the private coaching is 10 weeks and it's an intensive 10 weeks, but it's [00:34:30] amazing. The guys that come through that program, their lives are completely transformed. And that's actually what brings me the most joy is like seeing these guys go through the private coaching program. And then after that, some of them that are in relationship at that point, or later on when their relationship they'll come back and we'll be like, Hey, can we do the couples program together? Or maybe they've gone through sex stallion training. And they just want to go straight to the couples program [00:35:00] and not do the personal one-on-one on their own without their partner. So it can go either way. They know I don't have lifetime clients. It's like, get in here, get the work done, get on your way.
Speaker 2: I can get that, you know, once you get them on the right kind of vector and cut them loose, let the, let the arrow loose. So what kind of transformations do you see in people?
Speaker 3: They're really beautiful. So there's one client that I [00:35:30] had, uh, he really, really struggled with premature and it was something that he had always struggled with since he first started masturbating first times having sex. And, and we were, he had tried tantric practices before to try and help, and it hadn't helped. And so through the private coaching, we were really able to get to the root psychologically of what was going on. And after [00:36:00] doing the 10 weeks with me, he has had zero issue. I mean, he no issues at all. And to the point where the woman that he was w is with, she's just blown away. She's like, I've never experienced anything like this. And he messaged me one day. He's like Sarah, she says, she's never experienced anything like this. I'm like, he goes, he's like, and I didn't know I could do this either.
Speaker 3: Yeah. [00:36:30] So that was amazing. Another guy, he was in a relationship and he had never had any issues with Roche hands function before, but he was experiencing it in this relationship. And so we were able to work through that. Uh, his, uh, what he wrote about the experience was he's 27 years old, it had all his testosterone check. Everything was fine and never had issues before, but he felt like his, [00:37:00] his penis and his balls were just shriveled up. And we were able to bring him back to a space of sexually thriving. And, you know, now relationship is in no issues at all.
Speaker 2: And this is a combination between like mental effort, physical practices, uh, breathing, uh, it seems like so much has done through the breath with, uh, you know, ice man Hoff, uh, VIM, Hoff talking about it constantly. And it only makes sense that [00:37:30] it would affect you mind, body, spirit, sexual energy, and all of that. So, um, has your business changed since you got started? What's the evolution of your business look like?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it absolutely has changed. So I started out, um, I've actually done courses, uh, for a couple of, not necessarily couples, but that were both never co-ed. And then I did a lot of work with women and, [00:38:00] uh, it was actually after getting my, uh, specialization to work with men, then I transitioned my business to make the online course, all my Bret branding, all of my future focuses more towards men. And I feel like that's been a really important change because there's so much going on right now in society with the women's empowerment movement. And a lot of guys are feeling lost, left [00:38:30] out. They don't know what to do. And so I have a way of helping guys feel empowered. You know, they feel like they've been emasculated by the feminist movement and that shows up in the bedroom. So I have a way of helping them work through that, into, to find that power, that masculine power, again, in a way that's very holistic, you know, because there's, there is the, the toxic masculinity [00:39:00] needs out there.
Speaker 3: That's rising up and it's not as pervasive as you know, media would like for us to think, because most guys are not part of toxic masculinity, you know, but that, that doesn't really empower guys that, you know, it may fuel their anger, but the what's that going to do nothing. So this is a way where guys can rise up where they can feel that masculine power again, where they can really feel empowered in the bedroom, [00:39:30] which is where most guys would, if they had to say where, where in their life do you want to feel like you are the master most guys would say in bed, um, and this is a way to do that. And it makes her happy too.
Speaker 2: Awesome. Well, let's talk about your Jitsu. Tell me about how jujitsu's informed your, you know, coaching.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, so as far as the way it's impacted my coaching is that, [00:40:00] I mean, I'm there on the mat five to six days, a week, hour and a half a day. And I'm, I'm rolling with and it's primarily guys that do jujitsu. And so I feel like I've just learned a lot about the nuances of guys by, by being in that type of intimacy with them where it's not sexual intimacy, where there's no relationship, there's no nothing about it is sexual, [00:40:30] but the fight, if you're looking at this from a yoga perspective. So in yoga, you may have heard of the chakras, uh, there's the, the root chakra, which is the base of the body. That is where our fight instinct comes from. And then right above it. The second chakra is, um, for guys it's like at the tip of their penis, the head of the penis for women, it's their clearest.
Speaker 3: And that is the chakra of our sexuality. [00:41:00] Like that's where a sexual energy comes from. So those two dynamics are very closely related, but looking at them from a yoga perspective. And so while there's definitely a difference, they're both very primal. And so being able to go in that kind of, that primal space with guys, without the sexual component, being attached to it, uh, has helped me learn more about them. And also just like the way [00:41:30] they move the way they think. I also seeing how men can be extremely disciplined, uh, when it's something that they want to work towards, you know, these guys that do jujitsu, like they are, they're, they're dedicated this, isn't a path that you're going to get a black belt, you know, in a couple of years, like they know it's at least 10 years before they get a black belt.
Speaker 3: I mean, unless you're someone like, you know, kid Dale, I guess, got his in four years, but [00:42:00] most people is going to be 10 years. So, so yeah, they're committed to it. And I see that and I'm like, okay, so I know you've got the commitment to this. You can also have the commitment to sexual mastery. The thing is, most guys don't even know it's available. They don't know what they're missing out on. They don't know that they aren't sexual masters. They think because it's not something that we're taught. You know, it's not like on every corner, there's a school to go learn [00:42:30] about sex. And so people do what they're doing and they think like, oh, that's all there is to do. Well, there's not.
Speaker 2: So one of, one of my favorite things about jujitsu is, is sucking at it, like going in there, finding out in real life, where do I stand? And when I'm getting choked out by a dude that weighs 40 pounds less than me, like I know exactly where I stand in that failure informs my path so much moving forward. And, uh, to go back to sexual mastery, [00:43:00] being a sex stallion, like how important is to just trying and not being afraid to fail or learning from a failure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. It's like when you're there on the mat, you're trying out different moves every time. Like every class professor was going to say, okay, do this, do this, do this, do this. You're trying out new things. And it's not like that in sex. Most of the time people get into their routine and that's all they ever do. [00:43:30] And it's like, well, let's just try something else. What if, what if every single time you got into bed, you tried out three different moves and you were doing this for an hour and a half a day. And each time it was three different moves, you'd become a sexual master. And so taking that perspective compared to what most people are doing in bed right now, they've been doing the same moves the entire time they've been having sex and no [00:44:00] wonder women are bored.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I got caught in a heel hook. Every time I rolled with somebody I wouldn't want to roll anymore. So the idea of, I find, I find jujitsu can be terribly playful, like just I'm laughing and having a conversation with whoever I'm rolling with quite often, until I'm without blood going to my head, sex [00:44:30] and intimacy playfulness. Can you kind of talk about where they all converge in a relationship?
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's definitely important to have that fun, a playful component to your relationship. And that often gets lost, especially after kids come around. And in many times, women end up taking on a role of the mother to the, her husband, uh, and that [00:45:00] shuts down intimacy. And so when you're able to, you know, come back together and more of like that childlike state where you're both having fun and not like one of you is, and the other one is like, oh God, I have to do the dishes. And he's over there, you know, joking around. And then she gets off and finding a way to engage together in that that playfulness is important.
Speaker 2: [00:45:30] So how long have you been rolling?
Speaker 3: I've been, it was a year in may, was my one-year anniversary.
Speaker 2: That's wonderful. And you'll continue to do it forever. And you're still going a couple of times a week, 2, 3, 4, 5 times a week. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm there as often as I can, five to six days a week, unless I'm injured, which filling happens all the time. Right.
Speaker 2: Oh, I got a tweet to neck now. I haven't been able to go for like four weeks. I've been taking privates with a guy, so he's not going to crush my neck.
Speaker 3: [00:46:00] Oh man. Did you see a chiropractor?
Speaker 2: Uh, yeah. Seeing two chiropractors been acupunctured a couple of times he got some Raul thing done, uh, trying, trying everything
Speaker 3: Cryotherapy.
Speaker 2: I haven't done that yet. I'll probably go to, uh, do an ice bath this week at some point maybe.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I do cryotherapy five times a week. Yeah. Because it just cuts down the inflammation so that we don't have to do ibuprofen or anything [00:46:30] like that. Yeah. So every morning for San Diego, you get up, I go do my cryotherapy and, um, that, and I see my chiropractor routinely once a week, just to keep things in place and massage therapist once a week. Yeah. It's a lot of maintenance,
Speaker 2: The self care so important though. If you don't feel good now, what makes you think you're gonna feel good later? I'll do it. I'll give a shout out to Haymarket RXR three recovery lab. Cause they [00:47:00] have a cryo chamber and it's the only one I'm aware of within 30 miles of here. I got you back now. Cool. But yeah, so you're four Stripe white, probably blue anytime now.
Speaker 3: So I'm two Stripe white. So I'm at the, uh, John jock Machado school here in Austin have fantastic professors. I moved to this school in February. Uh, I had been at, uh, another school prior to that, that, um, I actually was not [00:47:30] being trained in Brazilian jujitsu. It's kind of a, a hodgepodge of other things being taught there. So my formal BJJ training, I actually started in February. Uh, so hoping now that I'm in a place where there's like really good quality teaching, that'll be able to make some good progress.
Speaker 2: Awesome. So talk about jujitsu a little bit specifically, so we can shout out the martial art that, that [00:48:00] really deserves a place everywhere being tends to be mostly men. What inspired you to try? And what would you say to women that are thinking about trying?
Speaker 3: Well, what got me in the door was self-defense, that was what I went for. Having a large online presence. A majority men, I definitely felt like it was important to know how to protect myself. And so, yeah, I just, I didn't even know what you just do was [00:48:30] I'd never heard of it. And I just went in for a self-defense class and it ended up being, um, jujitsu and I loved it. And so I stayed with it. Uh, yeah, when I first started, I was like, I had no interest in the belt, no interest in stripes. I'm like, I'm just here to learn how to defend myself. Yeah. And now I want to start competing and I, yeah, I mean totally in the whole world.
Speaker 2: So how would you describe it to people [00:49:00] that don't know the difference between that and TaeKwonDo or judo or Tai Chi or anything?
Speaker 3: So I don't really know a whole lot about those other disciplines since I haven't done them. I did some judo at the, my prior school and I really enjoyed it. Judo. My understanding of Judah, which is very limited, um, is that it's a lot more of the boroughs, um, take downs, uh, jujitsu, Brazilian jujitsu. A lot of it is the ground fighting. [00:49:30] So it's chokes and armbars and ankle locks, things like that. And yeah, I don't know anything about any of those other ones. Really.
Speaker 2: It's mostly ground fighting and grappling. And like you say, and which in my perception from my, you know, my, my man perspective seems like the greatest martial art for self-defense for women, considering that women tend to be [00:50:00] smaller on average than men tend to be on average, because that's, the benefit is really born out of leverage and technique and a skill as opposed to mass or strength. Uh, is that fair to say?
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, the Gracies that, um, the started Brazilian jujitsu, I can't remember which one, but I, maybe it was all of them, but they were, um, they actually designed it to be for [00:50:30] the smaller person. So that's really just, isn't inherent in the entire Brazilian jujitsu lineage.
Speaker 2: Awesome. Well, I'll have a couple quick kind of short answer kind of questions for you and we'll wrap up, but so far, thank you so much for the time. And I hope that men will feel comfortable going to your website and signing up. Maybe get a couple of people in the door and improve their relationships, improve their self-confidence, improve their parenting, just everything across the board. So [00:51:00] I've kind of reformulated a couple of these questions. I usually ask to dads, but I'll ask you as a sex coach. One of my favorite questions to billboard question. If you had a billboard on the main highway going through Austin and it had to fit a piece of advice that you could give to men, what piece of advice would you put on that? Billboard
Speaker 3: BSX stallion,
Speaker 2: Todrick, activation.com. [00:51:30] What gift would you give to all men?
Speaker 3: The gift of sexual self-confidence sexual confidence. Yeah. It goes a long way.
Speaker 2: Uh, what is something that you would put on a dads or men's not to do list don't ever do this.
Speaker 3: That's a good one. Here's a good one. [00:52:00] Don't it's kind of like jujitsu clip your nails before you go in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Here's one. I ask all, all dads. Who's your favorite television? Dead
Speaker 3: Favorite television dad. Oh my God. I don't watch television. Trying to think of the last thing I've even watched. Okay. Movie, maybe this [00:52:30] is I'm. I'm literally the worst person. I read books. I read like books about evolutionary biology. That's what I do on Friday nights because we don't have class Friday nights. So I sit home and I listen to books on audio.
Speaker 2: That's that's the characteristic of an entrepreneur who runs her own business and is obsessed with what they do. So anybody being, if you've ever wondered who your sex coach should be, it [00:53:00] should be Sarah because that's the with it.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm serious. I I'm not, I don't even watch movies. So I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: How about, oh, you probably don't have any fictional dads in biology if human sexuality books. Uh, so let's see if,
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I spent this entire last weekend in a tantric initiation the weekend before that I was doing continuing ed education, um, all [00:53:30] weekend with like world-renowned psychotherapists. So that's what
Speaker 2: That's awesome. I love it. That's great. Okay. When do you feel the most loved in your life?
Speaker 3: My dad is a really great dad. Yeah. He's very good. He shows up for me. Yeah. And gives me a lot of love. And my mom does also they're great parents.
Speaker 2: That was awesome. Well, that, that, that takes [00:54:00] the best answers from one of my favorite questions are what are the things that make up a super dad and that's being there and loving your kid. So I think that's a wonderful spot to kind of wrap up our recording, but let's give one more shout out to all to where people can find you tell them where they can find you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So my website is www.tantricactivation.comtantricactivation.com. And [00:54:30] from there, you'll find my, my, uh, Instagram, which is tantric activation and then also Sarah Rose jujitsu. So.
Speaker 2: Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 3: Thank you. It was pleasure being here. Appreciate it.